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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Due today but am feeling unfeasibly nervous about having a boy.

90 replies

betterstayanonymous · 11/01/2011 11:36

I know this is going to sound stupid but I'm really scared that I'm going to have a boy, and I don't know anything about them. I have one little girl already, grew up with a sister, girl cousins, went to an all girls school, never had boys as friends.

I don't know what the sex of this little one is going to be but the nearer I get to giving birth (not actually in labour currently, but I guess it's imminent), the more nervous I get that I'm going to have a boy and won't know what to do with him. I know that a baby is a baby is a baby, regardless of gender, and I honestly don't know why the thought of having a baby boy is freaking me out so much, but any advice or good mumsnet sense to calm me down would be great.

Before I get flamed, I don't think girls are better than boys. I'm not into all the pink stuff (though my daughter is!). It's just that I don't have a frame of reference for understanding how to bring a boy up.

OP posts:

Stokey38 · 11/01/2011 15:05

I was exactly the same as you when I found out I was having DC2 who turned out to be a boy. I did find out the sex and spent the rest of my pregnancy feeling a twinge of disappointment as really wanted another girl. Like you had no experience of boys and thought I would have nothing in common when he is older. The second I had him none of this mattered and I love him to pieces and love having a boy and I know it's a cliche but when you meet them it won't make any difference.

NigellaPleaseComeDineWithMe · 11/01/2011 15:09

Have 4 boys so know what to do with them - girls on the other hand are a species from an unknown planet - especially as they hit the later years...

pumperspumpkin · 11/01/2011 15:10

I had a girl (now 3)and then a boy (18 months). I'd vouch for what is said above - he ADORES his big sister, his first (and indeed only clear) word is her name, he cannot wait to be with her, and he copies everything she does. She in turn adores her little shadow. The two of them are people not just a girl and a boy.

Bearing in mind their different ages and personalities (rather than their genders) all I can say is that he is a lot more placid and a lot more cuddly than his sister. Who knows why?

The only thing I would say which sounds really daft but the first time I changed his nappy and came face to face with his penis - I was prepared for the presence of that but not so much the absence of the other, if you see what I mean. It's all nice and smooth and SO much easier to clean up!

Arion · 11/01/2011 17:00

Thanks JamieLee, Dh and I both bullied at school so probably over worry about that with Dc!

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 17:03

Oh, yes, - DH was bullied at school, and DS1 has been too.. It's really horrible, the thing you fear almost most about school, but we've come through it and the school has been great. It's been my impression that the kind of bullying girls endure is almost harder to sort out, because it's often done by "friends".

follygirl · 11/01/2011 18:58

I had DD first and then my DS. I have to say that they are both fab but in different ways.
It did feel a bit different at first, just getting used to the physical difference was interesting. However, I adore ds, he is such a cheeky boy with a great sense of humour. Everyone adored him at nursery and he now has his own fan club at school too.
I'm sure I'd have loved having two girls but I honestly can't imagine not having him.

happycamel · 11/01/2011 19:02

I could have written your thread except I don't have a child yet, still 12 weeks off. I haven't found out what I'm having because I'll get really stressed if it's a boy.

I'm an only child, brought up by my mum. Went to an all-girls grammar school. My DH has two nephews but they live 100 miles away and we hardly ever see them.

I'm scared I won't know what to do with him (if it is a him) and will be gutted about having to spend time on the edge of football or rugby fields rather than having a cup of tea waiting for ballet class to be over. (Yes I know, very stereotypical view, but then I have nothing else to go on).

I feel your pain OP!

Eglu · 11/01/2011 19:06

I do know how your feel. I have two boys nad if this one is a girl I will be freaked. I know boys and what to do with them. When I was pg with DS2 I felt the same about having a girl.

It will be fine. You parent them jsut the same when they are tiny baby anyway.

Booandpops · 11/01/2011 19:13

My boy is fab. He must be the most hansome 3 yo around and woe betide his future partner. Ha ha. I have a dd but it's wonderful having both. Dd is emotional and hard work ( worth it tho ) ds is funny loving and easy peasy I never worry about him at all. Maybe that will change but so far so good. Mummys love thier baby boys. You will be fine

FellatioNelson · 11/01/2011 19:13

happycamel you won't know what to do with a girl either - trust me! They are all just babies, and as such they are all a mystery to the first timer. Don't delude yourself that a girl will necessarily be easier, cleverer, more attractive, better behaved or more loving. The whole thing is a lottery. I've known some pretty vile children of both sexes, and some really fabulous ones as well. (mostly fabulous.) Besides you might end up with a boy who wants to go to ballet and wear your clothes, or a girl who is really butch and plain, and loves football. Don't make assumptions - love your child whatever.

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 19:16

I think birth order is pretty important too IME, second children are cheekier.

MrsBananaGrabber · 11/01/2011 19:18

I'm shocked at all the posters who are/were upset about the thought of having a boy, it never occured to me the first or second time I was told I was having a boy to be upset. My boys are the best, so much fun and so so loving, DS2 is a mini me and DS1 is a mini DH, it's quite odd......I also have a 4 week old DD so the girl thing is all new to me, infact I was expecting to find out I was having another boy.

Lynli · 11/01/2011 19:24

I understand how you feel but I think it is just fear of the unknown.

After having two girls I felt an enormous amount of responsibility bringing up a boy.

The thought of being responsible for how he is as a man.

I have met a lot of horrible men in my life and it really bothered me.

After he was born I never gave it another thought, he is very placid and loving.

When your baby is born and you fall in love with him I am sure it will not be problem.

zukiecat · 11/01/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LillianGish · 11/01/2011 21:09

I know exactly where you are coming from. I really, really wanted a girl and had one first - you've got you girl so now you are truly in a win win situation. My second baby was boy - and if yours turns out that way, trust me you'll totally adore him. So glad I've got one of each, but truth to tell if I had a third I'd really hope for a boy!

outnumbered2to1 · 11/01/2011 21:13

the most important thing to remember about baby boys is to ALWAYS ALWAYS point their wee thrusters down the way when you put the nappy on......

seriously though boys are brilliant i love my two to death but then i always was a bit tomboyish and haven't really grown out of it (even though i am nearly 37)

mwahmwah · 11/01/2011 21:17

Aw, felt exactly the same. My first is a lovely little girl into all things pink and fluffy. During the second pregnancy, I agonised over the thought of having a boy, to the point that DH woudn't find out the sex at the 20 wk scan incase the disappointment overshadowed the next 20 wks of the pregnancy.
Cut to 15 wks ago when I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I can truthfully say, I would not have changed it from the moment I set eyes on him. Boys are fab, and now I have the perfect gentleman's family.

CharlieBoo · 11/01/2011 21:22

By don't be afraid. Little boys are magical...I love having a son, there is nothing quite like little boys, you will know what I mean i lf your baby is a boy. Mums and their sons have such a special bond. I'm not favouring one sex btw. I am lucky enough to have one of each and my dd is an adorable treasure too. Good luck x

ElusiveMoose · 11/01/2011 21:33

I was so disappointed when I found out DS1 was a boy at the 20 week scan - I really wanted a girl. Three years later I had DS2 (now 4 months) and I was absolutely thrilled when I found out he was another boy. Our family is complete now, and there is no part of me that thinks 'I wish I had a girl'. You really do just adapt to what you have.

(Oh, and FWIW, DS1 isn't a 'boy' boy at all - not yet, anyway, he's only three, so plenty of time. Not noisy, not bashy, not 'blokey' at all. He's quiet, and thoughtful, and affectionate and high maintenance. You really can't tell what they'll be like just based on their gender.

Nelly123 · 11/01/2011 22:21

You must feel better by now, but I just had to add my support. I convinced myself I was having a girl and when my lovely boy was born was really surprised. I thought we would have nothing in common and would find it hard to play games. He is four now and I love him to bits. We find loads to have fun with and he is funny, boisterous and loving. He is a keeper for sure. Good luck it will all work out.

pushmepullyou · 11/01/2011 22:34

What a lovely thread. I am 2 weeks pregnant with DC2 - a boy, and already have a 25 month DD.

If I'm honest I've been feeling really disappointed at the thought of not giving her a little sister to play with (I am one of 2 girls) and am generally feeling pretty anxious about meeting my little boy.

I feel much much better after reading this thread, particularly that so many of you have been where I am now and now wouldn't have it any other way

MsKLo · 11/01/2011 23:07

Pushme

I have a boy who is a gorgeous cheeky scamp and a little girl who adores het older brother so don't worry! DS is very prOtective of DD and loves being the 'man of the house' when daddy is at work and looking after us! They play together and are just great together so don't worry!

mellicauli · 11/01/2011 23:07

I don't think you would notice whether a baby is a boy or a girl for the first 12 months (except when you change their nappy, of course!) So no need to worry about it now.. put it off til next year!

tabulahrasa · 11/01/2011 23:21

I was a bit worried that I didn't know what to do with a boy when I had my first

but they're not boys at that age, they're babies and by the time he was a boy, I knew him so it didn't matter what 'boys' did, I knew what he did

Feelingsensitive · 11/01/2011 23:28

I have one of each. I knew DD was a girl but didn't find out with DS. I spent the first 6 months looking a bit surprised every time I opened the nappy and even asked the HV what I should do with his bits . Nothing you will be pleased to hear! Although one useful tip is to quickly put a muslim or wipe on his willy when you change his nappy otherwise he will wee all over you.

Not sure how much can be put down to gender rather than personality but my son is less dramatic, more affectionate and more resilient than DD. He is nearly 3 and spends alot of time saying "I love you mama" and kissing me . He's only just started developing the more boyish side by playing super heroes and trying to rugby tackle his sister but she gives him a run for his money. I have to say I love having a son just as much as I love having a daughter. Good luck.

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