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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Due today but am feeling unfeasibly nervous about having a boy.

90 replies

betterstayanonymous · 11/01/2011 11:36

I know this is going to sound stupid but I'm really scared that I'm going to have a boy, and I don't know anything about them. I have one little girl already, grew up with a sister, girl cousins, went to an all girls school, never had boys as friends.

I don't know what the sex of this little one is going to be but the nearer I get to giving birth (not actually in labour currently, but I guess it's imminent), the more nervous I get that I'm going to have a boy and won't know what to do with him. I know that a baby is a baby is a baby, regardless of gender, and I honestly don't know why the thought of having a baby boy is freaking me out so much, but any advice or good mumsnet sense to calm me down would be great.

Before I get flamed, I don't think girls are better than boys. I'm not into all the pink stuff (though my daughter is!). It's just that I don't have a frame of reference for understanding how to bring a boy up.

OP posts:

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 12:10

Smethwick - I like your post a lot: "boys are people first and foremost, not just a willy and a fireman Sam t-shirt"

GnomeDePlume · 11/01/2011 12:12

I have two DDs and one DS. DDs look like me (poor sods!) but DS is most like me in personality. I 'get' him better than DDs whose personalities are much more like DHs.

It is going to be okay.

diddl · 11/01/2011 12:12

I have a sister, went to an all girls school & had a boy.

Well, you learn as you go along!

Oh & he is so much easier than my daughter.

Sensible, caring, reasonable, not demanding....

By the time you´ve pushed your baby out you won´t care!

monkeyflippers · 11/01/2011 12:15

I wasn't entirely sure about cleaning the genitals and getting poo off of the testicals (all those little creases!) but once you've done that once then it's not a big deal.

I think it is normal to be scared of the unknown. I had no experience of babies or children AT ALL, boys or girls, before I had kids so didn't have a clue but you learn it and get used to it as you go along. For ages anyway it will just be buying boy colours and cleaning boy genitals and then slowly getting you head around boy toys! But you have ages for that.

I think there can be differences between girls and boys and what they like doing (my boy loves climbing!) but you get these differences between all children anyway even if it was another girl.

You'll be fine once you get used to the idea and actually I think having one of each makes the house quite balanced.

StormInaCCup · 11/01/2011 12:26

I've just found out I am having a boy and am hoping for a little mini version of my DH. I have always pictured a cheeky but loving little scamp and I am thrilled that I am (hopefully) going to get one!

I have never understood this apparent preference that I have seen on MN and in RL towards little girls. Surely there's positives and negatives about both genders, and you never know what your little one is going to be like (might not fit in with the stereotypes) until you meet him/her.

Just to say that I don't have a clue about 'what to do' with little boys either, but to be fair, that stands for girls as well (this is our first) so I am happy to go into the unknown willing to learn.

upahill · 11/01/2011 12:27

Everybody convicced me I was having a girl. I didn't know anything about babies but I thought I might be ok if I had a girl.
HE was born and my heart sunk. I felt so sad. I slept for a while. (long story) woke up an hour later seeing DH sitting on the chair next to the bed cuddling DS1 and looking so proud. I felt proud. I had a lovely baby!

Ds2 was born. Inside I was praying for a boy but told everyone I didn't mind and yes, a girl would be nice. If I could have done a victory dance like the footballers do when they score a goal I would have!! (Couldn't I was too sore but that was to be expected)

Now 14 1/2 years later I have a 6 ft tall lovely son and a completly bonkers adorable 11 year old son.

I am treated like a Queen by my men. (DH and sons I mean!)

We do stuff together, we bike, we ski, we walk, we travel.

Their mates are always in having sleepovers, music is always playing.

It is very very happy.

You will be happy whatever child you get. The most important thing is to enjoy them and be proud.

Good luck and let us knkow how you get on.

dockate · 11/01/2011 12:44

Good luck with your imminent labour! And if you have a boy, have a wonderful time with all his unique idiosyncracies as with every child. To start with they're much more like any other baby than 'boys' or 'girls' anyway, and I have absolutely loved having the different experiences with one DS and one DD. They have different ways of playing, different needs for cuddles, reassurance, different attention spans; but mostly I think it's not because of gender, but because they are unique people regardless of sex.

Actually, for me, the more challenging bit was getting used to having 2 children, rather than the gender of either - but you soon grow your virtual extra arms, eyes in the back of your head etc...

blackeyedsusan · 11/01/2011 13:00

I wanted another girl, but got a boy. You love them anyway. evn if you have a girl, it doesn't mean she will do girly things or be like her sister/ family at all.

If you do have a boy...has anyone told you about nappy changing? Put a baby wipe or something over his willy when you take his nappy off... dh didn't listen and got an eyeful, they do go off like a loose hose spraying everywhere.

wayoftheworld · 11/01/2011 13:00

Hope things go well- try to focus on labour and relax yourself as much as you can ! Once the baby is born, if it is a boy come back and start a thread of "HELP I had a boy and don't know what to do!!""....but I have a feeling by than you would be so over the moon that it will not be a problem.

Big hug for now!

Memoo · 11/01/2011 13:07

You know until they are older having a boy isn't a whole lot different than having a girl

droves · 11/01/2011 13:07

AW , your first boy !

GIRLS ARE LOVELY , BUT SO ARE BOYS !

boys are funny , you will spend years laughing at what he gets up too.
Boys have loads of energy so , you will get your figure back running around after him.
Boys will grow loads when they get to about 10 , so you feel like you are the best cook in the world because they eat everything that isnt nailed down.
Boys want to help fix things , even when theyre little . ..its soo cute when ds4 gets his toy drill to fix the wonkey coffee table ( again source of amusement)
Boys are easier to dress .... jeans tshirt trainers done ! ( girls its all the coordinating the clothes with hair accesories that takes ages )
Teenage boys can be handy around the home when you need to move furniture . ( im talking 17 yr +, i wouldnt let a child help with that)
The only downside i have seen with my boys is the size of their feet .....do you know how expensive it is to get decent school shoes in large sizes?.

chubbleigh · 11/01/2011 13:08

Boys rock! Trust me, it is the best relationship you will ever have with a man.

KatieMiddleton · 11/01/2011 13:17

I was a bit aprehensive too, having had a sister, all girls school etc but I adore DS and particularly the way he differs to my friend's DDs and would not mind if i had a tribe of boys!

DS does seem to be more physical and less bothered about talking and looking at books but I just make sure he's exercised twice a day (or he gets grumpy with cabin-fever and excess energy) and let him get on with his own thing, the same as I would for any child regardless of gender.

And when changing a boy's nappy you'll need a wipe or tissue handy to point his willy down when they're really tiny. Or he'll probably wee in your face!

Good luck for the birth :)

atmywitssend · 11/01/2011 13:20

Boys are brilliant! I was initially perplexed about having my DS but now I just love having a boy!

KatieMiddleton · 11/01/2011 13:22

My only concern is that I will be one of those MILs that just can't let go because my DS is so fab. But I am keeping that in mind so that when the time comes I hopefully won't go loopy

cornflakegirl · 11/01/2011 13:36

I was convinced that DC1 was going to be a girl, and said that I didn't know what I'd do if I had a boy because I didn't understand them. Unsurprisingly, he was a boy. But it turns out that boys are fantastic! It's so much easier to avoid wall to wall pink, and given that a lot of the toys your kids end up with come from other people, I'd much rather play with stereotypical boys toys than girls toys. Plus DS1 lets me paint his toenails sometimes . The only downsides so far (he's 5) is that his favourite word is "poopoopants", and I've learnt significantly more about Star Wars than I ever wanted to...

VerintheWhite · 11/01/2011 14:24

You become an expert on your child, whatever the gender, it just happens :)

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 11/01/2011 14:31

Love this thread -- PG with DC2 & don't know gender yet but feel it's a boy & like the OP I was feeling slightly nervous at the thought of it - the great unknown!!! But this thread has filled me with joy & positivity now!

Poshpaws · 11/01/2011 14:33

Boys indeed do rock .

And you know that girls do, so just try to focus on the pregnancy and labour and enjoy your baby once they are here .

Poshpaws · 11/01/2011 14:34

once it is here....

Arion · 11/01/2011 14:40

Thank you OP for this post, I'm due next month and 20 week scan said boy. So disappointed I cried later at home, have gorgeous girl, wanted her to have the sister I never did (only child). Also, don't know what to do with a boy, whole mother/son relationship, how to bring them up so they respect women/ can show emotion but aren't bullied for being soft - all these thoughts but also know that if he is healthy I should be grateful as so many aren't and so many struggle to have a child.
Posts have made me cry also, and be more hopeful.

Sorry for the long one and the hijack!

Thank you to everyone for being so nice, I was too much of a wuss to post what I felt! You are much braver than me OP

minipie · 11/01/2011 14:54

"It's just that I don't have a frame of reference for understanding how to bring a boy up"

"don't know what to do with a boy"

Honestly, just do the same as you would with a girl.

JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 14:59

Arion - your DH/DP will hopefully help you think about some of the things you are worried about (eg bullying, fighting), and hopefully provide a model of the kind of relationship with women you want your son to have.

LadyOfTheManor · 11/01/2011 15:03

I didn't find out for my firstborn so I was just lumbered with whatever the great Lord gave me!

I'm one of 5 girls with 5 nieces and one nephew...so having a boy was a bit of a shock.

Aside from the fact they have a penis, there isn't too much difference until they reach their mischievous age of 5 and then until they're teenagers, where I've heard that girls are harder to handle! So in many aspects I'm thankful. Plus I don't have to fork out 100% for a wedding...or deal with teenage pregnancies etc. So in some ways I'm blessed.

However if I have girl next time, I'll look to the positives of that.

You'll be fine, and at least your dd will have a little boy to play with!! It may be the birth causing you to confuse the anxiety?

wonderstuff · 11/01/2011 15:04

I was worried about what to do with a boy - I have a girl and when pg really fancied the idea of another one.

DS is 6 months old and I am besotted with him, he is just gorgeous - wouldn't have him any other way.

You'll be fine

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