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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

towonder why anyone is surprised that a woman in labour might scream?

120 replies

TheLogLady · 11/01/2011 10:39

i know, i know. it's been done, it's been argued, debated and discussed.

But why would anyone feel the need to criticise how much noise a woman makes in labour? she does what she needs to.

some women scream, some moo and some don't.
does it matter?

OP posts:

ScotlandR · 11/01/2011 23:21

please excuse me being smug. AN HOUR AND A FUCKING HALF! that is all.

it has been suggested that having a stong pelvic floor BEFORE you get pregnant helps.

but only by people who don't wish to be called bucketfanny.

KittyFoyle · 11/01/2011 23:23

Bucketfanny is my old name. Now it's more like a cave. There are probably whole communities taking refuge there.

ScotlandR · 11/01/2011 23:26

LMFAO kitty

You ever BEEN caving?! There's some tight squeezes involved in that!

expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 23:28

There's no confusion that this statement of yours:
'I thought the woman on One Born Every Minute was overdoing it to be honest. Mainly because screaming is knackering and you need all your energy to get on with the birth. '

is critical of this woman and incredibly smug.

Sorry you confuse 'sharing your experience' with a chance to heap critcism on this woman.

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/01/2011 23:38

I don't think she was overdoing it at all. What a disgusting thing to say - also to say she was overdoing it for the cameras.

The way she was thrashing about she looked bloody distressed. And the dozy midwives were eating biscuits in the staff room and laughing at her

Bollocks, I had a hour and twenty minute labour and yelled the house down. I also had a midwife who said 'don't be so bloody stupid' when I said 'OHMIGODIWANNAPUSH' who then went 'oh god your are fully dilated' when she deigned to examine me.

It is so silly to judge and comment on how other women cope with labour.

KittyFoyle · 12/01/2011 00:02

Blimey - I did think she was overdoing it - nothing 'disgusting' about thinking that. I suppose you did read it as mildly critical although it was just an observation, much like the ones the midwives in the programme made. I thought she became very focussed on the distress and no one was really helping her with that. It wasn't incredibly smug actually but what do you know? If you think saying someone is overdoing something is 'heaping criticism' on them, I guess you've lived a charmed life.

I have no idea whether cameras had anything to do with it - never thought of that.

Shame you can't accept another person's experience without calling them 'smug' unless it mirrors your own.

cerealqueen · 12/01/2011 00:03

Why do we continually have to pass judgement on each other on how we gave birth?

We gave birth, enough of a bloody accomplishment in my opinion.

KittyFoyle · 12/01/2011 00:05

By the way, screaming might well be cathartic but we don't all have that luxury in labour.

Serendippy · 12/01/2011 09:23

Kitty where did you give birth that you were not allowed to scream? How is screaming a luxury?

redshinyshoes · 12/01/2011 09:32

I HATE that when midwives tell a woman to stop screaming as has happened to some of my friends while in labour! I found screaming, crying and shouting was a natural way to cope with the pain, it really helped and I didn't care who heard, it was almost involuntary!

rdmommy & pommedeterre - what strange comments, women do what they need to to help them through the pain, who is anyone to judge how much noise she makes during labour?!

StartingAfresh · 12/01/2011 09:49

rdmommy pomme and stopping

FFS, just be bloody thankful you didn't have such painful births. The screaming woman on that programme was extremely measured compared to me (I was screaming at the top of my lungs 'between' contractions as well as crawling round the floor and clawing at the walls.

It makes no difference whether it was an efficient way to labour, I had not one choice in the matter.

I suffered PTSD (and still do to some extent) BECAUSE of the likes of you people with your judgement and the self-doubt and erroded self-esteem that it causes. For if you can do it, then what the hell was wrong with me.

By accident I fell pregnant again and birthed again and boy did that sting a triffle, but it never got to the pain levels that I was at at just 2-5cm dilated with the first. In fact I got a little bit scared pushing because I was convinced I wasn't even in active labour yet. It hurt loads but was managable. I didn't even bother with gas and air.

So DON'T judge people who scream. DON'T slate their character for it. Just be bloody grateful that whatever it was about the birth that caused it, didn't happen to you.

Louii · 12/01/2011 09:55

I had someone screaming like that in the room next to me when I was labouring, bloody horrific and really put me out of my zone.
I remember shouting at one point " can someone give her a fucking epidural"

Really the rooms should be soundproofed as it's not fair on others to have to listen to it.

MotherOfSuburbia · 12/01/2011 10:46

Not a screamer myself with 4 births although did make a ridiculous grunting sound when pushing, interspersed with "I'm sorry for making that ridiculous noise" comments between pushes. But have no problem with anyone dealing with pain how they need to.
I do think there maybe a lot to be said for keeping calm if you can but if screaming is doing that for you then who am I to judge?
I can't think there is an excuse to verbally abuse medical staff or partners though but at the same time I don't think it's ok for midwives to call anybody silly and be unsympathetic. I was very lucky to have very lovely midwives - some of these sound like they are in the wrong profession.

chitchatinsantasear · 12/01/2011 11:19

Well I can understand why my MW told me to stop screaming as I was screaming at HER. . But then again, she thoroughly deserved it and I told her I bloody well would NOT stop screaming and to get the bloody doctor!!!!!

KittyFoyle · 13/01/2011 23:30

Serendippy - I was allowed to scream if the mood took me - but I was at home, the midwives weren't there so I was too busy telling DH what to do, checking the baby's head as it crowned and making sure DD1 (aged 4) wasn't worried. Giving birth with no medics around concentrates the mind on the practical side as you can imagine - my main concern was making sure DH understood he didn't need to cut the cord, getting towels warmed up and bringing me lots of water etc etc

Also the woman downstairs was watching Eastenders and I didn't want to disturb her.

madwomanintheattic · 13/01/2011 23:47

lol at homebirthing being more restrictive than a hospital birth.

dd1 was elcs. vbac1 i was the strong silent type (he was b2b and in the end i pushed him out as they decided to emcs for failure to progress), vbac2 i was v loud. mooing, wailing, gnashing of teeth, whatever.

every labour is different. it took me about 5 years to stop having flashbacks and bursting into tears.

lol at 'luxury' of screaming though.

KittyFoyle · 13/01/2011 23:55

I guess the luxury is knowing someone else is dealing with the admin. So you can let loose. If you see what I mean.

oldraver · 14/01/2011 00:03

I assume this is about One born every Minute ?

I thought it very wrong of the midwife to tell the woman "theres no point screaming/it wont help screaming" or in similar vein. I think she was out of order and it wasnt very supporting to her patient

ModreB · 14/01/2011 00:47

I remember telling a Dr who told me that I was screaming too loudly when I was in labour with DS2 to "fuck off and leave me with someone who knows what they are doing."

DH said to me "You can't talk to a Dr like that"

I replied "Why not, can he feel what is going on in my fanny? When he can he is entitled to an opinion."

The Dr then left the room and did not come back

madwomanintheattic · 14/01/2011 14:49

lol, kitty, i know. one woman's dream is another's nightmare and all that.

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