Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

towonder why anyone is surprised that a woman in labour might scream?

120 replies

TheLogLady · 11/01/2011 10:39

i know, i know. it's been done, it's been argued, debated and discussed.

But why would anyone feel the need to criticise how much noise a woman makes in labour? she does what she needs to.

some women scream, some moo and some don't.
does it matter?

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 11/01/2011 13:02

NorwegianMoon - I did not swear at the midwife (she was lovely - but I did nearly break her hand), but I did swear in the direction of the OB who delivered DS2 by ventouse. I intended it to be under my breath but I'm pretty sure she heard - I had encountered her in the clinic a couple of weeks before and she was a cow to me. I think I said something along the lines of "Not that fucking cow".I'm sorry for swearing but I was very disinhibited. She did not mention it.

(she was a bitch to the midwife as well - in the way she spoke to her)

Miggsie · 11/01/2011 13:09

Didn't they used to give people in pain (including labouring women) a leather strap to bite on so the cries of pain didn't get in the way of the medical procedures?

I remember reading a book about surgery before pain killers and they used to have people strapped to operating tables with people sitting on their chests as well as wood and leather straps for the patient to bite on...

Screaming is a normal reaction to stress and pain.

expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 13:11

Dr Chistian did an experiment on pain on one of those Embarrassing Bodies shows, with himself at the study. And crying out and swearing actually showed, biologically, to decrease the pain he felt.

I screamed to the max during my drug free birth.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 11/01/2011 13:26

I think it's perfectly normal to scream whilst sh~#/g a watermelon.

Nevereatyellowsnow · 11/01/2011 13:27

Norwegianmoon I can't remember what she said, she wasn't very sympathetic and spent a lot of time with her back to me joking with the doctor Hmm

I did apologise afterwards, obviously I don't think its nice to swear at mws but I was not in control at the time Blush

ilythia · 11/01/2011 13:40

I swore at my midwife, but she started it...
She called me silly and said I would wear myself out and was being ridiculous that I felt a need to push....and then she realised DD2 was crowning (went 7-10 in an hour, not exactly unheard of...)
SO I said 'Oh, no fucking shit sherlock'

At which point she wordlessly left the room and handed over to another MW whose name I still don't know. Bitch. (Even DH backs me up that she was unnecessarily short with me)

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 11/01/2011 13:41

I didn't see OBEM last night, so can't comment on that particular woman, but just want to add that often the reason for a MW telling a woman to stop screaming is because all her focus and energy is going into the screaming, and she's therefore not pushing effectively. The MW is, under those circs, trying to focus the woman's energy on pushing the baby out, and it really does make a difference.

It doesn't sound that the woman on OBEM was in that situation though.

welshbyrd · 11/01/2011 13:50

YADNBU - However after watching one born every minute, I did have to ask my DH if I was screaming like that, thankfully he said I was not that bad.

Vallhala · 11/01/2011 13:52

ilythia, I'm another who had a quick labour and was midwife told her not to be silly. She said the baby wouldn't be born for another 10 hours or more. I went from 3cm to DDs birth in an hour and 20 minutes - without any pain relief as the anaesthetist was busy and with a ventouse delivery.

Needless to say I screamed the place down. I was then told not to by some bossy, arsey female doctor... at which point I told her to fuck off bitch. Blush

TheLogLady you are SOBLOODYNOTBU!

MrsPennySworth · 11/01/2011 13:54

I sure midwives are all used to being shouted/sworn at at some point. It's not nice but they can't take it personally can they? I mean, if you did take it personally then midwifery can't be the right career choice for you!

It's the only chance in your life you get to shout/swear/scream at people and be completely and utterly forgiven afterwards surely?! Grin

saoirse86 · 11/01/2011 14:00

YANBU because I don't think anyone is "surprised a woman in labour might be scream". We all know what it's like, whether we've experienced it or not.

The woman you're referring to just seemed a bit OTT to be screaming so much after telling the MW she couldn't feel anything but I know people cope with the situation differently. I personally think she may have felt it a bit less stressful if she'd taken on board suggestions to not scream and she'd put all that energy into pushing. But then she got the baby out so I don't really care. I don't think anyone else cares either, but we;ve got to have something to talk about.

Remember this is a channel 4 programme made and edited as a bit of entertainment really, and they'd be seriously disappointed if people weren't talking about it today.

saoirse86 · 11/01/2011 14:04

You know I meant "might scream", not"might be scream" right? Because that makes no sense!

Ray81 · 11/01/2011 14:15

YANBU Op everyone is different in the way they deal with labour.

With DD1 i screamed when i started pushing and was told not to scream but to push, i did that and it realy did work for me.
With DD2 i screamed through the contractions but when it came to pushing i bit DH realy hard on the arm and swore ALOT.

My MW was great with DD2 she just let me go with it and was even nice to me when i shouted "where is that fucking bitch with my drugs" i didnt even think she was a bitch as she was so nice but she disappeared when i wanted pethadine, turned out she had gone to get the drugs and i apologised afterwards.

I did think maybe the OBEM was screaming because it helped her deal with the labour mentaly rather then the pain itself.

HelenLG · 11/01/2011 16:53

YANBU - I was induced and had an epidural which didn't work... I can't even remember most of my labour, but apparently I screamed.

Everyone's pain is their own and you deal with it however you can.

welshbyrd · 11/01/2011 16:53

31 minutes in labour here, from start to finish, was induced though.

HelenLG · 11/01/2011 16:56

welshbyrd Shock mine took 13 hours, that's so unfair...

GabbyLoggon · 11/01/2011 17:06

When anyone is in real pain respect and etiquette are unrealistic.....I heard a nurse say "swear it it makes you feel better"

I assume all births are slightly different
in agony levels...I saw one on TV the other night which looked very painful..

SummerRain · 11/01/2011 17:12

Having watched a lot of birth programs i have to say there's a difference between the women who scream while pushing and the ones who scream instead of pushing... one is a vocal expression of effort, the other is just wasting energy and prolonging the process.

saffy85 · 11/01/2011 17:14

I sobbed. Loudly. Blush And begged DP to take me home. Infact at 6cm dilated I tried to put on my hoody over the hospital gown and escape! Midwife told me to calm down but only as howling, screaming, crying etc is a huge waste of energy.

Interestingly, I hardly swore at all during labour or even the pushing part. And usually I curse like a trooper.

I don't begrudge anyone who screams and howls like a banshee, nor anyone who does swear, although actual verbal abuse (directed at anyone personally) is not on.

SummerRain · 11/01/2011 17:17

saffy, same here... i'm normally foul mouthed and sweary but when in labour i go deathly quiet and can't even speak. Quite odd having to rely on dp to communicate for me, normally it's the other way round!

deemented · 11/01/2011 17:23

With DS3 i 'Oh'ed a lot. Appaerntly.

And i also dislocated Manshapes thumb.

Twice...

PhishFoodAddiction · 11/01/2011 17:30

YANBU.

I didn't make much noise in labour, but just because I didn't scream doesn't mean that I think everyone should labour quietly.

If a woman needs to moo or scream then fair enough, you still get a baby in the end and there are no medals for a quiet labour!

saffy85 · 11/01/2011 17:30

I was speaking alright SummerRain, but only to beg to be put out of my misery. And to slur (damn Pethidine!) to DP that I'd changed my mind- "lets wait another 10 years for a baby- what's the hurry?" I was frightened though, never felt any major pain before and I do think alot of how women behave during childbirth isn't just down to being in pain but fear as well. You don't know long it will take, how it will all pan out in the end and if and when the pain will get worse.

PhishFoodAddiction · 11/01/2011 17:32

Oh I forgot that I sighed 'oh dear' after each contraction like an 1800's lady Blush kind of wish I been swearing now! Drew blood from DH's hand as well, but he knew better than to complain about it Grin.

gingercat12 · 11/01/2011 17:41

In yesterday's programme did the apidural not work? Because she seemed to scream even afterwards.