Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

towonder why anyone is surprised that a woman in labour might scream?

120 replies

TheLogLady · 11/01/2011 10:39

i know, i know. it's been done, it's been argued, debated and discussed.

But why would anyone feel the need to criticise how much noise a woman makes in labour? she does what she needs to.

some women scream, some moo and some don't.
does it matter?

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 11/01/2011 18:19

Hahahahahaha

I'm sorry, I'm watching it now. What a bloody carry on! I don't judge her for screaming but blimey, she's not coping at all. I don't think there's much difference between pain levels in the average labour and birth, but most women find a way to get through it. Poor girl is just freaking out isn't she! I feel sorry for her, she seems really scared, that reaction is like a wounded animal trying to get away from the pain, which is obviously impossible through labour. I'm not trying to be a labour show off but I know I was trying to get through each contraction, not run away from it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 11/01/2011 18:19

Sorry for the laughing, it was a bit rude Blush

ChocolateMoose · 11/01/2011 18:40

"I don't think there's much difference between pain levels in the average labour and birth" - How do you account for women who say that their labours with DC1 and DC2 varied dramatically in how painful they were because of whether they were induced, position of baby etc.?

EricNorthmansMistress · 11/01/2011 18:43

because of whether they were induced, position of baby etc.?

Exactly. Average, non induced, non back to back, non breach, non arm over head birth. I am aware that various non average factors can affect how much it hurts.

expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 18:45

'I'm not trying to be a labour show off but I know I was trying to get through each contraction, not run away from it'.

Well, good for you. Because I felt trapped by the pain and it was so painful (back to back baby with hand up cupping her ear) I wanted to die, not 'get through' any more contractions.

When I had a drug-free, fast, complication-free labour with DD2, I felt like I was being disemboweled.

The pain was so bad and searing that, with DS, I travelled 1.5 miles by ambulance and waited four hours, literally willing myself not to give birth (my waters broke whilst I was having it, the second I sat up on the bed, no telling how far dilated I was, but with the other two the waters broke as I was giving birth) to get an epi so I would never feel that horrible, awful pain (not pressure) again.

SummerRain · 11/01/2011 18:46

I've had three... one traumatic due to the cord being around her shoulder and her heartrate dropping and having to push before my body was ready, one OP and born still back to front and one very intense fast baby where i felt myself ripping. With the first two i'd been in labour for 18 hours plus by the time i was pushing and was exhausted

The pain was no worse with any of them but i coped best with ds1 (the OP baby!) as i was calm and relaxed... with dd i was terrified and wasn't expecting that level of pain so it was worse in that sense and ds2 was fast and furious, my shortest labour but the longest in terms of heavy duty contractions and length of time i felt pressure before pushing. But the pain was the same... my reaction to it was differant with each labour though and i found it most overwhelming with dd

expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 18:47

People feel pain differently.

SummerRain · 11/01/2011 18:49

true... some people are unfortunately used to life long pain Sad

I've had chronic, pain killer resistant migrains since the age of two... i've learnt that screaming and shouting doesn't help so i just retreat into myself and try and survive it.

For some women labour is the first time in their lives they feel real pain and that must be terifying.

expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 18:51

research has shown, too, that red-haired people feel pain more acutely, for example.

this is a factor as well.

i'd had loads of surgeries on my legs before i had children, but the pain in no way compared, IME.

KittyFoyle · 11/01/2011 18:52

I made no noise really - 3 labours. I thought the woman on One Born Every Minute was overdoing it to be honest. Mainly because screaming is knackering and you need all your energy to get on with the birth. Also I think lying on your back must be much worse - and was always on the move and gave birth either standing up on on all fours. Can't believe this is stil the norm in hospitals. I was well prepared though and not tense - think the tension and fear makes more difference than the actual pain.

KittyFoyle · 11/01/2011 18:55

SummerRain - 'retreat into myself' is a good description of how I felt in labour. First was a very long 26 hours but had no impulse to make a sound - I wasn't resisting it - just internalising it all. Was very focused on the baby rather than the labour and contractions and felt I needed to concentrate.

expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 18:56

Well, here's your medal, Kitty.

If only everyone could be as perfect as you.

Hmm
saffy85 · 11/01/2011 18:58

Exactly SummerRain. If you've never felt excruicating pain in your life before labour it's a helluva shock.

My waters started to break at home and the contractions started fairly gently I swear I honestly thought it was a piece of piss. "what's the sodding fuss?" I asked my sister on the phone while DP was getting petrol. Famous last words Hmm Changed my mind within next half an hour! And even then I was still only 1 and a half cm dilated. By the time I had DD 11 hours later I not only ate words I'd asked for seconds.

Seriously everyone has different ways of dealing with pain. I am a crier.

KittyFoyle · 11/01/2011 19:06

Expat - are the experiences of women who don't scream in labour less valid then? I'm not the only one on this thread to have suggested that fear might have been as much of a factor as pain in this case. I also have red hair by the way.

TotorosOcarina · 11/01/2011 19:09

I am very quiet in laboutr but scream the roof down when crowing!

YANBU.

viewfromawindow · 11/01/2011 19:16

My "helpful" doctor said to me "Mrs X, If you spent a little less time shouting and a little more pushing we will get on a lot better here."

I then used my shouting to communicate "fuck off then!".... Pillock.....

SummerRain · 11/01/2011 19:16

Kitty, it's actually a scientifically proven fact that fear is 99% of what we perceive as pain. People are able to undergo surgery with just hypnoses to relax them as once the fear is removed the body feels very little pain.

Equally tensing against the pain as opposed to relaxing into it dramatically affects the sensation of pain the body feels during labour... if you can relax and allow the contraction to wash over you it's no where near as painful (for example when i was panicing during ds2's labour as i was an hour from the hospital and i had no childcare the pain was very intense, once i got to the hospital i could hardly feel the contractions as i was relaxed and ready to be getting on with it all.)

southeastastra · 11/01/2011 19:19

well my tooth abcess was definitely 99% pain and 1% fear

TotorosOcarina · 11/01/2011 19:24

Hmmm I'm not buying that fear = pain thing, sorry,
when i was induced with my first child i was completely CLUELESS. I was 20 and was happy as larry having that pessary inserted.

I genuinly hadn't even thought of the pain of labour, i was totally chilled.

Then the contractions started, and fuck me - they hurt.

I've had 2 natural birthds since that and I can truelly say induction pain is much worse.

That was nothing to do with being scared of labour, it was just pain. Labour IS painful.

EricNorthmansMistress · 11/01/2011 19:24

it's actually a scientifically proven fact that fear is 99% of what we perceive as pain.

Now that's a bollocks statistic if ever I heard one.

TotorosOcarina · 11/01/2011 19:25

Its scientifically proven that 99% of statistics quoted on the internet are bollocks.

Fact.

Grin
expatinscotland · 11/01/2011 19:57

Expat - are the experiences of women who don't scream in labour less valid then? I'm not the only one on this thread to have suggested that fear might have been as much of a factor as pain in this case. I also have red hair by the way.

Did I say that? No, I did not.

The OP asked why people feel the need to criticise a woman who did scream.

'Kitty, it's actually a scientifically proven fact that fear is 99% of what we perceive as pain. People are able to undergo surgery with just hypnoses to relax them as once the fear is removed the body feels very little pain.'

Yet, when people have tried to have operations under hynposis rather than anaesthesia, despite being relaxed and calm, a significant percentage went into shock and had to be anaesthetised.

If only they'd been more relaxed, we could just sack all those pricey anaesthetists and replace them with hypnotists.

Anaesthesia is bollocks, everyone! Only hynposis is necessary!

Pain receptors are there to increase your chances of survival. That's why people with congenital analegesia rarely live long.

Hmm
GetTheXmasPartyStarted · 11/01/2011 20:33

YANBU at all

I was a real screamer. I have a very high pain threshold (have broken fingers and nose and dislocated shoulder and walked around on a fractured ankle for six months including playing sport thinking "hmmm, bit ouchy") but labour was just on another level entirely. Didn't help that DS was biggish, B2B and I was tied to the bed on my back either (agree this probably made it much worse for me and the poor woman on OBEM)

I don't get why people say you are wasting energy to scream, when you are doing exercise you are encouraged to exhale when exerting yourself. Tennis players grunt when hitting the ball. I found it very cathartic to scream and it was just unfortunate for the hospital that I am very good at projecting! I was told that I would have a sore throat in the morning, I think I said "well you should have bloody sorted out the epidural then, shouldn't you you patronising idiot". Voice was fine the next day Wink

Just because you had a painfree labour and kept your mouth shut doesn't mean that other people feel the same level of pain or cope with that pain in the same way.

porcamiseria · 11/01/2011 21:40

i hated hearing other women when I was in labour, it haunted me. I actually put in ear plugs with DS2

in fact I also made the nnnnnngh noise that chicken did, I can imagine making that noise! It hurt, oh yes, but not in a way to make me scream, but each to their own

im one born, I swear the midwifes would have been alot nastier had they not been on TV

KittyFoyle · 11/01/2011 23:19

No Expat - you didn't say exactly that but I wasn't presenting myself as perfect either. You can keep your medal for someone else. I agree with Summer rain that tensing in anticipation of contractions increases their pain and 'letting it wash over you' as she puts it is easier, and somehow what happened to me. I was lucky, but have several friends and know other women who had similar experiences. You seem to think judging women who scream is uncalled for but it's fine to make snide comments to women who don't. I'm sorry you're confused about this.