to be fucking furious with myself for being a fat, lazy, slob??

[AngryLardArse]

I cannot believe I have spent 15 fucking years being fat.

15 wasted years feeling ugly and miserable. Our finances have suffered because I have never stayed in a job for long because I want to hide myself away all the time. My DCs have never known me as the slim, atttractive, fragrant woman I once was. I used to turn heads because I was gorgeous, now I turn heads because people mutter 'look at the arse on that'. I used to be a size 8-10 and spend hours getting ready to go out and look bloody great. I used to told that I should be a model with my amazing legs that now look like sausages. I had people wanting to draw my beautiful face that now looks like an over inflated balloon.

I have tried every 'diet' - Lighterlife, Cambridge, Slimfast, Weightwatchers and simply cutting out the crap and exercising. I have taken out gym memberships that I have not used after the first 2 months, bought DVDs and books, started walking and swimming but I can never keep it up.

I am now a massive 17st 2 fucking lbs and I am furious with myself for allowing myself to be like this. Simply because I have always put myself last, my teenage DD has nicer underwear and makeup than me ffs. She has never seen me wearing heels or a lovely dress.

I promised myself this would be the year I do it and we are already on the 10th January and I have done sod all so far apart from buy another DVD that I have not yet opened. I am 40 in October and my late 20s and all my 30s have been completely wasted in fatness. Before long I will be too old to wear all the lovely clothes I want to wear!!!

I want to scream - why can't I do it?

AIBU to think I am a fucking disgrace? Don't be gentle - tell me I should be furious with myself and am ruining my DCS life because I have isolated myself from people, we have no social life at all and I have no confidence to go out and get a job and a life.

I read this and see so many people I know. I too need to lose weight and for many of us who are in this fat position, we have the same sentiments as you, especially as time ticks on

Are there other underlying reasons? You need to unlock why you sabotage your desire to be the slim, healthy beautiful person that you are meant to be. There are reasons - look at wha you can do to find out why, weight watchers? Therapy? Hypnosis?

You probably spent years thinking 'I shall do it tomorrow' and now here you are nearly 40. Can you get a group of people in the same position together and spur each other on? Shall we spur each other on? I'll join in a 'let's get the fucking fat gone' group if you will! Shall we do it? X

the first thing you need to do is open the DVD, I struggle with my weight, in that I have to work hard to stop me ballooning out. I know you said you've tried lots of diets, so have I and the only one that worked for me was Slimming world, because you dont have to limit your food just eat different things, therefore you're still full but not of crap. I think groups are really powerful because you meet other people and can spur each other on when one of you is feeling discouraged. Maybe try and get a friend to go along with you??

it is really hard to change lots of things at once so sort your diet out first, then you will feel more energetic, and try and introduce excerise around 8 weeks later. It takes 8 weeks of repetition for something to become a habit.

When I first started dieting, I put the whole house on a diet, that way there was no temptations lying around. HTH

Please be kinder to yourself.

Loads, and I mean LOADS, of people don't settle down into who they really are until their 40s, 50s even 60s. You can expect to have another 30 years of your life so the question is now: what next?

Don't be too angry with yourself about your past and missed opportunities. There are obviously lots of lessons to learn from where we've been, but I think you need to look forward now and take every day at a time. You haven't fucked up tomorrow. So start then. And if you do fuck up tomorrow morning, well, you haven't fucked up tomorrow afternoon. Just get started on the things you want to be.

I believe it's easier to lose the first five stone than the last five pounds because once you're in the zone then nothing can stop you. I think once you get going on that then the achievement of even just a few pounds will unlock the confidence thing. Well, that's what I'm like anyway.

Good luck!

Great Idea MsKLo! Ill join too if Im allowed! x

It's not my place to be gentle with you. You need to be gentle with yourself. If your friend or your daughter came to you and said that someone had said these things about her, wouldn't you want to deck that bitch? Treat yourself with some respect. There is no point beating yourself up because of "15 wasted years feeling ugly and miserable". Those 15 years are gone. Beating yourself up won't bring them back. It just leaves you beaten up. I don't think you think you deserve to be attractive and that is probably why you keep dropping out of the regimes you try. You see yourself as having failed before you've begun. I mean, c'mon, we're only ten fucking days into the year, there's more than 300 more! You aren't going to lose 15 years of fat in ten fucking days! If you lose it in this year you'll have done bloody well! Stop being mean to yourself! Try saying all this shit out loud. You will rightly hate yourself for being bitchy. Yes you're fat, yes you need to exercise, yes you could use a social life. You won't achieve any of that by bullying yourself!!!

dont waste your effort on being mad at yourself

open the dvd and do it

dont bother trying to work out why you have't yet

do it
go on do it now
dare you

I don't think you are a disgrace but in all honesty it sounds like you don't finish anything that you have started. losing weight is a long and hard journey, results don't happen overnight. you need to find a plan that works for you that is easy to stick to and gentle to begin with then as you get used to it start pushing yourself more and more, go back to the slimming club but take a friend as women zare known to do better when they have support from friends and family. Or you could try going to the doctors and get on the BEEP plan (not sure if thats still running). I doubt that you are ruining your childrens lives but you need to install a healthy attitude to food and body image.

Not really sure if any of this helps but i deal with a similar problem with my partner as he is a big man and struggles with sticking to routines and diets etc.

Print your post out - without the swearing - blow it up so you can read it from a few feet away and stick a copy on the fridge.

You can do this, you know you can do this and you want it. Have you tried Slimming World? (you don't mention it).

It doesn't matter that it's Jan 10 and you haven't done anything, you could start tomorrow if you wanted to.

Hey, have you just tried eating less and excersising more?

Just get yourself a wii fit, start slowly and build up.

Ive put on 3 stone, lost a stone but the other two is real hard to lose.

I don't like myself much either but you can do it but it takes time and determination.

YOu can be the person you was again but you have to try.

Have you got any thyroid problems at all, have you been checked?

You HAVEN'T ruined your children's lives by being fat.

But obviously it really bothers you, so it is better to focus that energy on actually DOING something rather than being cross.

You need to believe that you are worth the effort.

I'm not sure what to say, but I wanted to give you a hug because you seem so angry and sad.

Damn, you've touched a nerve. Sorry for the swearing. But if I don't get my act together, in 20 years I'll be you. Not the fatness, not the lack of confidence, not the lack of social life. Well, probably all that, but that's not the problem. The self-loathing is the problem. But you're not dead yet. And no matter what, I can guarantee you will be there for the rest of your life. That's the only constant. So don't you want to spend the rest of your life with a kind, loving, forgiving, encouraging self? Not someone who kicks you when you're down. The whole fucking world can do that on its own just fine.

Open the DVD and give up the diets is my advice. Loads of rigorous excercise, healthy foods and smaller portions...stop snacking between meals (if indeed you do)

I know it sounds over simplistic but if you burn off more calories than your consume, you will lose weight.

Willpower is the key...and that's something we all need more of.

Yep babeinthewood! How can w start a support group? Inbox each other? Or is there another way to do it on here? X

I think any of us who need to lose weight feel like this in January, most will make a new lifestyle plan, and the vast majority will have given up by February.

I dont have any solutions, but you are certainly not alone in feeling the way you do.

Dont think of losing the weight for the benefit of fitting into a size 10.. do it for the sake of your health. That was what spurred me into doing it, and had far more effect than the dress that has sat in my wardrobe since I was 18 and dream of one day getting into.

I still cant get into it.. but it would look ridiculous on me now anyway..

please don't be so hard on yourself- its upsetting to read never mind imagine how you must feel. you are the way you are because you are a selfless, loving person who has put others before youself for years and years. Do you seriously think your family and other half would somehow love you more if you were a vain, shallow, materialistic stick insect?

I think you need to sit and talk with someone you can trust. You sound an open, lovely person and believe me you deserve lots of good pals- circumstances are the only reason they are not flocking aroundyou.

I dont think you are a disgrace, maybe lacking in confidence though.

You can be overweight and wear nice clothes/underwear, make the most of yourself.

Is there a reason why you give up on diets/exercise? Do you get support from your family?

I know I'm a bit overweight myself but for me the problem isnt so much my weight it the state of my body, saggy, stretchmarks, big tummy, small boobs and my hair, god I hate my hair, it's very thin and lanky looking.

Sorry I dont really have any answers for you but you are really not alone in feeling the way you do, I just dont know how others feel better about themselves.

((((((Hug))))))))

What you need is some self worth, not all this loathing. YES, I think you should start a new lifestyle, but not with the sole purpose of being slimmer, you need to feel important, and sexy-believe me, most women who have had children feel like you do, at some point.

I'm still a size 10 after 4 kids, but the body I had is wrecked. I have no social life and I am on the edge of a breakdown.

My plan is to try to find me again and work out why I should feel good about myself. I think you should too :) and if you find any answers, share...!!! Xxx

((((((Hug))))))))

What you need is some self worth, not all this loathing. YES, I think you should start a new lifestyle, but not with the sole purpose of being slimmer, you need to feel important, and sexy-believe me, most women who have had children feel like you do, at some point.

I'm still a size 10 after 4 kids, but the body I had is wrecked. I have no social life and I am on the edge of a breakdown.

My plan is to try to find me again and work out why I should feel good about myself. I think you should too :) and if you find any answers, share...!!! Xxx

the boxing game on the wii is fab, sod all to it but really gets your pulse going

You know what? I think you're being way too harsh on yourself. I also think that your self-loathing is a big part of the issue here. You're seeing things in such stark black and white terms that that's distorting your whole view of who you are and what you have achieved in your life.

Think about it this way. So far you've tried all sorts of things to tackle this issue as one solely to do with your weight. It hasn't worked. Therefore maybe that's the wrong way to try to deal with this.

Maybe, just maybe, the problem here isn't with your weight but with something else. Maybe, just maybe, your eating habits are not the actual problem here but are instead a symptom of a deeper issue about how you see yourself and/or how you try to cope with life.

Have you ever tried asking your GP for counselling? I understand that CBT can be extremely helpful for changing the way you see yourself and, in particular, in helping you to stop the self-condemnations and recriminations.

One final thought - if your DCs are struggling with something, do you think it would be more helpful to treat them with love and support or to scream at them that they're a fucking disgrace and that they've wasted their lives? Why not try treating yourself with the same love and kindness that you would treat them?

Please try to think positively. Look at the good things you have in your life and work on your confidence. It really sounds like you don't like yourself. Maybe explore why that is? Have you tried the Paul Mckenna Think yourself thin diet? That makes the most sense to me. A lot of the times we eat out of habit. I know I trowel food in sometimes (ok a lot of the time) but I've become aware of that now so am trying not to do it. Also am snacking on healthier things. Trying to do things with my hands rather than eat. Am eating lots of veggy food.

I hope you can make tomorrow the day when you start to go forward with a positive attitude

Right it's a new year so now u can make a new start! Get that gym membership going and get in that gym although I do know that gyms can be an overwheming place sometimes so another good way to start is- jogging one a week, then maybe twice a week then, three times and ur see the weight start moving, jog in a park where nobody knows you so you won't get anxious and nervous and maybe drag a friend along that's how I lost my baby weight.
but you have to change your eating too so start eating greens with every meal, bake chicken instead of frying and so on. Eat fish twice a week if u can, I did and I hated fish but once seasoned its actually quite nice anyway you just have to think this is fixable! Right your not dying and you can still think for yourself so don't give up get out instead oh try and go for a walk after every meal even if it's around the block. Good luck!!! You can do it!

the hula hoop on the wii is knackering too.. but it works..

What a lovely thread.