to be fucking furious with myself for being a fat, lazy, slob??

[AngryLardArse]

I cannot believe I have spent 15 fucking years being fat.

15 wasted years feeling ugly and miserable. Our finances have suffered because I have never stayed in a job for long because I want to hide myself away all the time. My DCs have never known me as the slim, atttractive, fragrant woman I once was. I used to turn heads because I was gorgeous, now I turn heads because people mutter 'look at the arse on that'. I used to be a size 8-10 and spend hours getting ready to go out and look bloody great. I used to told that I should be a model with my amazing legs that now look like sausages. I had people wanting to draw my beautiful face that now looks like an over inflated balloon.

I have tried every 'diet' - Lighterlife, Cambridge, Slimfast, Weightwatchers and simply cutting out the crap and exercising. I have taken out gym memberships that I have not used after the first 2 months, bought DVDs and books, started walking and swimming but I can never keep it up.

I am now a massive 17st 2 fucking lbs and I am furious with myself for allowing myself to be like this. Simply because I have always put myself last, my teenage DD has nicer underwear and makeup than me ffs. She has never seen me wearing heels or a lovely dress.

I promised myself this would be the year I do it and we are already on the 10th January and I have done sod all so far apart from buy another DVD that I have not yet opened. I am 40 in October and my late 20s and all my 30s have been completely wasted in fatness. Before long I will be too old to wear all the lovely clothes I want to wear!!!

I want to scream - why can't I do it?

AIBU to think I am a fucking disgrace? Don't be gentle - tell me I should be furious with myself and am ruining my DCS life because I have isolated myself from people, we have no social life at all and I have no confidence to go out and get a job and a life.

roseability - did we have the same parents?!

Ok, first of all, even if the past is to blame for why you got to the weight you are, you cant blame the past for not starting a new you tomorrow.

Be harsh with yourself but in a different way. Get the ipod plugged into your ears and get out walking. Go swimming.. trust me, you will not be the biggest person in the pool... (and you cant eat while you swim!!

Forget faddy diets.. they dont work, and the weight doesnt stay off. Set a realistic target. And base it on exercise, not cutting out food.

Ok, cut down on the crappy stuff, but pig out on the healthier stuff, and EXERCISE... its a cliche I know, but it really is the best way to get started.

Make new rules. TV gets switched off at 9am. You will soon get bored sitting there looking at a wall.

Join a slimming club.. you will make new friends, will start to gain a social life, and you will get loads of support from others in the group too.

I feel exactly the same (at 13stone) and its making me feel heartbroken tbh. I dont feel the same person as I was but I cant stop my self destructive behaviour.

I have only read the OP.

Instead of feeling so angry with yourself, put the anger into determination to do something and stick with it. You can do it. No it won't be easy, but it is doable. Join one of the slimming threads on here or start your own. Just don't give up on yourself. You might never be a size 10 again, but a size 14/16 is a good goal to aim for in the long term.

I joined a thread on here and also get weighed in at the gp's surgery and it has helped. Talk to your doctor, I'm sure they will give you some help :)

Gemsy - we have to start tackling it though don't we. Please don't leave it as long as me (am assuming you are 27) and waste your youth feeling this way whatever you do.

I will read through all this again in the morning - new day and all that. Thanks all .

Was reading recently about the number of calories you need to drop to lose a pound, and you can't do that just with exercise so you will have to eat less. I think you have to get to the bottom of why you eat. The people I know who remain thin no matter what (and I am not one of them), just don't have a warped relationship with food - it's just fuel. While you beat yourself up, you will find it hard to make changes. What could you do each day to feel a bit better? I like to make my hair look half decent and get some make up slapped on. I'm more likely to have a positive day and eat less then. Do you need more protein? Definitely makes me snack less and keeps my mood even. I'm no expert, just a few suggestions, but hope tomorrow is better.

Angry - I think you're been really hard on yourself - get walking!!

Diets dont work - you need to exercise.

The thing stopping you is willpower. The best remedy for this is to find some friends to exercise with or to pay for a personal trainer. You need people who will drag you out and wont put up with your excuses.

The trick is to build a routine. Dont duck out of a session for any reason - the next one will be even harder on the motivation.

Then after a couple of months you'll realise you've lost inches, get a massive buzz from it, and there will be no stopping you. You'll want to loose weight faster and thats when you'll start cutting down on your food intake etc without it feeling like a chore.

6 months/year down the line and exercise will be one of your hobbies, and you'll bore your friends with incessant chatter about it as you pick out your new wardrobe.

Angry - I am not over-weight atm, but I used to be (a bit) ... so I sympathise/get how u feel. And I think u r right to be angry ... as it is so frustrating to be out of control.

My advice (without knowing u or ur situation too well) is (as others have already suggested) for u to try WALKING as exercise and move to a healthier/lower calorie diet. Aim for a gradual change ... no crash diet or overdoing it.

And, (controversial advice here maybe), I would recommend having a set of bathroom scales for u to do a private daily weigh-in ... 1st thing every morning. Can cope with that? U have to be patient & not overly depressed at the starting postion/potential set backs! I just think it helps to know where u r ... to face the truth ... & then to just keep up the commitment to lose weight with regular walking (or other exercise), aswell as better eating.

I think the daily weighing is needed (if u can face it) as if u see the weight really isnt going, u can opt to gradually increase the exercise taken and/or decrease the calories u r eating, until u see the weight starts to drop in a nice regular/gradual fashion. (No crash dieting or it will go straight back on later!)

I know u said u tried walking already & didnt manage to keep it up ... but can u try it AGAIN? Just walk, walk, walk, as fast as u can .... so u get up a sweat. Walk every day if u can. From 5-10 mins up to 1-2 hrs. Up to u how much u can fit in. Weather is crap atm, but it will get better as spring comes around. By summer u can be really into it? Walking helps mood and less temptation/time to be eating when walking?

Places where u can walk:

• round & round a small sports track, or a public park pathway, (counting ur laps to make it interesting),
• round & round a residential area,
• there/back along lanes
• inside a large shopping mall or in an airport or at work ... ie walk along long corridors, go up/down a level (by stairs), along corridor, go down/up a level therefore u end up doing sneaky circuits!
• to go visit someone
• to/from shops

Try for 3-4 times a week ... regular route? Or even better, do a daily distance? Get a pedometer maybe?

If u do find someone who would like to join u on ur walks, then that can be good .... as long as that someone is also committed and will walk fast enough. Nice if u can chat as time passes so quickly when talking! But if u havent got someone suitable to walk with, then just go on ur own (eg in ur lunch break or morning/evening slots). It can be really nice on ur own ... then u can do exactly what u like/when u like.

When walking alone, u can get away (mentally) from all ur problems/people hassling u/interruptions ... unless u have a mobile phone ... but u could also switch the phone off if u like? Walking on ur own is so relaxing and very empowering ... as well as calorie burning. Even if I walk in a crowded town centre I can have a very nice feeling of being alone in the crowd!

When walking outdoors, I sometimes like to listen to radio 4 on ipod style headphones, or a language cassette/CD (eg when doing laps of a public park), or an audio book or some great upbeat music (lifts ur sprits). But mostly, I just let my mind wander free .... to think about what I need to do next (shopping/cooking/other tasks) ... so I don't feel so guilty re time 'wasted' away from household duties ie I can hit the ground running after my exercise time is over.

In walking time, u can also allow urself to daydream eg of who u want to be or what u want to strive for? Just thinking that u r thinner/more attractive helps ur self esteem and is very postive overall.

Walking is so easy ... just need comfy shoes/trainers and suitable outdoor clothes ... and u can make it harder physically (over time) by increasing distances/time, going uphill/steps, carrying shopping etc.

U can even start to do interval jogging if u want to. I see a lot of middle aged (fat) women jogging these days .... and good on 'em. There was a time when they would have got stared at/teased ... but not any more. Ppl just think "good for u" if they see someone trying to get fitter ... and if they can do better why don't they? So there's no need to worry about what ppl think.

Nb I try to do all my food shopping locally on foot ... combining walking with a useful task. (I take a good rucksack for the heavy stuff, and several good cloth bags for the more squashable things. Then I use a hand basket in the shop so I don't buy too much to carry back, weight-wise.)

"Having no free time" is the worst thing IMO for not helping to get one's weight/health under control. (So I hope u can find the time to walk.) When I have no time to think or to exercise, I get more & more stressed and tired then I will tend eat too much/wrong stuff. Maybe same for others?

So 1st thing is to try sort out ur life/timetable a bit, so u can find that spare time in which to exercise/think? IMO, the (positive) thinking (=gaining mental strength) is as important as the walking!

Then u just need to 'tweak' the meals a bit ... for the whole family. I'm sure u know how to do that ... ie just have more fresh foods/veg (less processed crap) and definitely a lot less/no sugar. Nb I find that 'good' fats in moderation are not the enemy ... ie they're fine/better than sugary crap eg olive oil, some cheese, fat on unprocessed meats. These fats help to fill u up and keep the cold out!

So just walk, walk, walk, eat well ... & try to be happier?

The power walking will do the trick in time if u push urself ... ie it will make u fitter, thinner/firmer & stronger mentally! It's obviously a tough road ahead ... but think how u will feel in a year's time if u crack it?

And I really hope u do crack it! My way or any other way .... we're all behind u now!

Good luck!

Angry I could have written your OP.

It's just me - I'm way overweight, and have been for probably 15 years+.

I've always just let it pass me by, but with a few blips occasionally when it would affect me, but never enough for me to do anything serious about it.

I'm very lucky to have a DH who says he loves me for me, not what I look like, but I fail to see how I can be attractive to him anymore.

A couple of things have got me thinking recently:

1/ A new friend's DH confessed to being wild about me when I worked in a local pub, and that he and his mates used to come in just to see me as he thought I was so gorgeous. This must have been 89-92ish. I actually do not remember him or his mates at all. I got really upset on the day he told me as I really beleive it's been a long time since anyone looked at me like that, and made me realise how I've let myself go.

2/ A friend that I went out with recently told me how beautiful her DH thinks my face is. That word is the clincher really face. It kind of limits the compliment doesn't it?

3/ A dear dear friend that I have met on here was trying to persuade me to go to the MN Christmas Meet-up, but only my weight stopped me. It's ok to be anonymous on here, but I'd hate people to actually put my face to my MN Name. That's crap isn't it?

I peeked in on a thread with AnnieOnAMapleLeaf and promised to start something tooday with that gang of triers, but have done absolutely fuck all about it today, but Angry, your thoughts are so similar to mine, I think that I could feel more at ease with you and hopefully more inspired to do something about it.

I feel like I've left it so long and now it is limiting how I'm spending my everyday life.

Please feel free to PM me.

Angry - how are you today? Let's get a support thing going and for anyone who wants to join and get to it! I started on my healthy eating yday and feel better already! The trick is not to go in too extreme. Let's bounce tips off each other and help each other x

Right with you, OP. Thats me. I did lose 7 st at one point, but where is it now? Right back on my arse. State of mind is the key - only healthy food and lots of exercise is how I did it last time, and the abyss I stare at again now.

Let us know how you get on.

The self loathing is what is holding you back/making you fat. Until you sort that out you will not lose the weight imo.
Good luck. Love yourself.

It's a bit of a vicious circle you won't lose weight until you start liking yourself but you won't start liking yourself until you lose weight.

Just because you are fat DOES NOT mean you can't dress nicely and put a bit of makeup on. My sister is about 4 stone heavier than me but always looks much more stylish and prettier (and wears heels and dresses!).

I would right now forget about food and forget about exercise and for the next 4 weeks just concentrate on finding time for you and liking who you are as a person because losing the weight isn't going to change your personality. Believe me no-one else sees you physically as you see yourself. You are your own worse critic.

Once you have made time for yourself you might find yoursef in a better place to continue the exercise and the dieting, you might find by liking yourself as a person you start eating better naturally.

Good Luck.

Watching the programme 'the biggest loser' last night, I got my excercise bike in the lounge and cycled all the way through it! I'm trying to eat five a day at the moment, try the carrot soup, recipe on Mumsnet, it's lovely and low fat. I'm not happy but every little helps, eh? Good luck gal, you can do it!

^Diets dont work - you need to exercise^
Actually diets are more effective alone than exercise although of course both are needed for the best.

Exercise on its own is not effective as you generally compensate for what you eat. Ie. "Oh I've earned that...."

In my opinion, OP needs both as part of a wholesale change of her lifestyle.

Whilst I partially agree with whoever said "Don't look at the past", I think that depends upon if the overeating stems from psychological reasons or not. If not then absolutely. Otherwise you are not addressing the root cause.

I think a month with a private trainer who will keep pushing you, ensure you are dieting safely & effectively will do wonders. The hardest part is the first month.

When I started training I couldn't run a few hundred yards without huffing & puffing like an old man. The first week, after each session I could barely walk. But bit by bit it got better and one day I just realised I could do this!

^Watching the programme 'the biggest loser' last night, I got my excercise bike in the lounge and cycled all the way through it!^

We watched that programme too. I looked up at the first ad break and noticed we were all sat there eating ice creams.

Start by removing all unhealthy food from the house. Whatever it is that you can't resist - crisps, biscuits, nice cheese. Get rid of all of it, or it'll sabotage your attempts in no time.

YABVU to talk about yourself like that. :(

No matter what life throws at you - your weight will not be chipped in to your tombstone. The number on the scales does not indicate the value of you as a person.

jesus, Christ you would NEVER be so rude or angry with someone else, it is NOT ok to talk to yourself like this! Use your manners!

The most persistantly slim and healthy weighted person I know has no qualms about saying, at 10pm at my house, "Actually, I'm STARVING! Can I have a cheese snandwich?"

But she ALSO has no qualms about saying, when offered a cheese sandwich on other nights "Nahhh I'm not really hungry thanks" - and if you 'check' "are you sure, I'm maKing one anyway etc etc" - she just looks baffled,a nd says "No, really, I'm not hungry at all!"

to me, a 10 pm cheese sandwich has about as much to do with hunger as my choice of mug. that's why I'm 3 stone over my ideal weight, and she's absolutely spot on - BMI 21.

Yesterday I went and joined weight weight watchers. I cried when I got on the scales 16st 4lb. I know I have to do something about it, I know I am damaging my health and wasting my life feeling sorry for myself.

I have been seeing a counsellor, due to issues in my past I eat. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat for the sake of eating. But the ONLY person who is o blame for me being overweight is ME. Not anyone in my past. It's ME, I'm the only one that can put food in my mouth, and actually fuck it. They have messed up my life for far too long I will not let them ruin it anymore. I want to enjoy my DH and my DD and I will.

The new strap line for weight watchers is lose weight for the last time and that's what I'm going to do. I have 6 stone to lose (that is 6 of my DD!) It's going to be a long long hard road but it was a long road to get here with my eating!

I have zero self confidence and walking into the meeting was horrible. I sat at the back on my own. But I will get to know people, I will get my confidence back. I deserve this!

It doesn't matter you didn't start on the 1st January, what matters is that you start.

Can you have a look at the club section for weight loss and see if anyone going to a slimming club in your area?

I will do it, and you will too, but you need to be motivated and deal with whatever it is holding you back!

LemonDifficult said 'you haven't fucked up tomorrow'.

I'm keeping that.

Good luck OP