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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people being all judgey about others' lifestyles shouldn't count holidays as luxuries

105 replies

nutsandtangerines · 10/01/2011 13:34

This summer, all being well, we will have a toddler and a newborn. It is becoming pretty clear we won't be able to afford to go on holiday.

I am so relieved.

WHY do people on here:

a. moan about others' (perhaps benefit-financed) holidays?
b. moan that they can't afford them themselves?

Holidays are HORRIFIC. You rush around at work in advance trying to get things stable enough that people won't spend the whole time you are away phoning you or bitching about you. Your life becomes an obsessive conveyor belt of laundry to get all the clothes you need washed and dried in time to pack. You pack. Your hands and nails flake and snag as you stuff things into too small bags at 3 in the morning. You weep. You go to bed. You get up and attempt to clean the house in the 3 and half minutes between everyone finishing breakfast and leaving the house. You accept that you are going to come back to filth. You leave. You realise you have forgotten to turn things off. You have forgotten some medication, and the charger for your camera. You drive for a day. Child(ren) whinge. You arrive. It is raining. It is cold. There is nothing to eat. Everyone is hungry. You make a horrible meal out of emergency indredients that you would never eat at home. It is rejected. There are hungry tears. You wash up in a tiny sink that splashes water all over your front. You have hardly any tops left because you simply did not have the energy to force any more into the case over all the nappies and the man clothes that are already in there. you put the child(ren) to bed. They don't sleep. You run up and down the stairs after them for a few hours. You drink as much as possible when they finally seem to have dropped off. Go to bed. DP snores. Don't sleep. Child(ren) wake up at 5.30 and don't know where they are and cry. It is raining. What on earth are you going to do for 14 hours until you are allowed to put child(ren) back in bed and start drinking again? You begin the sysiphean task of stopping the toddler breaking its neck on the completely open stairs. This will dominate your existence for the next 7 days. Everyone is hungry. There is nothing to eat.

Etc.

Eventually you are allowed to go home where you immediately succumb to a horrific virus because you are exhausted. If you have a job you can take days off sick because you have an illness policy and a childminder. This feels like the best thing that has ever happened in your whole life. If you are on maternity leave you will wish you were dead for another 7 - 10 days while normal life continues amongst the laundry generated by the holiday.

This summer it looks like we won't be able to afford to get away anywhere. Should anything change this position I will be HIDING the money in a secret account and INSISTING that we will just have to do some family day trips instead.

AIBU?

OP posts:
swanandduck · 10/01/2011 13:36

YANBU. I don't grudge anyone their holiday (well, unless they've been moaning and moaning about how broke they are and then book a fortnight in the Seychelles) but it would never be a huge priority with me.

I also don't understand people who rush out the minute Christmas is over and book a holiday for the Summer so 'they'll have something to look forward to'.

TrillianAstra · 10/01/2011 13:38

Your holidays sound rubbish.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 10/01/2011 13:39

Holidays are bliss as long as you get to have a good long swim every day.

Fayrazzled · 10/01/2011 13:39

I think you sound a bit of a misery, TBH, nutsandtangerines.

Yes, holidays can involve a bit of hard work in the preparation, and yes, as parents holidays aren't really what they were in the past.

But, some of my best childhood memories are of being on holiday and I hope to give my children the same. Holidays don't have to be expensive- we've had plenty in the UK. But even though it's not perfect 100% of the time, or even 75% of the time, we've had fun and spent time together which is what counts.

Portofino · 10/01/2011 13:42

I love holidays me! I look forward to mine all year.

My handy hints:

Go where you are guaranteed nice weather if at all possible.

Write a list of everything you need and prepare gradually in advance

Pick accommodation suitable for small children. Don't try and cram the whole family in 1 hotel room.

Go self catering, but pick somewhere that has a range of takeaways and restaurants close by so you don't cook every night.

When they are little you need a beach. And a beach umbrella and buckets and spades. No cultural or other activities required.

Kids clubs for bigger kids

GandTiceandaslice · 10/01/2011 13:42

That'll teach you to go to Butlins Wink

I hate holidays though. We have the same thing every year. MrG&T loves his holidays. We arrange a holiday. I smile thorugh gritted teeth while we are there for his sake & for the children. The children love thier holidays.

Original poster
nutsandtangerines · 10/01/2011 13:43

Trillian - you are right, they are! Completely rubbish.
That's why I don't like them.

OP posts:
pommedeterre · 10/01/2011 13:44

Holidays with children are about expectation imo.
If you expect or set your definition of hoiliday by the pre children one you will be disappointed.
If you accept you are going somewhere else to live for a few days and will have to do all the normal childcare/house tasks BUT it may be sunnier, dh will be there all the time and you can all go out to cafes for lunch/days at the beach etc then they're great.
I love holidays for exactly the same reason as Fayrazzled - time together as a family.

MollysChambers · 10/01/2011 13:44

Holidays are fantastic! Although I do get completely stressed out preparing.

Unfortunately we average a proper (getting on a plane!) holiday about once every 3 or 4 years.

Lots of fun to be had in the UK though!

cantspel · 10/01/2011 13:46

You need a different type of holiday.
Book a 5* hotel with childrens club, great beach and plenty of sun.

i always book my holidays within days of arriving home from the last one. To me a family holiday is very important and i will go without somethings to be able to afford an expensive summer holiday

Ormirian · 10/01/2011 13:46

WHich is exactly why we keep going on hols in this country. CHuck stuff in car, set off, get there and unpack.

Original poster
nutsandtangerines · 10/01/2011 13:50

Fayrazzled - I agree, fun and spending time together is what counts. But I don't think you have to go 250 miles away to a place where the cooker doesn't work properly for these. That is why I think we should have fun and spend time together near a bed which dd will sleep well in every night.

I can't remember being 2 so I don't know whether it really matters to a 2 year old being away or not (as it does to, say, a 7 year old or a 9 year old). So I have decided to take the unilateral decision that it doesn't matter.

When dd was a couple months old I thought every single nap she had in circumstances while I was still trudging about (ie not in her cot so I could jump into bed too) was the biggest waste of sleeping ever. Or at least sit down and have a cup of tea. Holidays with babies are hard because I am ftoo shy to admit to my lazy mat leave schedule which is basically: when she sleeps I am off duty. No spending whole days trudging about with sleeping babies in slings on my regime. It's another story on holiday and I am too lazy to take it. When I haven't slept all night.

OP posts:
Lynli · 10/01/2011 13:51

4* hotels usually more child friendly than 5. If it is to expensive go for long weekend or every two years.

I have never seen the point of going on holiday somewhere that isn't as nice as your own home.

trice · 10/01/2011 13:54

I don't like conventional holidays either.

MarshaBrady · 10/01/2011 13:55

Your op made me laugh. We just flew to aus and what did we say in the taxi half way to Paddington 'did you leave the heating on?'

I quite like holidays but need to be some perks; cooking done for you, sunny, nice beaches that sort of thing.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2011 13:55

OP, I am with you on this

when mine were tiny we simply did not go on holiday

far too stressful

if you are happier, and the kids are happier in a place that is familiar, stay at home

there is plenty of time for holidays when they grow a bit and get more independent/better at sleeping etc

FabbyChic · 10/01/2011 13:56

I dont begrudge any one a holiday, however I would class a 2k trip to the seaside a luxury, that would buy me two cars and insure them.

taffetacat · 10/01/2011 13:57

yy to driving. I hated holidays until the youngest was 3. DH makes a big effort on holidays as he doesn't see them much during the week. Last summer, we drove to France for 2 weeks, and as he had a bad back, he spent the entire time we were on the beach playing with the DC as he couldn't sit down. I read 6 books.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Disclaimer: This never happens so was ridiculously pleased

As they get older, you worry less about forgetting things. If you have passports, money, any medication and a few key toys, you can buy anything else.

I cook virtually every meal from scratch at home. DH cooks zero. On holiday, we eat out, I refuse to cook. This is my rule - I don't mind staying in a cottage rather than an expensive hotel, but I'm not cooking on holiday. Or washing up. So there. Its my holiday too.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 10/01/2011 13:58

Grin at nutsandtangerines. That's cheered me up, peversely. Twas funny.

cantspel · 10/01/2011 13:58

I have been traveling with mine since they were born. I think we had our first family holiday when oldest was 3 months old.
i wouldn't like to do a holiday where you had a long drive but a quick taxi ride to the airport is fine.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/01/2011 14:00

You are going on the wrong sort of holiday.

Go less often and stay in a hotel rather than self-cater.

Lynli - exactly.

SlightlyJaded · 10/01/2011 14:00

Nuts

I agree with the stress of it all but... for me, as long as it is hot and sunny, almost nothing can phase me.

Therefore, we always go to somewhere that is pretty much guaranteed to be warm and sunny every day - Greek Islands feature heavily in our holiday history.

I have been away leaving the house a mess.
I have forgotten DS's favourite toy and the only thing that can make him sleep
I have tried to sterilise a bottle using a sink the size of a thimble
We have been squeezed into tiny 'family rooms' whereby DH and I have had to read by torchlight on the balcony
And so on and so forth

BUT the minute, we are all outside in the warm sunshine, I don't care about any of it.

I truly believe that the weather is the only ingredient you need. Once you have sun, you can be on a becah, by a pool, in a field, even on the road - and it just feels ok.

So in your shoes, I would hide the money and only release it when there is enough to book someone hot! Last minute deals are often cheaper than UK breaks!

MooMooFarm · 10/01/2011 14:00

Holidays with children in tow are not 'holidays' IMO. Yes they have their lovely moments, but most of the time is spent running around and working your arse off trying to keep your DC's even happier than usual - without the usual breaks of not having to watch them that you would usually get at home. A family holiday usually leaves me knackered and in need of a 'real' (ie without children) holiday.

Actually the best 'holidays' we have with our children are the stay at home kind of holidays you have over the extended Christmas break, for instance. The weather is kak so there's no pressure for days out, we can all just slob around at home, not worry about structured meal times, bed times, getting up times, etc .... bliss!

DastardlyandSmugly · 10/01/2011 14:00

I love my holidays. Spending time in the pool, sitting in the sunshine and then being able to sit out in the evening eating, drinking and chatting while the DCs are in bed is bliss.

We normally go with friends which does helps as the DCs entertain each other, you can spread the time you're 'on duty' and we have a lot of fun in the evenings together.

frgr · 10/01/2011 14:01

wow if that's your typical holiday, no wonder you don't enjoy them! they sound horrificly bad, and to think that people pay for the effort too.

so YANBU if that's what your holidays are like. rest assured not everyone has those though!