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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad and quite horrified that this couple aborted their babies...

126 replies

MsKLo · 08/01/2011 19:32

Couple with three sons abort twin boys conceived with IVF - and they will try again for a girl as their first daughter died

Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1345057/Couple-sons-abort-twin-boys-IVF--try-baby-girl-daughter-died.html#ixzz1ATR8ExuK

I read this and was just Shock

I do really really feel sad for them too, but also horrified that they aborted their boys because they were not girls

So sad

OP posts:
poorbuthappy · 08/01/2011 22:08

Would they be motivated by money to sell the story? Not read the link cos I don't want to get upset, but just wondering if they need the money for more IVF.

reallytired · 08/01/2011 22:09

I suppose the question is when you think a life starts. It seems to illogical to allow abortion because the children are the wrong sex if sex selection is not allowed at the embryo stage.

I feel sad for the family. They are mentaly screwed up. I feel it would be better for them if the resolved their grief before attepting to have more children.

mommmmyof2 · 08/01/2011 22:15

I am neither and I think abortion is one of those things that is not black or white.

Sometimes I think people really do feel they have no choice but in this particular situation I think it is wrong to go through IVF to then abort them.

When I was younger I said I would definatly never ever have an abortion but as you get older you do realise the world is not perfrct and sometimes you do have to choose.

But as I said every life is preciouse and they are getting rid of 2 to try again it just don't make sense!

pink4ever · 08/01/2011 22:53

buzz-they didnt "accidentally" get pregnant though.They actively sought to concieve by using ivf(not the easiest thing to go through I would imagine) and then made the choice to abort when it didnt turn out how they had hoped.
Being pro-choice does not nessacarily mean you think women should have abortions willy nilly(and before you try to flame me-I have had one).I would not like to go back to the old days when abortion was illegal/backstreet.But equally I think we have gone too far in the other direction.I dont agree with the current time limit on abortion(too high) but I accept in very extreme circumstances(ie baby incompatible with life,mothers health in danger) that late abortions may be unavoidable.
They have suffered the greatest loss of losing a child but they have the comfort of other dcs.That is something many women who go through ivf will never have.So yes I find their reasoning for abortion distasteful.

mommmmyof2 · 08/01/2011 22:56

You have hit the nail on the head pink4ever

toytown · 08/01/2011 23:05

I think it is horrible and selfish. They are only thinking of themselves. Not there existing children, the poor, innocent twins or the DD they long for. Just appauling IMO.

MsHighwater · 08/01/2011 23:10

I've always known my attitude to abortion is not black & white, especially since having my own dd. I am assuming that the article is substantially correct and the DM has not omitted any relevant fact or distorted the truth in any significant way.

Of course, abortion should be possible in certain circumstances but it is abhorrent to imagine (or to have as reality) a situation where anyone can choose abortion for non-serious reasons. I reject utterly the idea that it could be reasonable for anyone to elect to abort a healthy pregnancy for no other reason than that the child is the "wrong" sex. Otherwise, are we going to stand up for the right of families to abort female foetuses when they have "cultural" reasons for wanting to have male babies?

Original poster
MsKLo · 08/01/2011 23:13

Very good points mshighwater

OP posts:
SecretNutellaFix · 08/01/2011 23:13

And this is why finding out the sex of the baby for non-medical reasons should be banned. IMO.

flippinggorgeous · 08/01/2011 23:28

There are justifiable reasons for abortion in some circumstances and I believe it is a difficult decision not to be taken lightly.

What this couple has done is awful, just awful. To kill 2 babies so they can try to replace another dead baby is just wrong on so many levels.

BuzzLightBeer · 08/01/2011 23:55

I know that Pink. I find it distasteful too, but that doesn't mean I can decide that they are not allowed. 100% pro-choice means exactly that.

MsHighwater · 08/01/2011 23:59

Which is why, BuzzLightBeer, I am not 100% "pro-choice". But it does not follow, before anyone suggests is, that I am, consequently, "anti-abortion". I refuse to be pigeon-holed on this issue.

BuzzLightBeer · 09/01/2011 00:08

how did you extrapolate that from my post? I was responding to the poster who addressed a point specifically to me. I made no comment on you.

coccyx · 09/01/2011 08:55

Should not have been allowed to abort them, on what grounds. Hope they never concieve again

Xolo · 09/01/2011 09:13

Revolting state of affairs.

What if they conceive a girl but they discover something is 'wrong' with her? Try again I suppose?

I don't judge people who don't feel ready for a child or who discover their baby has a disorder or something they couldn't cope with and choose termination... but this is way over the line. Not fit for parenting.

Agree with previous poster: what happens when their existing sons discover their crime? I don't know if it's against the law, but it should be. It's sex selection by the worst means.

Lamorna · 09/01/2011 09:29

They simply don't deserve children. They are a gift and blessing, not something you pick and choose like a handbag.

LeQueen · 09/01/2011 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lamorna · 09/01/2011 09:40

They need counselling to come to terms with the death. It is very damaging to have a child who is expected to be a replacement. It is very sad that their DD died, but she can't be replaced, she was unique.

LeQueen · 09/01/2011 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzLightBeer · 09/01/2011 12:34

I never understood that comment "privilege not a right" its so...precious. Children are a biologically compulsion and for most people, not something they need anyones permission for.

No, nobody has the right to a child, but they do have the right to bodily determination.

chocolatebuttontheif · 09/01/2011 12:42

They don't deserve to have another daughter if they're happy to abort healthy babies just for being male.

jessiealbright · 09/01/2011 12:43

They need counselling, as other posters have said.

In addition to all that, if they do have a daughter, heaven knows how they're going to cope if she's not a "girly" girl...

Any daughter they have is going to be under a hell of a lot of pressure, isn't she?

K12Mom · 09/01/2011 12:50

We are doing Gender Selection in America at the moment. We had a daughter who died then 3 sons. We love our sons dearly, but are desperate to try to replace the little girl we lost.

Although we are choosing the gender of our next child (through PGD), I have to say that what this couple have done is utterly, utterly despicable.

chocolatebuttontheif · 09/01/2011 12:58

K12mom i'm sorry but you will never be able to replace the DD you lost.

K12Mom · 09/01/2011 13:00

Well, obviously I know that, chocolatebuttonontheshelf, I am not completely stupid.