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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad and quite horrified that this couple aborted their babies...

126 replies

MsKLo · 08/01/2011 19:32

Couple with three sons abort twin boys conceived with IVF - and they will try again for a girl as their first daughter died

Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1345057/Couple-sons-abort-twin-boys-IVF--try-baby-girl-daughter-died.html#ixzz1ATR8ExuK

I read this and was just Shock

I do really really feel sad for them too, but also horrified that they aborted their boys because they were not girls

So sad

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 08/01/2011 20:45

Buzz, of course there is a limit. The categories are pro chic or pro life. pro life is anti abortion, I am not and am therefore pro choice.

That does not mean I am anti life or support abortion for any old reason. perhaps I should label myself pro decent reasonable sensible and humane choice?

Vallhala · 08/01/2011 20:47

Shocking but to have denied the woman an abortion would have been to deny her the right to choose. This is something which I consider important and valuable so there is no winning in this case AFAIAC. Either course of action would have been abhorrent.

Original poster
MsKLo · 08/01/2011 20:48

I was outta order and I jus wanted you to know

Strong ballsy women like us is what makes the world go round! Lol

Oh and me kids ain't spoilt ya cheeky mare - I am on em in a flash if they are naughty...
I was gonna start an AIBU about women who don't tell their kids off for being naughty but thought i have raised enough drama fOr one week

Thanks spikey-nicey-cow Wink

OP posts:
tigerchilli · 08/01/2011 20:48

Not for me to judge.

BuzzLightBeer · 08/01/2011 20:49

then you aren't very pro-choice are you, if you say well you can do it when I say, but not when you want. You have to give me a reason and I will decide if its good enough. If I don't like you choice, you can't have it, you can have my choice.
Doesn't sound very pro-choice to me.

Original poster
MsKLo · 08/01/2011 20:50

Good points from both shakirasma and vallhalla x

OP posts:
EdgarAleNPie · 08/01/2011 20:51

i am pro choice, it's their choice not mine, and therefore none of my beeswax.

i may disapprove, but i still believe the right should still be there - the woman shouldn't be forced to continue with a pregnancy she doesn't want.

spikeycow · 08/01/2011 20:51

Never thought your children were spoilt for a second. It's hard to find digs about people you don't know, so sometimes you just have to pull things out of hats Grin

KristinaM · 08/01/2011 20:53

But many people occupy a middle ground between

No abortion under any circumstances and

Abortion any time you like for any reason

The debate is not as simple as you suggest

undercovamutha · 08/01/2011 20:54

ilovemyhens
Sat 08-Jan-11 20:23:41
'I hope the woman ends up sterile and that their three sons dump them permanently once they reach 18.'

Seems very harsh ilove. My mum lost a daughter and said that when she was pg with her next child she wished more than anything that it would be a girl. Not to replace her DD2 as such, but just the strongest of feelings that she needed another DD. She certainly worried how she would react if she had a DS.

I'm not saying this is right, and I'm not saying I agree with what this couple has done, but I think there needs to be some empathy for what this poor couple have gone through and how it has effected them.

jellybeans · 08/01/2011 20:57

I can understand a desire for the same sex you lost as you may feel that you SHOULD have a daughter/son and something would always feel missing. I lost girls and had boys both times afterwards, twins in one case. However, I already had 2 older DDs. I was just over the moon to be blessed with another baby in both cases. Gender seemed irrelevant. It was kind of final that I would never have a 3rd living DD but I still HAD my DD just not with me. A DS could be just as joyful.

In a way it is easier having the opposite sex after as it feels less of a 'replacement' but there are some hard feelings of finality as well. So i sympathise terribly with their loss but to be blessed with healthy babies after should be enough...I am sad for those babies and the boys they already have..

Original poster
MsKLo · 08/01/2011 21:01

Undercova and jellybeans have made good points

A very close relative who lost a baby told me she wanted the same sex baby after her loss

I can't judge these people but find it very sad and am sad for the lost babies x

OP posts:
BuzzLightBeer · 08/01/2011 21:02

then they are partly pro-choice. Its not necessarily a choice of only two options, its a continuum.
However, you don't see the irony in saying "I'm pro-choice. Except her and her and her, and all those people"?

sickoftheholidays · 08/01/2011 21:10

I think my problem with this is though, that pro choice means she has the right to choose whether to have a baby or not. By opting for IVF she has already made that choice, and except in circumstances where the baby or mother has a medical condition which means abortion should be considered, then it should not be an option.
I just dont understand how anyone can object to gender selection by only transferring a certain sex embryo in IVF but yet can defend a womans right to perform gender selection by terminating the lives of two perfectly healthy babies.

glastocat · 08/01/2011 21:21

I'm strongly pro choice. This is a sad case though. I would defend their decision to ake that choice, but it doesn't stop me feeling heavy hearted about it. Still, hard cases make bad law.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 08/01/2011 21:49

I've yet to see anyone properly explain WHY they feel that this is "wrong".

I've already admitted to myself that having a kid is a SELFISH choice, and I've made what I feel are appropriate sacrifices to help counteract that, in terms of the environment.

How is this any different? Unless you have a faith that tells you that a blastocyst has a soul, then what this couple is doing is using the resources available to them to get what they want.

"I want a girl" isn't that much of a step away from "I want a baby" in my opinion.

raspberryroo · 08/01/2011 21:54

changed my mind -I am pro choice so no I probaly do not have the right to say except you and you - but am with Glastocat in having a heavy heart over it.

pranma · 08/01/2011 21:56

I think it is wrong to kill an unborn baby for purely social reasons-if they didnt want 'a baby' they shouldnt have got pregnant.I sympathise with their wanting a girl,of course I do,but killing a couple of unborn baby boys is imho just wrong.They could afford babies,the babies were healthy,they were not conceived through rape,there were no other mitigating circumstances.I hope their existing boys grow up loved and loving their parents and that the parents learn to be grateful for the gift of their family.Sorry-it makes me sick.

MadamDeathstare · 08/01/2011 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 08/01/2011 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishy1234 · 08/01/2011 22:01

It's extremely sad. I'm very sorry that they feel the need for a girl so badly they will go to such lengths.

Having been pregnant, I really don't think I could go through with a termination for such a reason, no1 matter how much I wanted a girl. They will bear mental scars from such a decision and I hope they can recover from it. I don't think I could.
'

mommmmyof2 · 08/01/2011 22:01

I think it understandable for them wish for a baby girl but to abort 2 baby boy twins is hard to get my head round.

Every life is a gift whether it be boy or girl and even though i do feel sorry for them for loosing their daughter I just don't personaly thinks it justifies aborting children because of their sex.

We can all say 'oh I would prefer....' but I just always thought you would love it no matter what as it or they will be your babies, your blood at the end of it all.

TheMonster · 08/01/2011 22:02

They shouldn't have been allowed to abort healthy children after having IVF, and they certainly shouldn't be allowed more IVF.

mommmmyof2 · 08/01/2011 22:04

Just told my dh and he horrified, he said the same as bodyofeeyore

BuzzLightBeer · 08/01/2011 22:05

but its not up to any of you, its only up to them.

I am 100% pro-choice. That means I a for unrestricted access to abortion with no limits of any kind. And while some parts of what that would allow people to do would make me sick to my stomach, its the only way, because any other way at all is imposing YOUR choices on other people.