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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Female teachers having sex with students

37 replies

RobF · 08/01/2011 05:21

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1344584/Dance-teacher-Ashley-Blumenshine-arrested-sex-car-student-16.html

Is this happening more frequently now or is it just being picked up on more than in the past, possibly due to facebook/texts etc leaving a trail of evidence? What motivates women to go after boys much younger than them? Trying to recapture their youth? Maybe they didn't get the "school hunk" when they were at school so now is their 2nd chance?

OP posts:

JeelyPiece · 08/01/2011 05:47

Same thing that motivates old men to go after young women every day I imagine, have you heard of this phenomenon?

Original poster

RobF · 08/01/2011 05:56

I have. But traditionally it's been the reverse for women. Has that changed? Do a lot of 20 and 30something lust after 16 year old boys?

OP posts:

AlpinePony · 08/01/2011 07:08

Have you been to a Justin Bieber concert lately?

No, seriously - I think most people understand the boundaries. I rather agree though - there are trails.

My boyfriend has commented that he'd not have reported it - he'd have been fucking delighted to have been taken aside by a sexy older teacher. And it's made me wonder, if the boys themselves are not traumatised by this - is it the parents going overboard?

I think "this sort of thing" has happened since the beginning of time and certainly at my school one of the girls finished her A-levels and promptly married the Chemistry teacher.

spidookly · 08/01/2011 07:28

The fact that teenagers and children have been sexually abused and exploited by older people in positions of authority for centuries does not make it right.

Just because a teenager doesn't understand that they're being exploited doesn't mean the person abusing them isn't using their power and experience to sexually manipulate someone young and vulnerable.

I think the fact of this bullshit myth of how boys and men are always grateful for sexual attention puts male victims of abuse in an invidious and vulnerable position with regard to reporting this kind of crime.

sakura · 08/01/2011 07:33

I think it would be more interesting to investigate why so few women do this compared to men; especially considering there are more women working with youngsters than there are men

I suspect what motivates women is exactly the same as what motivates all those men who do it, the ones that the lucrative Teen/child porn genre is marketed to
If you can crack the code as to why so many men abuse power then I think you'll be onto the reasons why women do it (albeit to a much less

Original poster

RobF · 08/01/2011 07:41

I can't imagine many 16-17 year old boys being traumatised by having sex with an attractive female teacher in their 20s. It's the 30 something women that have sex with 13 year old boys that confuse and worry me.

OP posts:

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/01/2011 10:16

Do a lot of 20 and 30something lust after 16 year old boys?

Hmm. No we don't as a rule. However, I work with young people 16-21 and some of the young men are just gorgeous. There is something lovely about young men coming into their prime, young women too of course. If somne of these lovely boys were older and not my clients I might be attracted to them...but I'm not because 1) emotionally, 16-21 year olds are not on a level with me and I have no sexual interest in people who are not on my level and 2) being younger (even leaving aside the particular vulnerabilities of my client group) means they are more vulnerable to exploitation and emotional abuse.

I have a professional and personal boundary which squashes any hint of attraction towards these young men before it appears. There will always be people who do not have that professional or personal boundary, and they should not be employed in positions of power with young people. Unfortunately that does not always transpire. The gender balance is mostly older male/younger female in these situations, but it's hardly a surprise that it is sometimes the opposite.

alemci · 08/01/2011 10:32

i don't think it is right but sometimes in schools it is easy to get emotionally involved with pupils especially if you are having a hard time teaching and you feel lonely and isolated at the school.

I have worked as a support assistant with teenagers and you do have to be professional but we have all got involved one way or another with the students. I worked with a girl alot and i really miss her.

I agree with what you are saying Eric. Also find it strange when my DD brings her boyfriend home.

victoriascrumptious · 08/01/2011 10:47

The psychology is different from woman sex offenders than man. I could write an essay but i'm too tired

sarah293 · 08/01/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FelicityParpworth · 08/01/2011 10:51

Riven - it's abuse of trust. It's about the teacher's position of authority over the child.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/01/2011 10:52

Different in the US Riven, some places it's 17 or 18. Also maybe they were having sex prior to his birthday.

I wouldn't get arrested for that but I'd sure ger fired!

Panzee · 08/01/2011 10:56

There's a South Park episode about this. A female teacher is having sex wit the very young student, but the police won't do anything because she's attractive, and they comment on how lucky he is. I think this attitude is very prevalent.

Goblinchild · 08/01/2011 10:57

My DD has many attractive male and female friends, as does my DS.
I find that I have an appreciation of a gorgeous young body, it's lovely to observe their confidence and pleasure in their own youth, and a delight in their willingness to talk to me.
That said, I'm not filled with lustful thoughts, because they are way too young, and it would be an inappropriate relationship IMO.
Student/teacher is about the balance of power as well.
I stay off threads drooling about Twilight and Justin whatsit, because it is only my opinion.

minipie · 08/01/2011 10:58

Isn't there also the issue of what it does to a teacher's authority?

I can't imagine a classroom of 16 year olds taking their teacher seriously if they knew she was sleeping with one of their mates.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/01/2011 11:02

Goblin, RPatz is early twenties I'll have you know

ValiumTinselton · 08/01/2011 11:02

perhaps it is sexist of me, but I expect women to have more sense, judgment, taste... I mean, I can't remember the last time I thought an 18 year old was attractive....

But women are attracted to confidence and experience more than men are.

AM I going to be lynched for saying that?? So rarer, and more shocking. But that's not the same as it being worse. It's not worse.

Goblinchild · 08/01/2011 11:03

I'm still old enough to be his mummy ENM!

sarah293 · 08/01/2011 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FelicityParpworth · 08/01/2011 11:18

I'm not sure actually - perhaps not a criminal offence at university (once they are over 18yrs) but I would imagine a sackable one.

Original poster

RobF · 08/01/2011 11:24

I knew a couple of male lecturers that were shagging female students when I was at university. It didn't seem to be an issue.

OP posts:

theevildead2 · 08/01/2011 11:27

a 16 year old girl can look and act physically much older that her years. I sometimes feel bad for blokes passing on the street because tbh they could easily be fooled by a girl lying about her age. (although obviously a teacher would know how old a girl was, I'm just saying from a purely physical side I could see they might be attracted)

On the other hand a 16 year old boy just seems to me like a BOY. I really can't fathom the attraction because it seems closer to the true definition of pedophilia for me. What is the attraction of a gangly spotty emotionally and sexually inept little boy.

Goblinchild · 08/01/2011 11:35

'What is the attraction of a gangly spotty emotionally and sexually inept little boy.'

Mine is neither gangly or spotty, but thank God he's still sexually inept.
From what I know, it is exactly that innocence and appreciation that appeals to women who perhaps find relationships with older men more challenging. The chance to be the experienced and confident expert.
Plus it may be flattering to be seen as incredibly desirable as you start to turn 30. Especially if you don't feel you are, in the real world.

theevildead2 · 08/01/2011 11:41

Lol goblin child

I might be having a hard time understanding because I have never been attracted to teenagers, even when I was one!

come to think of it, thank god none of my teachers fancied me!

TheCrackFox · 08/01/2011 11:46

I was thinking the same theevildead2, all the 15yr old boys at my school were completely revolting. I have no idea how a grown woman could fancy one.

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