to want to have a baby as a single woman?

[MyBrilliantCareer]

I'm single. I'm approaching 40. I can't adopt unless I'm in a relationship.

How tough is it?

Are you willing to have sex with randoms? If so should be fairly easy!

Tough tough tough and that's with 2 of us. Saying that, in your position I would have gone it alone as I always wanted children. Do you have a supportive family?

Looking after a baby is easy! They need feeding, and changing, and some cuddles!

When they get to the walking stage they need more stimulation!

I was in a relationship when I had my children but effectively brought up a 7 and 2.5 year old on my own, they are now 22 and 17. I managed it with a full time job, bringing work home.

I did not find it hard.

I think it will be very tough but very rewarding, and if you want to do it you absolutely should.

Family would be supportive if I had deliberately chosen it. My best friend is a gay male and we've talked about it, semi seriously.

Or otherwise ... don't know but I know it's not hard to get someone to sleep with you.

Why can't you adopt?

www.baaf.org.uk/info/adoption#whocan

The guidelines say you can adopt whether you are single or in a relationship.

I had a baby more or less on my own just before my 42nd birthday. I would say that it's quite challenging but absolutely worth it. If you are financially secure, I'd say go for it. If you aren't, I wouldn't. It's hard enough without worrying about money.

I found the first few months VERY tough WITH a partner. So on a practical level I would say make sure you have your support networks firmly in place.

But I think it would be do-able, if you wanted it enough and had the financial security to take the time off work etc. I do think you should plan carefully so your child has involved 'godparents' in their life as well as you - they need more than one adult role model.

There will probably be lots of people saying that a child needs a mummy and a daddy blah blah blah but I think a wanted child has the best start, however many people of whatever gender want them.

Actually, while I think of it, I found the hardest thing the loneliness of the 2am feeds and 6am starts. It can be very isolating.

MyBrilliantCareer, there are ways of having a baby as a single woman that don't involve shagging a stranger!. Please don't go down that route!

Artificial insemination at least gives your child the option of finding out who their father is later in life. Or the gay male friend sounds promising, if you made some sort of legal agreement?

Dizzeelizzee I looked into adoption too and thought it wasn't possible. I'll check it out. I've always liked the idea of adoption tbh, although my friend is quite keen to have a child with me. And we get on brilliantly - we call each other family - so it's not just one sided. He'd make an amazing dad.

Sorry I thought you were asking how hard it was to get pregnant!

I have brought up my 1yr old without a partner & although ive been knackered and not had time to put on make up & brush my hair some days its really not that bad.

People with partners cant understand how you can adapt to raise a baby alone but honestly its no harder really. If anything its better as you dont have to worry about what to cook for your partner or whether you can manage having sex etc.

Last thing you need when your a new mum is some clueless bloke blundering around!

Adoption is definitely an option for you but it can take a long time and you will need to be open to adopting an older child (not necessarily a baby). A good friend of mine is in this position, I'm advising her to seriously consider AI. She is stable and solvent and has a good support network. For you, co-parenting with your friend is an even better option. Being a truly single parent on your own is hard.

I have a good friend who went it alone after a difficult breakup and a molar pregnancy - she used a sperm donor (a good male friend she knew) and had a baby when she was 37. She now has a second child by the same donor. She has a demanding career in the NHS but has her house well in order and I have never seen her happier. If it feels right for you, go fot it (and I say this as someone who did it the traditional way...)

You can definatly adopt if your single - one of my friends just did :) The process is probably longer but you can :) Sperm donars is probably better than shagging round

NYNP the legal agreement is a good idea. Hadn't thought of that. And having godparents, not having any myself I'd not thought of that.

I think I'm scared of:

1. it being isolating
2. not being able to afford him/her (I'm on a good salary but have been rubbish with money until now so have no mortgage but will do in a year or two)
3. it being more difficult to find someone to have a relationship with.

ẁould he be involved on a day to day basis? coming over to help at night? you need to be very certain about what you expect from each other on a day by day basis.
i think i absolutley would in your situation.and it will be worth it,but potentially it could be very hard...good luck

Tbh happy to adopt an older child if need be - am better with older kids anyway.

(sorry about the random nubers btw..4 month old ds wants to play computer too apparently )

wondered what was going on!

He lives in Europe so although we see each other every 2 months as it is or so it wouldn't be every day support I'd get from him (although, who knows? Maybe I'd move there)

I think you should look seriously into adoption. I knew a woman on her own who adopted a little girl aged seven. She said it was the best thing she's ever done.
There may be a great kid out there in dire need who would give their right arm for a loving parent.

As for the financial aspect, nobody ever believes themselves to be solvent enough, mature enough, sensible enough to be a mum. Most of us turn out to be pretty good in the end though.

Adoption
Buy sperm on line
Have sperm donation from good male friend

I have friends who have done all of above. All happy and coping just fine!

So YANBU. Good luck xx

Oh, and you really need to look out for a poster on here by the name of Kewcumber who is brilliant.

Having had a baby in a marriage and one when single( bloke did a swift one) I actually didn't find it any harder alone. Having said that I do have the most amazing Mum who is always there for childcare and support.So I guess what I am saying is if you have a great support network yanbu.

not too bad afaik, do it