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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU/WWYD Facebook for kids

123 replies

Niceguy2 · 07/01/2011 16:55

OK, some time ago my son's (DS9) primary school sent out a sternly worded letter about kids having Facebook accounts and how they'd be going around checking and reporting whichever child they found with one.

I dismissed it at the time because a) my son didnt have one. & b) I hate the whole ban them philosophy anyway since I believe it often just makes things harder.

Anyway. Wind on 6 months and last night I discover that my son bless him has created his own facebook account and has been very enterprising. Some detective work and a bit of hacking by me and lo & behold him and some school friends have set themselves up. Most of them (not all) have changed their names. So my son name are a random letters. Some friends are like "Wayne Roony"

Everything looks fairly innocent and the snippets of conversations I've tracked down are all just kids chattering.

I haven't confronted him yet as I want to gather up as much info as possible. I could report the whole lot of them to the school. On the other hand, the fact he has a FB account actually doesn't bother me too much as long as I know the fact he has one, am a friend and I know the password.

To me, the secrecy is the issue. Had anything untoward have cracked off, he can't come to me for help since I wasn't supposed to know in the first place.

AIBU to ban him or AIBU not to but prefer to have it out in the open rather than in secret?

OP posts:
LadyOfTheManor · 07/01/2011 19:37

ha ha ha jungle tits :o made me chuckle.

MissyPie · 07/01/2011 19:38

I'm more like Junglefanny...lol

Apologies to the rest on this thread

puts her sensible hat on now

JingleTits · 07/01/2011 19:40

Hahahahahahaha missyPie

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 19:42

there we go Grin

JungleFanny · 07/01/2011 19:45

if I must Grin

smileyinmummy2011 · 07/01/2011 19:47

All four of my children are on facebook and three of them have laptops (two of them share) and tbh i don't see the point in banning it. Only one of dc is underage and that will soon be changed in September, i have facebook so i know that it's alot more diffucult than school and people make it seem than it actually would be for a pedofile to make an account and lure children in, because of names, info, photos etc.
But considering your son is only 9 i would be like "Erm maybe not" as there isn't particualarly much point for him to be on at that age as most of his friends are probably from school so he see's them every day, i think it would be best to hold it of for when he is in ear7 maybe?

dizzeelizzee · 07/01/2011 19:49

I think 9 is too young.

I think they should still be supervised with all internet use at that age.

LadyOfTheManor · 07/01/2011 19:51

ha ha ha jungle fanny Shock

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 19:54

omg! Thats great "JungleFanny" Grin Grin

LadyOfTheManor · 07/01/2011 19:54

well aren't you 2 the hijackers of the day?

MissyPie · 07/01/2011 19:55

and who are you Lady the JunglePolice ha ha ha

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 19:56

Oooops i was just thinking we may be sabotaging Op thread lol Sorry OP Wink

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 19:56

jungle police hehehehehe

LadyOfTheManor · 07/01/2011 19:58

Yes. I should change my name to JunglePolice.

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 19:59

That had crossed my mind Lady hehehehe

MissyPie · 07/01/2011 20:01

Ahem, as I was saying - OP, allow your children to use FB as you see fit, I dont think you'll get any better advice than whats already been posted - the best advice is the one about the passwords only being known by the parents therefore you will know at all times when you DS is logging on.

Good Luck, and let us know how you get on, afterall, it's a Jungle out there.... :)

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 20:02

Once again ditto missypie, especially the bit about the jungle! Wink

Gillybobs · 07/01/2011 20:03

Im a FB user but my kids wont be getting FB accounts until they are 13. The reason for this is that whilst you can control who they are "friends" with, you cant control their "friends' friends"

Hard to explain.....if I comment on a friends "saucy photo" for example, every one of my other friends can see my comment and the photo album Im commenting on, even if they dont know "my friend"

So even if my DS had only approved "friends" who I consider wouldnt say or publish anything inappropriate, I cant control the many hundreds or probably thousands of "friends of friends" info which would be visible to my DS

I think maybe this is a really important point that many parents havent realised.

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 20:08

I do realise this but its the same in all walks of life, my children go to the shop with friends and can hear other people talking inappropriately or swearing etc.

I think the key thing to this is teaching your child right from wrong, just because someone else does or says something it doesnt make it right for them to do it for example.

Dont you think?

WindnRain · 07/01/2011 20:10

I set up an account for my ds aged 11 to keep in touch with his friends from his old school as we moved away. Its less hassle than phoning people or writing.

ravenAK · 07/01/2011 20:13

My 6 year old's had FB for nearly a year - I log in to his account every few days to check all's well.

He uses it to keep in touch with family members & play the odd (vetted by me) game.

It's been no problem at all - & has improved his written communication no end. He's slightly dyspraxic & really struggles with handwriting, which meant he initially hated writing tasks at school; exchanging FB messages with his uncle has motivated him to become a much more confident & independent writer.

& every time there's one of these threads I point out (as my arse gets lightly toasted for slack parenting...) that any reasonably ICT-literate schoolchild could set up a FB account in 5 minutes flat, without parental permission or involvement!

I'm normally all for being supportive of schools, but on this one I'd be tempted to write back explaining that my dc's out of school internet use came under my aegis as a parent, but that they could feel free to sanction my child if they ever caught him misusing it in school.

Gillybobs · 07/01/2011 20:16

Of course, I just really dont see any need for a young child to have yet more exposure to grown up talk, does a kid who sees his friends all day at school really need FB? I personally dont think so and as for keeping in touch with people abroad etc I find email/skype does the trick

Im trying really hard to keep my kids as kids as long as possible (whilst being realistic!) and I absolutely cant think of any primary school kid I know who would be enriched by having a FB account

MissyPie · 07/01/2011 20:16

Go Raven! :)

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 20:40

Missypie, will you stop stealing my thoughts! Grin

JungleTits · 07/01/2011 20:42

When i was young, before internet Hmm i used to see my friends at school all day then get home and phone them. I can remmeber my mum being confused and shocked we still had anything to talk about lol

Remember kids dont have all day at school to talk, they are there to learn mainly