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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to control DD while I am working?

38 replies

WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:01

I work from home...DH is unemployed atm...I have to do a telephone interview and DD is satnding outside the office door screaming and growling...because she wants me.

I think DH should be able to distract her effectively whilst I earn the fricking cash! I am now Mumsnetting until she is taken away...I'm not going to instruct DH on what to do which is what I have done in the past...we hve 2 dds of 6 and 2...so he should be practiced enough right?

He KNOWS I have to phone a client...what does he think I am DOING right now??

OP posts:
truffleshuffle · 07/01/2011 11:02

YABU.
You are currently on MN and not phoning a client Wink
Why don't you just ask him to entertain her away from where you're working?

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 07/01/2011 11:03

YANBU might you may have to remind him or you'll never get it done.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:04

I KNOW truffle! I wont phone up whilst DD s yelling in earshot! I said that. I am actively protesting his crapness by refusing to intervene and help him parent!

OP posts:
Mutt · 07/01/2011 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedacoffee · 07/01/2011 11:08

Problem is that protesting by not intervening is only inconveniencing you and not him - actually letting her scream outside your door is probably not bothering him at all!

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 11:08

I am sure you are right.

But, in my crapness, I know that I used to find it really hard on occasions when my DH worked from home and I was a SAHM when the DCs were little - the fact f him being there and yet not being there to help IYSWIM. I totally acknowledge this was unreasonable but it made me think how hard that situation must be and how good ground-rules must be established

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:10

I told him about ten minutes ago! Right before I came up and he hs not thought of somethign to involve her in.

It shouldn't be hard Jamie...the housework is done and he has a million things to entertain her with...it's crap.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 11:11

It is crap. I was crap. He is crap.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:13

And as for saying how hard it is for him...imagine hw hard it is for a MOther to ignore her todddler crying.

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 11:14

Yes, he should take her out

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:18

He doesn't have t take her out...just start a craft or something...play hide and seek...whatever. It annoys me so much that he needs instruction on this kind of thing. WHY does he? Do they all get like this?

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 11:21

I don't know - is he lazy?
Not experienced/confident?
Doing it on purpose?

Mutt · 07/01/2011 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:25

The point is that he let it get to that point of no return despite my priming him first...I don't have bloody time for this. She has JUST calmed down and I am going to go for it...so annoyed.

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 11:26

YANBU to expect him to deal with it, but YABU to assume he will do it without you telling him to deal with it.. IYKWIM...

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:28

I did tell him charliesmommy....before I came into the office! I said that in my op.

OP posts:
Giftwrapped · 07/01/2011 11:30

He shouldn't need to be told to do anything. Surely if Wimple is working she needs to be left alone to get on with it, and he should be making sure that happens. There's nothing complicated about that.

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 11:36

Does this happen a lot OP? If so, you obviously are getting pretty fed up and need to sort it out.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:38

Exactly Gift! I cannot believe the amount of people on here making excuses for this!

He's a man...not a fool. He's a Father...just as I am a Mother.

To be fair he is managing now...I am waiting for the client to call me back and am too nervous to go down to get a coffee incase DD attaches herself to me again!

Jamie...it does happen a lot...I think he's struggling with looking for work and having to do most of the childcare.

OP posts:
coatgate · 07/01/2011 11:39

Men are in need of telling I am afraid. Our suitcases from a New Year trip away have been in the utility room for almost a week. I strugled upstairs with one yesterday, but this morning I gave in and asked him to take the other. He smiled, said "Of course" and did it - but WTF couldn't he have thought to do it himself???? Just tell him what he needs to do, for your own sanity.

coatgate · 07/01/2011 11:41

In my defence, I am suffering an injury at the moment and have difficulty getting up the stairs - in ordinary circumstances I am more than capable of doing the job myself Grin

charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 11:41

some men have different ideas of what we find distracting...

I work mostly from home, and if husband is here and the dog is barking.. he plays with the dog, and thinks that the dog running up and down the room for his ball is fine... while I glare at him from behind the monitor...

Onetoomanycornettos · 07/01/2011 11:44

When I am not in the house, my husband cares for the children very nicely, and they don't scream for me. At that age, children will often behave very badly and have a big old paddy if they can't get to the parent they KNOW is in that room. The only way forward is for him to physically remove her to another room and watch TV/play a game/listen to her scream. That's what I used to do when DH worked from home. But it's not as easy as when the desirable and forbidden parent is in another room, and doesn't mean he's a useless parent.

Original poster
WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 11:44

Sorry...not buying into it. People have been letting men get away with "needing to be told/managed" for too long...if this were true how would all these foolish incompetent men run multi national business's...fight wars etc. It's total rubbish!

OP posts:
Mutt · 07/01/2011 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.