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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that families would employ a male nanny?

113 replies

midori1999 · 06/01/2011 19:38

DS1 wants to work with children in some way or other. One of the thing she has considered is working in a nursery and I suggested he look into nannying too maybe. (he is nearly 15, so it's a while until he has to decide properly yet)

DH was in the room and immediately said he thought most people might think a male nanny was a bit weird and not want to employ . I disagree.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
Altheia · 06/01/2011 23:22

I am going to stick my neck out and say I would be uneasy with it, if it was a male nanny on a one to one basis, especially for a younger baby; only because I think women seem to know what to do intuitively. Their brains work differently. A bit like how men are better at numbers and maths, yet women are better with words. I can't really explain it very well, I don't think. If in a nursery - different. Other female staff around in case of difficulty with very young ones. Unfortunately, I am probably showing my age and I am also a little old fashioned. So when DH says weird - in what way? Is that trust between males and females and DH is worried DS may seem like a pervert to others, having an interest in young children, because if it is, that's so the wrong attitude and those are the people with the problem - not anyone else!

SindyW · 06/01/2011 23:23

I've employed three nannies, over a five year period. I would not have considered a male. Never. I've looked at the statistics (abuse - physical and sexual). Unfortunately, the figures speak for themselves. I am not implying that all male nannies are abusers - but didn't want to take extra risks. In fact my 4 went to playgroup and I'd have removed them if any men were employed there. Not keen on male teachers either. Not that I've ever had any trouble - just very wary. I've seen the immense damage that abuse can do.

MilkNoSugarPlease · 06/01/2011 23:28

Have several male nanny friends...all are absolutely awesome!

Seriously they are all fantastic....the world needs more male childcare workers!

And from the way you talk about him, I reckon your DS would be pretty damn good too :)

I think the discrimination towards male childcare workers is pretty shit tbh...actually no, it's fucking appalling!

QuintessentialShadows · 06/01/2011 23:32

I had a friend who was a single mum, she wanted a male nanny for her two sons.

At some point last year my sons preschool had no less than 3 male care workers. I loved that.

There was a level of testosterone about the place that had all the mums giggle like silly schoolgirls. We just cant behave.
You dont see the dad going all gaga over the female nursery assistants....

AuntiePickleBottom · 06/01/2011 23:33

why Altheia would you be uneasy with it.

he would have the quilifcation, plus crb checks ect...just like anyone else in childcare

glastocat · 06/01/2011 23:40

I would have no problems with a male nanny, in fact I'd prefer one for my son. I can't see a problem at all, and am shocked that some people would. I wish there were more male teachers too, there is only one in my sons school and everyone wants to be in his class, especially the boys. Childcare should not be a female dominated profession, and all this stuff about women being more intuitive/whatever is sexist horse shit, and makes me very cross. Angry

Altheia · 06/01/2011 23:49

AuntiePickleBottom - I think I have stated as best as I can why I would be uneasy with it - nothing to do with CRB. Qualifications are great but are pieces of paper at the end of the day. I have a law degree - doesn't mean to say that that holds tight that I am a good solicitor (I think I am but you know what I am trying to say Wink!) It's more down to female intuition - as I explained in my earlier post.

Altheia · 06/01/2011 23:51

Maternal instinct - better phrase perhaps.

mamatomany · 06/01/2011 23:59

Male staff are extremely popular from what I have seen, my children's school have actively recruited 4 male members of staff for the junior school and it's been a hugely popular move.
I would image he will do very well for himself if that's his chosen path.

LesbianMummy1 · 07/01/2011 00:02

yanbu

how ever was curious last night about twitter and had read that nannynick was on there I have never known how to use it so looked for him and he sounded amazing I was directed to his website and was even more amazed by what I read I am a childminder myself and have a huge family so never need a nanny or a babysitter but after reading his reviews I would have asked him to look after my dc's if he was anywhere near me. I am sure if your son wants to work in childcare and is dedicated like Nick he will be great and I wish him luck. (Ps Nannynick I am not some kind of weird stalker Blush I was just curious and found a thread about you being on twitter)

Vallhala · 07/01/2011 00:05

As a lone mother I would have jumped at the chance of having a male nanny for my DDs, just to give a balance of influence.

I don't see what the problem is, after all, no-one complains about male teachers.

Spenguin · 07/01/2011 03:09

I would!

I have quite a few gay male friends and would absolutely love a male, gay or not, to look after my kid.

TechnoKitten · 07/01/2011 04:22

No opinion on male nannies but agree that males in early childhood education / early childcare are sadly under represented.

I do have a very strong opinion on "maternal instinct" which my DH has in buckets - I absolutely don't think it's restricted to the female sex! Oh and I also object to the sweeping generalisation that men are better at numbers and maths while women are more literate. Some of us are definitely more numerate!

As for withdrawing kids from childcare if there were males employed - from what I remember, the last thread about abuse within the nursery involved a female employee. Perspective - use it or lose it.

Rockmaiden · 07/01/2011 04:35

I actively (and am still looking)for a male nanny.

Me and my partner are a lesbian couple with 2 male children and think it's important for our boys to have a positive male role model in their life, especailly with the lack of a father, not that they notice.

I searched and searched but have still not found anyone close enough as there is a real lack of them.

We need more men in childcare!

ninedragons · 07/01/2011 04:58

DD's nursery has three male childcare workers. They are adored by children and parents alike.

I think it's probably a generational change - those of us born in the 70s and 80s take equal parenting for granted, whereas our own fathers probably never changed a nappy in their lives. That extends to who we want to employ to look after our children.

I love that DD thinks that men look after little kids just as much as women do.

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 07/01/2011 05:58

For career path see my previous post but there are 2 options - vocational training, so the new Diploma for working with children followed by working in a nursery or finding a job as a nanny and gaining experience, or the academic route, a foundation degree or Bachelors in a related field and possibly followed by EYPS and the working in a nursey or going into nannying. Or a PGCE and going into teaching! The latter route will get him highly paid manny/tutor/governor jobs overseas and once you have those references you can get jobs anywhere Wink

And I would personally definitely consider a male nanny, especially if DC is a boy, as DH can be away for up to 4 months at a time and male influence isn't the same as female influence! Not that one of the other is better, they're just very different.

Laquitar · 07/01/2011 07:02

spenquin,
what having a few guy male friends has to do with it? Confused

Simbacatlives · 07/01/2011 07:04

My nephew has one - he calls him the manny ( which was male nannies suggestion)

gingernutlover · 07/01/2011 07:17

My dd had a male nursery nurse at her day nursery - he was fantastic and she absolutely loved him, I thought it was a very positive thing for him to be there. However, he did leave when he needed to earn more money Sad

I personally sent dd to nursery because I felt awkward about just one person looking after her for several reasons when she was tiny (i went back to work at 11 months). I have to say that rightly or wrongly, I would feel less comfortable leaving a tiny baby in sole care of anyone but particularly a man - I know that's probably very un pc of me Sad

I would however be very comfortable with a male nanny for older toddlers or preschoolers and I think they are a very good influence in primary schools too, not enough male teachers IMO.

Altheia · 07/01/2011 08:53

gingernutlover - I am the same - I wouldn't leave a tiny baby in the sole care of anyone, male or female but particularly a male. I have a DH who has the intuition of a brick and he will be the first to admit it! When I was first pregnant, I did not feel maternal at all and was always worrying that I wouldn't have any maternal instinct when the baby was born and therefore, wouldn't know what to do. I was wrong.

TecknoKitten - it's not meant to be a sweeping generalisation. We don't all fit in girl/boy boxes but there is no getting away from the fact that there are fundamental differences between a man and a woman's brain, purely down to gender. The extent of these is probably down to the size of that particular part of the brain; whilst a woman might have what could be deemed a typical female trait, another part of her brain may show she has more of a male trait in something else. Swings and roundabouts.

Although it is not something for me at a young age, I see no reason why there should not be male nursery staff - my DD goes to a 3+ nursery. A boy has pushed her - she no longer wants to go. It's all female staff there. This is an area where I do not have any concerns with male nursery staff - in fact, I wish there was one because of what has happened to DD. Might help her with a different perspective.

Now this of course is just my opinion and in answer to the OP's question, under a forum of "Am I being unreasonable" and her title "to think that families would want to employ a male nanny", the answer to the OP from me is No. Is her DH being unreasonable? Yes - it's not nice to be labelled weird because their son wants to do something that at the moment, is still mainly female dominated. People must have very short sighted views if they do think it weird. All I am saying is it's not for me but I don't think it weird if anyone else wants to employ male nannies. :)

LadyOfTheManor · 07/01/2011 08:59

I had a male nanny growing up. I was in boarding school most of the time but there was about a 4month period between moving houses, and I preferred him over the female ones.

He was Hawaiian, and so beautiful. and gay.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/01/2011 09:02

I would if I liked him...DD had only female teachers in her tiny school and when a male teaching assistant arrived we were so relieved as he offered a kind of mad energy lacking in our elderly staff...

StarExpat · 07/01/2011 09:02

Where is Nannynick?

Laquitar · 07/01/2011 09:21

So you wouldnt trust your dhs with a tiny baby?
Only women and guy males can look after babies?

Laquitar · 07/01/2011 09:29

Altheia i assume that if a man chooses to follow this career that means he loves babies/children and he is interested in their development etc? Otherwise he wouldn't study childcare.

Like any job really . If you love it and you have choosen it then you will be good at it, thats what i think