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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross with a mums comment about mental health

138 replies

ddubsgirl · 05/01/2011 17:50

a mum i am friendly with at my boys school this afternoon was chatting to me & another mum,she said she was being refered to mental health team as she may be bi polar,which is fine but it was what she said after that she hopes she is as it means more money and shes going to make sure sure she gets everything she can,she has 3 kids,partner has a few weeks ago come out of prison for drug dealing has ss on her back all the time,she was working but gave it up as its easier to claim income support,now my eldest gets DLA as he is dyspraxic,i would gladly give it up to have a healthy child,a close friend of mine has bi polar and it inst nice,she really struggles and sure as hell doesnt see it as an easy way to make money!

OP posts:
knobbingnowt · 05/01/2011 21:10

DLA is not scrapped, you can also get SDS which are self directed payments which are replacing NHS rehab and therapies. In our area you can only claim if under the CMHT.

I assess people who are not ill who want better housing/more money/drugs from the service, I don't think they have read about the cuts in the NHS Wink
its a minority but they are there, we have them in our local hospital which runs a policy on having a discharge address so when homeless people end up in it can be hard to get them out, put TBF we normal have very ill people, who need help and support.

Its a minority of my patients that are in receipt of DLA and the ones that are have either been reviewed and reduced or turned down and are appealing.

We now run a skeleton service (CMHT) and there are further cuts to come, if our commissioning PCT get there way it will be demolished Sad

There will always be people trying to get something out of nothing but it is not easy to "pretend" to have a serious mental illness.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/01/2011 21:11

What relgion are you?

animula · 05/01/2011 21:12

"Monged out" is vile. It's short for mongoloid. It's unacceptable.

Be a dear and get it deleted, you knob.

Original poster
ddubsgirl · 05/01/2011 21:14

upszlazy,i didnt think u could get debt written off,ive never heard that before?when my friend said about it i thought it was odd?

dancinginthe dark-it wasnt easy we have a place here that help parents & carers with things like dla etc its called amaze they sent someone round and helped me go through the questions,she wrote it all done then took it back to type it all up and the space they give you on the form isnt easy,half the stuff i would have never thought of as to me my son is normal but looking from the outside in,he isnt,things he does we are use to i guess,harder work than my other boys but its noting down that alot of things he doesnt isnt normal and makes his & our lives harder,i honestly didnt think we would get it,he gets it till he is 16 and after that he has to claim in his name on his own,but amaze will help him with that too.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 05/01/2011 21:15

Heroine no one is bitching at you - I find the term 'mong' highly offensive and I find you whole approach blind and illinformed

Lithium changed my sisters life - she now holds down a job (is self employed) has got married, has a step child and functions in the real world

no amount of therapy would have done this as she is ILL and needs medicine

you wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to sit and have a chat with a counsellor

you seem to have a very limited view of mental health issues and a very dismissive one

thise attitudes do nothing to actual help mentally ill people

knobbingnowt · 05/01/2011 21:17

I have only had one person had their debt written off and that was with Barclay card, they were very understanding. It was 5 years ago thou..

FabbyChic · 05/01/2011 21:17

Riven DLA is not that hard to get if you have been ill for more than three months with it you should get it.

I can help you with the claim form if you want to apply again, PM me if you wish.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/01/2011 21:23

My DN had her debt written off, she got a 15k loan and spent it in a weekend, (the same thing i did) during an 'episode' nothing to show for it, she went to court and declared bankruptsy and with a medical dispensation it was approved and she was only bankrupt for 12 months as it was medical.

Memoo · 05/01/2011 21:24

Why are people with mental health issues always such easy targets? I for one am so fucking sick of it, you have no idea how hard it is to live with an illness that is so debilitating. Sad

FabbyChic · 05/01/2011 21:27

Memoo

Totally agree.

Unless you have been there don't slag it off.

Depression is like being in a bit well, the walls are dark and closing in, no matter how hard you try to reach the top to get to see the light, you keep falling down the walls.

Or like being in the sea and drowning, keeping your head just above water on a daily basis, and sometimes feeling like you are drowning with no one to help you.

Depression is a lonely road.

It isolates you, makes you paranoid.

Destroys the person you were turning you into someone you no longer recognise.

animula · 05/01/2011 21:28

Take heart, Memoo, there are lots of us here whose lives have been touched by MH issues, and once that happens ... well, it's a whole different landscape. And there are lots of people on mn who understand, even if they haven't been directly affected. And lots of people who just listen, without prejudice.

Original poster
ddubsgirl · 05/01/2011 21:30

memoo i didnt mean to upset anyone i just felt cross with this person claiming to have a poss illness and gloating about getting debt written off and all the extra money she will get,i have known her 6 years now and chatted to another friend a little while ago who knows this lady better than i do and she has never seen her in any kind to drepressed or manic state(this mutual friends dp has a mental illness & 2 dc with adha & poss autsium)and feels she is putting it on,i really hope like others have said she wont fool anyone in the mh team,its such a shame people do this and it makes it so much harder for those who do need help.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 05/01/2011 21:31

Isn't it a bit comforting though that the wankers are often challenged on here?

I do try to get some comfort from the fact that the one or two strident 'scrounger/malingerers' shouters are out numbered by manta who, even without oersonal experience, do not buy into the daily scum headline rubbish.

pagwatch · 05/01/2011 21:34

But ddubs , people have been trying to point out that you have no evidence that she would be lying. She may be bi-polar. You have nothing to go on other than the bits she tells you and your assumptions.
And what she tells you may not be the truth of it. You know nothing really.

Memoo · 05/01/2011 21:37

I so glad for people like you who understand. It's bad enough that I spend a lot of each day consumed with guilt and self loathing without being made to feel even worse by some of the ignorant crap that had been posted by a minority on here

Original poster
ddubsgirl · 05/01/2011 21:38

no maybe not but most wouldnt be rubbing thier hands in glee at the thought of getting extra money etc,as i said i have known her a long time and never seen any signs of mh problems,nor has anyone else and having friends that have got bi polar,severe depression and other mh issues that she yes may have been depressed but not so bad she is bi polar.

OP posts:
Memoo · 05/01/2011 21:41

Pag, you are right. I do find comfort in the fact that the majority of people on here are really understanding about MH issues. I wouldn't have got through this last year without some of the amazing woman on here.

pagwatch · 05/01/2011 21:42

Just contemplate the possibility that you may be wrong would you.
When I was at my lowest my dh had no idea as I was very focussed on not showing it. I was worried people would question my care for my dcs.
You are guessing. If you are wrong and she needs help how shabby would it be that you are talking about her like this.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 05/01/2011 21:42

DDUB, your friend may be on the make, but as an aside, none of my friends know whats wrong with me, well, a few but mostly no one knows, my DHS family dont know, even though i suffer from psycosis at times i can still hold it together for a quick meet up, it drains me though, takes every ounce of strength and i feel weak and tired afterwards. But no one knows, my neighbours wont know etc.

My mental health has deteriorated so far that Im ocd, social phobic, Bipolar, had pnd, i could go on for every with symptoms and the effects they have. It effects every part of my life, so i have engineered my life to enable me to hide whats wrong with me. And the moms on the school run will be the last people in the world to find out whats wrong with me. To people who do have a vague idea of whats going on with me i may joke about the problem, about how trendy i am with my 'ishoos', all tounge in cheek. Its a defence mechanism, to hide my real feelings about it all, of confusion, shame, guilt, fear...

Not saying your friend is or isnt, but things arent always what they seem...

Mental illness is so much fun, now give me my money and my drugs.....yeah right! Angry

pagwatch · 05/01/2011 21:43

Thanks memo. That is good to know-I always hope the best of mn comes to the fore when push comes to shove

GooseFatRoasties · 05/01/2011 21:46

ddubsgirl I have had episodes of severe mental illness with 3 hospital admissions.None of the other mothers at dds school know or suspect.I appear quite normal and function well most of the time. I haven't told them.I really don't think you can tell if this woman is genuine or not tbh.

LovePinkBitsOfMyHorse · 05/01/2011 21:46

that doesn't mean she's not on the bipolar spectrum though just because her symptoms haven't caught your untrained eye does it?

I was grumbling earlier about the near impossibility of ever having my diagnosis taken away, it's a bit limiting - I'd like to have my own guns, not have DVLA medical every year and just be allowed to drive all the time, have flying lessons - but mostly just feels such a blemish that can never rid self of.

Original poster
ddubsgirl · 05/01/2011 21:47

it is really awful you have to deal with all that,a very close friend of mine went through an awful time last year,looking back its been on & off for years,i took her to the docs as she would go,nearly ended her marriage and her kids,we got her the help and the counslling she needed,she is alot better now but will never be 100% and fights everyday no to slip back into that dark place she was in.

OP posts:
Memoo · 05/01/2011 21:50

I worked in a primary school until I had dd 15 months ago. I went back there for a special assembly just before Christmas. All my old collegues were saying how well I looked an how having a new baby really suited me. They had no idea that I had spent the summer in a psych hospital desperately I'll. You can't judge a persons mental health just by looking at them or by a casual conversation. I can stand and talk to anyone, laugh and joke like the soul of the party, but then fall into a crumpled heap the minute my front door is closed

skyswept · 05/01/2011 21:52

Sorry, DLA has not been scrapped - yet. Th system as we know it is in the process of being phased out in regards to mental health. New claimants will not be accepted and current claims have been suspended or will suspended once the replacement system is announced in february 2011. The basic aim is to stop people claiming large amounts of money for long periods of time for unchecked illnesses. There has not been any public announcement of the plans to date but CMHTS in london have started making changes. I shouldn't say more than that but after the reaction from the students the government are taking the back door approach and there will be significant changes.