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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be f*cked off that DH "didn't have time" to get me a birthday present?

37 replies

LCRLCR · 05/01/2011 16:48

Especially when he had time to play golf on Monday and this is the first birthday of our married life plus am totally exhausted looking after 4 month old DD? Feeling v sorry for myself - shouldn't he have made time?

OP posts:
frgr · 05/01/2011 16:49

Put simply, and from going on the information you've posted (had time for leisure activities, disposable cash, new mum, etc) then yes YANBU at all :)

Extremelychocolatey · 05/01/2011 16:51

I never understand why grown-ups get het up about their birthday. In future choose something you like, buy and wrap it and bill DH. Then you won't end up with a crappy gift/no gift and he won't be in the doghouse.

Itsapuppet · 05/01/2011 16:51

YANBU, I would be very upset. Selfish to say the least on his part.
Happy Birthday.

Itsapuppet · 05/01/2011 16:51

YANBU, I would be very upset. Selfish to say the least on his part.
Happy Birthday.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 05/01/2011 16:52

Extremely, its not about the materialism of not having a gift, its about the lack of thought.

I think thats awful!

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 05/01/2011 16:54

Probably extremelychocolatey because presents are supposed to be symbol of someone's regard for someone else. And even if what you've got isn't exactly what you'd have chosen for yourself then at least it shows thought.

Please feel free to completely disregard everything I have just said though, on the basis that my DP bought me a hamster cage for Christmas.

singingcat · 05/01/2011 16:55

YANBU your birthday's not a surprise to him, is it? I would be really pissed off, but then I make a big deal of H's birthday

kenobi · 05/01/2011 16:56

YANBU. I don't give a monkey's about birthdays and despite that I still think your DH has been a thoughtless git.

Thelastnameleft · 05/01/2011 16:56

I got an ice cream maker for mine last year..it was my 40th!

And he didnt even wrap it!

curlymama · 05/01/2011 16:57

Did he even get you a card?

If he did, forget about it and demand his credit card.

If he didn't then you need to tell him what an insensitive twat he is, then seriously abuse his credit card.

xstitchfirstfooter · 05/01/2011 16:58

YANBU. When my XH ignored my birthdays. It was the fact he didn't acknowledge it that hurt made me feel I didn't matter. I didn't actually care materially about receiving something. Its the thought that counts and he didn't think. Please tell me he at least said happy birthday.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 05/01/2011 16:58

yanbu

it's that cliche "it's the thought that counts"

and clearly he did not think of you.

tyzer2001 · 05/01/2011 17:03

YANBU.

Assuming you are not the Queen and have only one birthday a year, he has had 365 days to get you a gift. That should be enough time even for a man.

ThisIsANiceCage · 05/01/2011 17:07

dickiedavisthunderthighs bet it's not nicer than mine Wink

diddl · 05/01/2011 17:09

Did he give a card, say happy birthday, breakfast in bed remember at all?

If so I would say YABU.

HaveAHappyNewJung · 05/01/2011 17:11

YANBU, could've at least got you a box of chocolates couldn't he?

LisasCat · 05/01/2011 17:13

dickiedavis that's an awesome present (assuming you have or will be getting a hamster to go in it.... otherwise it's mildly odd)

doggiesayswoof · 05/01/2011 17:13

YANBU

I would be really fucked off. "I didn't have time" = such a lame excuse.

DH and I set ourselves a spending limit at bdays because we are skint. But you still need to get something. Getting you nothing at all speaks volumes imo.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 05/01/2011 17:13

ThisIsANiceCage yours is merely nice. Mine is SPECTACULAR*.

*But also not a Benefit gift set or my favourite perfume.

herbietea · 05/01/2011 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Quenelle · 05/01/2011 17:16

YANBU. Of course he had time. It's been a year since your last one.

tinkertitonk · 05/01/2011 17:17

He screwed up, but don't make a federal case out of it. If this is year 1 there will be worse infractions, eg being rude to your mother. Save your righteous indignation for those.

Aims80 · 05/01/2011 17:17

I'd be pretty devastated to be honest.

However, one year my Dad forgot my Mum's birthday (and we were too little to realise at the time) - he was just shit rather than knowing it was her birthday and not finding the time.

Is your husband just making an excuse because he forgot? Not sure which is worse though..

Original poster
LCRLCR · 05/01/2011 17:19

He knew it was coming up because at the weekend I asked if we'd be going out, would we need to arrange a babysitter (we haven't been out just the two of us yet since DD was born in August). We're going to the cinema tomorrow night. He said then he hadn't gotten me anything and I said well there was still time but he played golf on Monday (and there's always the internet).

It isn't about aquiring a "thing", it's about not feeling special one bit. I love birthdays, both my own and other people's. He didn't remember this morning until he called at 10ish from work. I have spent the day in tears and don't know if I'm being childish or AIBU. He's due home soon, maybe he'll come up with the goods but I doubt it...

OP posts:
oftenpurple · 05/01/2011 17:21

I avoid any hurt or upset by strongly suggesting what I would like for my birthday from DH. DH then takes the DC out to buy a small gift for me. Exactly as I do for him.

There is always time to do this especially as there's a whole year in between birthdays.

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