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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my HR woman is a stupid insensitive cow?

49 replies

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/01/2011 16:35

Unfortunatley I found out on thursday that I am having a miscarriage, I had to rush out of work because I started bleeding and went straight to my antenatal unit.

Things have obviously been very very difficult so I managed to phone this afternoon (haven't been able to get out of bed with pain/ sobbing) and let HR lady know what was going on, they don't allow partner to phone unless you are in hospital..

So I spoke to her saying I'm not sure how long it will take for me to come back in, to which she replied
...
'oh. Well. that's actually a bit inconvienient. Are you sure you can't just pop in?'

Angry

do you know what? it's actually a bit inconvienient for me to be losing my baby. I can't fucking pop in because I am in alot of pain and I'm fucking bleeding.

I think she's a stupid insensitive cow with shit for brains who couldn't be tactful if her life depended on it

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 04/01/2011 16:37

very insensitive, and I would have a word with your manager, or her superior

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 16:37

I agree she is an insensitive cow. I'm so sorry for your loss.

The only thing I would queary is why you let it go five days without telling them what happened...I mean couldn't you have rang from your bed when you felt up to talking?

Pinkjenny · 04/01/2011 16:38

YANBU. And I am a HR woman.

Notalone · 04/01/2011 16:38

I am so sorry you have lost your baby and and Shock at this stupid stupid woman. When you are feeling more up to it put in a complaint if you are strong enough. I used to work for a major bank and a woman there had breast cancer. After going through grueling chemo an HR person called and told her if she had one more absence she would lose her bonus and face disciplinary action. Truly disgusting. Try to forget about this for now if you can but once you are up and about I would definitely say something

NadiaWadia · 04/01/2011 16:39

YANBU. Stupid cow. Does she actually know what a miscarriage is?

What did you say to her?

bonnymiffy · 04/01/2011 16:39

YANBU. I would seriously consider putting in a complaint about her, that is WAY out of order.
I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage, I hope that you have plenty of friends and family who can support you through this awful time, and there are support boards on here as well.

Original poster
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/01/2011 16:39

HR were closed Friday-Monday so it was the earliest I could speak to Them. Sad

OP posts:
mutznutz · 04/01/2011 16:41

Oh of course, I was forgetting about the holiday Sad

I really would complain if I were you

Original poster
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 04/01/2011 16:41

I just said 'there's not much I can do about that' and hung up- I wish I'd been brave enough to say what I was really thinking tbh

OP posts:
AbsofCroissant · 04/01/2011 16:41

Wow. That woman is a moron and I would look into making a formal complaint to her line manager. Maybe some sensitivity training is required.

charliesmommy · 04/01/2011 16:41

Saying they "dont allow partner to phone" is also a bit shite.. and individual circumstances should be taken into account.

Unless you actually work in the HR department, shouldnt it be your own line manager who you speak to, who will pass absence details over to the HR/Payroll dept.

Its been a couple of years since I was a HR and Payroll manager, but I would have not been happy if one of my staff had spoken to you in that way.

Caboodle · 04/01/2011 16:58

What a cow, complain when you feel up to it. I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your baby.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 04/01/2011 17:01

YANBU. i am so sorry for your loss an dthat you have been treated like this. pleas complain about her. she shlould surely know when a bit of tact is needed.

christmaswishes · 04/01/2011 17:01

Yep she is very insensitive - hope it doesn't happen to her . Xx

humanoctopus · 04/01/2011 17:04

I am so sorry that you are losing your baby.

I have been there, and it can be so heartbreaking, incredibly painful and so devastating.

This HR arse just probably doesn't know what she is dealing with.

Try not to focus your emotions on her.

You'll need your energy for you.

Take care.

diddl · 04/01/2011 17:05

Oh that is bloody awful.

You should complain imo.

And what crap about partner not phoning-surely they can´t enforce that?

gordyslovesheep · 04/01/2011 17:06

I am sorry and you ANBU at all x

My line manager reported me to occupational health for 'menstral problems' after I had 3 mc's in 6mths x

Adversecamber · 04/01/2011 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 04/01/2011 17:11

YANBU. Take care and when you feel able, make a complaint.

nickelbabyjesus · 04/01/2011 17:12

i think that enforcing your partner not to be allowed to phone is crap too - so if you've lost your voice, you still have to phone yourself?
it's appalling - especially when you've been so distressed that talking about it would make it worse, they should have allowances for that.

I want karma to bite your HR woman on the arse.

Angry for you.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 04/01/2011 17:45

I'm very sorry for your loss.

YANBU she was a insensitive cow and I agree to making a complaint.

Take care.

storminabuttercup · 04/01/2011 17:51

I am so sorry for your loss

HR lady is a complete idiot.

when you feel up to it you should complain.

take care

theevildead2 · 04/01/2011 17:54

I'm so sorry :(

Did she actually get why you were calling in? Had you had already told her why you were not in work, or were you in the process of saying you wouldn't be in

If she knew, I really think you should complain, and while you are still really pissed off.

I was bleeding and cramping and the nurse told me "if it makes you feel any better there isn't anything you can do if you are, so you might as well not worry about it!". Hmm

Some people are just twats

theevildead2 · 04/01/2011 17:56

"if it makes you feel any better there isn't anything you can do if you are miscarrying, so you might as well not worry about it!".

that should say

GetOrfMoiLand · 04/01/2011 17:57

I am so sorry.

What a wanker she is. Perhaps it is the last thing you need, but i would say to make a formal complaint about the bitch.

How heartless can you get. Inconvenient. Bloody hell.