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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can married men have a fremale platonic friend?

94 replies

GabbyLoggon · 04/01/2011 14:13

Or married women a platonic male buddy?
this was discussed recently on radio.

A man said "sex is the drivingforce which keeps us going"

A woman said " No, MONEY is the real driving force"

Well, without any sexual contact the human race would die out.

If money vanished, we would find another way of keeping society going. (I presume)

Platonic relationships between committed
men or women
Its not going to be easy; but it can be done between an honest couple...But on occasions sex will make honest men dishonest.
( women too?)

MONEY? well its sort of one of the last taboo subjects...the super rich, Cameron says
"I am comfortable" He dare not be open and honest...the insiders say he has £30m....would 5m be less comfortable? What about £60 a week to live on?

ETON college needs to teach their students
candour and honesty...no weasel words.

I must take that picture of Cheryl off my
study wall...Platonic? Why I, bonny lass.

OP posts:
SalvadorDalek · 04/01/2011 14:48

yes

Lonnie · 04/01/2011 14:50

yes

cestlavie · 04/01/2011 14:51

I'm a guy, and I do, so yes.

yama · 04/01/2011 14:51

I have male friends. Not as many as I did in my younger days granted.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 04/01/2011 14:52

Yes

Not sure of the David Cameron wealth comment. What does that have to do with platonic friends?

TrillianAstra · 04/01/2011 14:53

Bonkers.

But in response to the title, yes.

TrillianAstra · 04/01/2011 14:53

Sex does not make honest people (men or women) dishonest.

LBsmumblingxmascarols · 04/01/2011 14:55

Yes

LaWeaselMys · 04/01/2011 14:55

Yes.

noddyholder · 04/01/2011 14:56

Yes

SalvadorDalek · 04/01/2011 14:57

My female friends have to be sardonic because I am fat and ugly and I couldnt get a shag if I tried

curlymama · 04/01/2011 14:57

Some people can, but I also believe that some people can't. And it depends how close that friendship is supposed to be.

I don't think I would be able to be as close to another man as I am to my girlfriends without some kind of sexual feelings coming into it somewhere, but I do have lots of men that I consider to be friends.

Besom · 04/01/2011 14:58

Yes, my dh has one.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 04/01/2011 15:09

It is possible to quite want to fuck somebody and to not actually try to do so.

victoriascrumptious · 04/01/2011 15:10

I think it's dodgy and dangerous.

sarah293 · 04/01/2011 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 04/01/2011 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 04/01/2011 15:13

Riven don't be daft! That is a huge generalisation and if true then we would all be having passes made at us all the time as most men and women have friends of the opposite sex!

curlymama · 04/01/2011 15:15

TCNY - yes but if you want to do it enough, isn't that already damaging to a marriage even if you don't do anything?

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 04/01/2011 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KalokiMallow · 04/01/2011 15:19

Yes, of course they can. As can single men, and women and married women, and polyamorous people.. etc etc.

hellymelly · 04/01/2011 15:21

My DH had mainly female friends at school,and he is still friendly with all of them.he also chats to my friends and I would have no issues with him going out for a drink or whatever with a female friend.Perhaps because I also have male friends,and DH and I both have an opposite sex sibling who we are close to,and are used to that relationship.

curlymama · 04/01/2011 15:26

You don't think it would be damaging for you to spend time and have a close friendship with someone you were sexually attracted to? Hmm

I'd be devestated if one of my male platonic friends became someone that I ended up wanting to have sex with, and I'd be devestated if my DH felt that way about one of his female friends.

babeinthewood · 04/01/2011 15:26

I agree with curlymama in that the thought is damaging even if you dont do anything, as long as that thought is serious.

Im a christian, and the way we are taught is that adultery starts with the first thought. And its true when you first have that serious thought about sleeping or doing something with someone else, the betrayal begins as your mind will then subconsciously seek out that person.

I've done this myself, I had a friend who was younger than me and going through some issues so I was a shoulder to cry on for him, and being unhappy at home as I was at the time, the inevitable happened. fortunately I confessed all and Hubby and I are fine now, and lot happier - but I wouldnt recommend it!

I have lots of male friends, I went out for a friends birthday recently and spent most of my time talking to the men, I get on better with them, the only reason I have more female friends these days is because Im a mother :)

Jux · 04/01/2011 15:29

Of course they can.

I have male friends.
DH has female friends.

Always have, and always will. No hanky panky, nothing 'dogy and dangerous'. Purely platonic.