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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband Has been Sectioned under the mental health act.... help

103 replies

simplyexcellent · 02/01/2011 22:30

My husband and I are separated, long story but he has now been sectioned under the mental health act, he has been in a psychiatric unit for over 2 months involuntary. He wants to see our children ages between 2 and 7. I am happy for contact but I do not know what is wrong with him, what medication he is on etc..... He will not allow the Drs' to speak to me and under the data protection etc they are not allowed to without his consent. I have also said that it should be in a contact centre one to one with notes taken. He has attempted suicide twice and I just don't know what to do, no one seems to want to help me. What are your views??? Am I being unreasonable for now allowing contact until I get some medical disclosure? Has anyone else any experience of this.... I am at a loss as what to do. :(

OP posts:
BigHairyGruffalo · 02/01/2011 22:33

YANBU. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. However, I agree that you should deny contact until you have more details.

MakemineaGandT · 02/01/2011 22:33

where is he now? Presumably in a hospital? I don't see how he could have contact at the moment.

joydivisionovengloves · 02/01/2011 22:35

Oh poor you, that sounds awful. You sound very sensible and reasonable though and I think not allowing unsupervised access until you have a clearer picture is the best idea. I hope it all works out for you.

SugarMousePink · 02/01/2011 22:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 02/01/2011 22:35

No, you are not being unreasonable, dps dad has been sectioned more times than I can remember, he Literally does not know what he is doing when he is manic, the changes in behaviour are very scary, he once smashed a huge mirror over dps, he has attacked doctors and has chased police down the street naked.

I know everybody is different but I would err on the side of caution, the safety of your children comes first, and if he won't let you se his notes, sadly you will have to take a hard line.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:35

Sorry to hear about this simplyexcellent

Do you know what Section he is under (it will probably be section 2 or section 3)?

Who told you about him being sectioned? Could you liaise with that person about it, particularly as it has such a bearing on his relationship/contact with the children.

I think you may need to get legal advice.

While he is actually in the hospital there should be a policy on children visiting. For example if the patient is well enough, and not a risk to visitors including children then a private/family room should be made available for scheduled visits. i.e. the children should not visit on an open ward as there is a small risk it would be upsetting for them to see more disturbed patients and there is a small risk to them in terms of unpredictable behaviour from other patients.

The ward manager may not be able to disclose information re your husband's care, but will be able to listen to your concerns and give general advice.

Are you legally separated? If not then you may be his nearest relative in terms of the Mental Health Act.

QueenSconetta · 02/01/2011 22:36

No experience, but I think YANBU. You have to be able to make an informed decision about any effect seeing him might have on your DCs.

Perhaps you can get some intermediary to explain to him that you are not ruling out him seeing the DCs, but you can't let that happen until you have enough information about what's going on to be able to decide if it is appropriate for them (for want of a better phrase).

I agree that it would presumably need to be supervised.

Hope someone with something more helpful comes along, x.

shirazgirl · 02/01/2011 22:37

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usernamechanged345 · 02/01/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

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charliesmommy · 02/01/2011 22:37

Would his family not be able to help? Do you have contact with his parents or siblings?

jpg · 02/01/2011 22:37

No no no don't let him - you need to know more about his mental state and if your xh won't agree to his drs speaking to you then don't put the dcs in danger - think of all those kids killed by bitter exes

Original poster
simplyexcellent · 02/01/2011 22:37

Yes he is still in hospital.... getting his 3 meals a day and snacks plays pool, cards watches tv and has chats with the nurses. While I am running the house, caring for the children, working and running the family business but I am unreasonable.... sorry to vent my anger!!!

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:38

Also be aware that even under section he will have access to telephone and/or internet, letter writing materials. Is he likely to try and telephone the children?

There is also a chance that he may be given leave, particularly if he is on a section 2 for assessment and if his condition improves significantly. He may only be sectioned for a matter of days, and if the responsible psychiatrist feels he can go home/on leave then he may be out sooner that you realise.

pippibluestocking · 02/01/2011 22:39

I would most certainly let the hospital know that he wishes to see the children. They will be able to advise you on whether this would be advisable based on their assessment of his condition without breaching his confidentiality. However, when it comes to child protection issues, the safety of the child is paramount and confidentiality can be overridden if failure to do so would put a child at risk

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:41

jpg I am not sure that your post was very helpful. "all those kids killed by bitter exes" I think that was unnecessary and sensationalist.

OP you must be exhausted, and it must be so frustrating to not even be able to get basic information.

You could write a brief letter to his consultant outlining your concerns like you did in your op and see if you get a response.

are you having direct contact with your husband?

curlymama · 02/01/2011 22:42

YANBU. He is only thinking of himself, and if he wanted to see his children that badly or was in a position where seeing them would be good for them, he would not be so reluctant to disclose the things you need to know because he would be able to rationalise your need and theirs.

pippibluestocking · 02/01/2011 22:42

Wouldn't be on a section 2, Lolly, if he had detained for 2 months. I'm guessing it's a 3.

mathanxiety · 02/01/2011 22:42

No info, no contact. You have to take care of the children first here, and you really can't send them to visit with no information to prep them with and no info for them afterwards if they have questions, which they will. Your ex will talk with them and they will notice details of the environment he is in -- they will find it distressing if no-one can answer their questions.

YANBU

My exH wouldn't allow the doctors to give me any info, and would tell me nothing himself either; I actually didn't even tell the DCs he was in the psych ward (although he checked himself in and stayed for only a few days). I felt they didn't need to know in the circumstances -- I told them he was having a checkup in the hosptital and this was believable as he had had cancer surgery.

I thought having them visit without information for me would have come between me and them and would have reduced the amount of confidence they had in me as a mother. I felt very strongly that they needed to have the confidence that at least one parent was in charge and aware of what was going on after their father's erratic and strange behaviour up to his hospitalisation, more than he needed to see them and more than they needed to see him.

CarGirl · 02/01/2011 22:42

For me my issue would be where is the contact going to take place, is he allowed to leave the place? They are not pleasant IME, random people striking up conversations with you etc?

ReindeerBollocks · 02/01/2011 22:43

The only experience I have is brief, fleeting and far too old to be of any use. My aunt has severe MH and her son was allowed supervised visits to see her.

I would tell your DH that you are refusing contact until you have a clearer picture if what is going on. He does have rights to see them, but he doesn't want to upset/worry them in the process does he?

Try supporting him as a friend too, (you didn't say if you did or didn't to be fair), but it sounds like he could do with a friend, and then contact may be easier to establish from there.

Also it would matter to me the age and suitability of the children who are visiting dad in a hospital - some units can be very distressing and not suitable for children to visit (some are well equipped for dealing with children also) but it may be something else you could check if you decide they can visit.

miniwedge · 02/01/2011 22:43

He is in hospital because he is I'll, he's not on a jolly.

I'm sorry you're finding things hard and I think you need to put the kids first in this, ie have more info to hand before contact starts.

JPG - how do you think the children would be in danger in a supervised hospital setting then? Fuck me, talk about over dramatisation.

dearprudence · 02/01/2011 22:43

I think you need to know what's wrong with him first - so you can see how that condition manifests itself in behaviour. Would he let you visit him alone? (difficult for you, I realise).

If he's been in hospital 2 months it may be that his illness is reasonably well controlled. My Dad has been hospitalised with mental illness twice. My DS and nephews were all taken to vist, and he usually came out to the hospital cafe or out into the grounds. Again, you'd need to know if your husband is able to do this.

A psych. ward can be a frightening or intimidating place for children, but it really depends on who the other patients are at the time, and the general atmosphere of the place - again, you need to be sure what that's like before you take your children in.

Without any of this knowledge, I wouldn't take children myself. Good luck with it - tough problem for you.

GooseFatRoasties · 02/01/2011 22:44

YANBU if he is not prepared to let you see his notes.You need to know what risks there may be. Mental illness doesn't automatically mean someone is likely to be violent but if he won't communicate with you how are you to know.

ReindeerBollocks · 02/01/2011 22:44

Not suitability of the children, I meant the mentality, how well would they cope seeing their father in a secure unit?

Original poster
simplyexcellent · 02/01/2011 22:45

He is on a section 3, the hospital say ?that there are no current risks to his children identified from him?. And that it would not be in his best interest for him to disclose medical evidence to me....... I think it is too vague and a contradiction. We have been separated since mid Sept, there is a non molestation order in place. Am I still his nearest relative, does anyone know??? He is very unpredictable and told me 2 weeks ago that he was going to die. I have already spent £4k in legal fees and got no where.
Thanks for all your kind responses x

OP posts: