Hi, your post reminds me of some of the things I went through with my exh. He was diagnosed as having an adjustment disorder by a private psychiatrist, I think there is a lot more to it. He was doing the crazy stuff you describe like the wanting to control from afar, the phone calls etc, without the suicide attempts.
I used to think the same was as you also about bending over backwards to keep kids in his life, and trying to make things better.
I was too soft to get orders as you did and I was ignorant really that I needed them, those things are great when it comes to family court.
I survived that. I survived self representing in court and I was not in a good positionas exh presented as very sane to cafcass. I presented as you do on this thread as angry and bitter, which is perfectly normal when it is ongoing for year and your kids are being hurt.
I think you need to go and get therapy and it should be done asap, please don't take this as a bad thing. If you have lived with an abusive man with a personality disorder and you are behaving as you are, then you have a distorted view of his entitlement, and probably a low self esteem for yours and your children's entitlement. You will also be vounerable to other people taking over his role. You need after all that abuse to fix you, to keep your kids and you safe. Personality disorders are not easy to cure unless borderline personality disorder from what I understand. This will be a life long problem that courts/police/friends/family can't protect you from long term. There will come a time when your ex will be released, he will function well enough, he will learn ways around court orders and continue in lots of ways as you are the mother of his kids. You need to make yourself strong now, these people don't always go away. The best way to beat them is to have nothing to do with them and to become strong through therapy yourself.
If you want advice on self representing pm me x