Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Husband Has been Sectioned under the mental health act.... help

103 replies

simplyexcellent · 02/01/2011 22:30

My husband and I are separated, long story but he has now been sectioned under the mental health act, he has been in a psychiatric unit for over 2 months involuntary. He wants to see our children ages between 2 and 7. I am happy for contact but I do not know what is wrong with him, what medication he is on etc..... He will not allow the Drs' to speak to me and under the data protection etc they are not allowed to without his consent. I have also said that it should be in a contact centre one to one with notes taken. He has attempted suicide twice and I just don't know what to do, no one seems to want to help me. What are your views??? Am I being unreasonable for now allowing contact until I get some medical disclosure? Has anyone else any experience of this.... I am at a loss as what to do. :(

OP posts:

sleepingsowell · 02/01/2011 22:46

He will be on a section 3 by now as the sec 2 is I believe for up to 28 days. Section 3 for up to six months and renewable.

I agree with speaking to agencies like MIND, or RETHINK, for advice.

I would personally also have an appt with a solicitor to start discussing what the options are for contact and what your position is.

I wouldn't send my child for contact with his dad unless I knew the situation was going to be a positive one for them.

His unwillingness to disclose anything or to let his dr discuss the situation with you does make it difficult for you to judge on behalf of your kids; is this behaviour that is unusual or has your contact up to now been on the acrimonious side? If it's out of character for him then I would imagine you can expect more reasonable ideas from him as he recovers.

If it's not out of character then stick to your guns, get in touch with local MIND (RETHINK often do carer's groups IIRC, I'd try to tap into those; you're not CARING for your ex as such but you are closely tied with him and they should welcome you) - and get legal advice.

HTH.

porcamiseria · 02/01/2011 22:46

how very sad

i also agree whilst doctors cannot disclose info they can certainally advise you if they think its advisable for him to see kids

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:46

pippi yes you are right, I misread the op. I initially read that he had been voluntary for 2 months and now sectioned, but I realise I got it wrong, and it clearly says involuntary for 2 months. Thanks for clarifying. :)

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 02/01/2011 22:46

I would be tempted to ask his doctors and nurses to cmplete a risk assessment on your DH seeing your children. Its their duty to make sure the children are safe.

altinkum · 02/01/2011 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missismonky · 02/01/2011 22:47

Is this contact ordered by a court or a voluntary arrangement? I wouldn't agree to it without a lot more information. It is probably worth getting some legal advice at this point. Sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

mathanxiety · 02/01/2011 22:47

I don't think it's the physical danger. Everything is nailed down in a psych ward; even the lightbulbs are covered over with chicken wire or something like that so no-one can get their hands on broken glass.

It's more the emotional impact, which can be enormous.

missismonky · 02/01/2011 22:48

X post with OP

mathanxiety · 02/01/2011 22:49

The doctors will not assume responsibility by giving you any indication about the advisability of having the DCs see their father. They will be looking over their shoulders at liability issues here, and also no-one can predict how a visit will go, for either the patient or for the visitors. Do not expect anything but hemming and hawing from the doctors. They will put the ball right back in your court.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:50

It is difficult to try and advise on the internet, but if he is still needing to be detained on a section 3 after being in hosoital for 2 months or more, then this would suggest that his mental state is still not particularly settled (for whatever reason)

OP does he have family? Are you in contact with them, if so would one of them be prepared to disclose information about his diagnosis etc?

mangle · 02/01/2011 22:50

You can't allow him contact until you know more about his condition. Also if he is sectioned then its not suitable for the children to attend the unit. (even if he doesnt present a risk to the children, others might). Can you try to talk to a relative or a friend of his? Alternatively speak to a nurse or dr and explain you understand they can't give you any info without his consent, but can they explain to him that without knowing his condition, it would be very wrong of you to agree to contact. If you feel out of your depth and the above ideas don't help, contact a solicitor on the childrens panel or even call social services who occasionally can surprise you and actually help. - I worked as a solicitor before kids so social services suggestion isn't as barmy as it sounds. X

sleepingsowell · 02/01/2011 22:50

mathanxiety you are not describing the acute MH wards I've worked on over many years. I think that gives a skewed picture of a ward to the OP.

Littlefish · 02/01/2011 22:51

I visited my mother on a psych ward several times as a child. I saw some very disturbing things there. However, this was 30 years ago, so hopefully things have moved on considerably since then.

I agree with contacting MIND for their advice and support.

ReindeerBollocks · 02/01/2011 22:52

With regards to the non mol order do the courts know about the current situation? they may not enforce an order when such massive changes to the circumstances have happened.

I agree with Mathanxiety and it could be emotional for your children, so their needs do come first (the court will probably support their view unless dad can provide a safe place to visit and assure them that it will not upset the children).

It must be hard dealing with this all on your own, MIND are a well known mental health charity which are fabulous for families and we used to make a lot of referrals to them,

CarGirl · 02/01/2011 22:53

you have a non-molestation order, okay I'm really leaning to the get legal advice and quick!

I would stop discussing it with him and only write, ultimately he would have to take you to court to get contact......

Obviously someone needs to go and visit him and make a judgement and it clearly can't be you under the circumstances!

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 02/01/2011 22:54

If he won't let you have enough information to be able to prepare the children and discuss their questions afterwards, then I can't see that it would be in the best interests of the children to visit him at the moment.

pippibluestocking · 02/01/2011 22:54

In most MHUs it is standard practice to make a referral to Childrens Social services if an inpatient has children under the age of 18 - do you know if this has been done, op, or is there a SW already involved? Either way, they should be involved in any decision for ex to see the children, and they will have full knowledge of his current condition and the risk assessment when considering this.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:55

mathanxiety everything is not nailed down in a psychiatric unit. (possibly it is in a secure unit, but not a standard NHS ward). There are some safety precautions, obviously, such as no hooks on backs of doors, no shower rails and often no glass/crockery.

However there is plenty of "normal" stuff that isn't nailed down. Even if all turns out to be fine with the op's h, and it is fine for the dcs to visit, it would normally be in a family room/separate room and not on the actual ward.

Due to the nature of the other clients there would always be a risk of the children becoming distressed (or even at risk of aggression) from other patients, regardless of how settled their father is.

Original poster

simplyexcellent · 02/01/2011 22:55

Yes it is the emotional side I am worried about. I don't want my DC damaged. Example, my ex attempted suicide outside the hosp prior to being sectioned for the 2nd time and after slashing his wrists he was calling our 7year old son... what was he going to say to him. FYI I have a non molestation order, PSO and occupation order. The last 10 years for me have been hell, he has controlled and manipulated me for years, on a regular basis I was called a F"£$ing C&*T. The reason I left him was I found out he had been using cocaine and prostitutes for years as well as seeing one of my friends behind my back. All I ever tried to be was a good mum and a good wife.

OP posts:

AnyoneforTurps · 02/01/2011 22:56

jpg your views are ignorant and unhelpful. Most patients with mental illness pose a risk to no one but themselves. Most family annihilators have not been diagnosed with a mental illness.

It's bad enough coping with a serious mental illness without ignorant numpties assuming that you are a potential mass murderer.

I think the OP is perfectly reasonable to want more information - it could be frightening for her DC to have contact with their father if he is currently unwell. But it is unlikely that he is any physical threat to them.

GooseFatRoasties · 02/01/2011 22:57

A non molestation order? It sounds like there are problems other than his illness.You know his character better than the doctors do, even if you don't know his diagnosis.If you feel like unsupervised access would be damaging fight it.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 22:59

simplyexcellent you have had a really tough time. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing in ensuring the children do not visit until the situation is clearer.

Your h is refusing to give you the information you need; ultimately this is preventing him from seeing his dcs. Imo it is either his mental health which is causing his refusal, or it is his general behaviour towards you (i.e. his history of controlling and manipulation). Either way, it doesn't sound a great situation for your dcs to be in.

Hope you get the answers you need.

Original poster

simplyexcellent · 02/01/2011 23:01

I have been told that he has a personality disorder and also that he is paranoid schizophrenia. I have a court date for next thur so I expect the judge will make a decision for us, I just wanted some mums who aren't linked to the situation for their views and it would seem that 95% of you think that I am not being unreasonable.... thank you all for your kind responses.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 23:02

Best wishes to you and your family simplyexcellent. Please update us (if you feel able) when you have more news.

GooseFatRoasties · 02/01/2011 23:02

Just read your other post OP. This man is abusive.The psychiatrists don't know him personally and can only go on what he says. He is probably manipulating them too.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5