Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Not to teach my three year old to read?

120 replies

Georgimama · 02/01/2011 13:19

DS is 3.9. My mother is obsessed by the idea that he needs to start reading before he starts school. She thinks if he cannot read before he starts school he will be the only one and will be "left behind". As he is going into a school with classes of 8 I doubt this is likely.

I think trying to teach a 3.9 year old to read is probably pointless as unlikely to be fruitful, and is completely unnecessary. He seems fairly bright to me (has an excellent vocabulary, is able to piece together cause and effect of things he observes i.e some time ago I told him what a contrail is, the other day he looked up in the sky and said "look mummy a contrail, there must be a plane") and not in need of any pushing.

Am I deluding myself? Does everyone else break out the jolly phonics at birth? Am I dooming him to failure before he has even started?

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 02/01/2011 13:19

seems abit too young to me unless he is really keen. I wouldn't bother. Maybe your mum is thinking back to when she started school. Dc would have been older then and presumably most had been taught a bit at home first

Mummy2Bookie · 02/01/2011 13:22

He's young. He will learn himself in his own time.

bubbleymummy · 02/01/2011 13:32

If he is interested then let him learn. Do you read books with him? Does he know the alphabet and what sounds the letters make?

Greenkit · 02/01/2011 13:35

My DD was very fast at everything to do with learning, she started play group/nursery a head of the game. After a while it all evened out and kids who were slightly behind caught up.

Funnily enough she is dyslexic

I wouldn't overly worry

Caboodle · 02/01/2011 13:38

YANBU and it sounds like you are doing a fab job keeping him interested and engaged anyway. We didn't bother with any letter sounds etc before school and as DC1 is Sept born he is oldest in class, didn't make a jot of difference he hadn't learned to read. They started in Oct and he is doing just fine.

usualsuspect · 02/01/2011 13:39

I never taught any of mine to read before they started school ..they can all read now

MsFC · 02/01/2011 13:39

I have never taught DS to read - I left it ll to school. Obviously I did homework and did the guided reading he was sent home with, but I did no more than that.

DS is now in Yr 3 and has read the first four books of the Harry Potter series unaided.

So I wouldn't worry too much, I think it's sometimes best to wait until they are ready.

charlieliz · 02/01/2011 13:41

I had 2 children in my class who could read when they started reception -none of the rest had any idea -and one of the 'readers' had clearly just been pushed and pushed by Mum and could only 'read' the books she had had foisted onto her at home and could not recognise any of the words out of context. We do not expect children coming into Reception to be able to read. If your son is interested in books thats great - and you could be introducing letter sounds as you are out and about, but dont worry either way - the range of ability and interest in a reception class is huge and we are equipped to deal with that -plus you dont want to turn him off by pushing too hard too early.

Original poster

Georgimama · 02/01/2011 13:42

Thanks for the replies. He loves to look at books together, I read him five or six little stories at bedtime and he loves to pretend to read and write. Of course I will fully support the school with reading and spelling etc when he does start.

OP posts:

bees474 · 02/01/2011 13:46

reading together and enjoying the stories is the most important thing
what's the point of learning the phonics before you learn to love stories and finding out?

TheVisitor · 02/01/2011 13:47

I did teach DS1, but only because he insisted! I didn't teach the triplets.

bubbleymummy · 02/01/2011 13:50

I dint understand why people actively avoid teaching their children letters/numbers etc before school. For us, we just treated the same as everything else. You may be surprised by how much he knows already from you reading to him. Some children pick it up very quickly I really don't see why people avoid teaching their children things. I don't agree with forcing them before they are ready but reading is enjoyable and if you avoid it and treat it like work then they are missing out

bubbleymummy · 02/01/2011 13:50

Don't

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 13:54

Mine were all taught to read before they started reception, but it depends on the school they are heading for, I assume you've decided that and looked around it, got a good feel for it ? The first school we attended DD1 sat and played for 7 months whilst the other kids caught her up, with DD2 I did a lot less with her being the second and the new school really pushed on those who were ready so I wish I'd done more.

ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 13:55

You are being perfectly reasonable. Some children can read before they start school but this does not indicate better reading ability later in life. Both of mine started school knowing most of the letter sounds and their names, but they only really learned these in the last term before school. And my son didn't start school until he was 5 and a half anyway, so was considered 'behind' in reception, but is now in the top literacy group in his class(aged 9).

HaveAHappyNewJung · 02/01/2011 14:00

Of course YANBU :)

If a child is desperate to read, they will learn. Your child will let you know if they want you to teach them. No point at all in pushing it too early - even if they are ready in terms of aptitude, if they don't WANT to learn then pushing it would be very counterproductive.

BodleianBabe · 02/01/2011 14:03

No just leave it your DS. If he wants to learn he will.

DS1 was pointing out words before he went to school and asking what they meant. He could read simple words before school but only what he'd done at preschool.

DS2 showed no interest and couldn't read at all or even write his name before he went to school. He's done really well at school and not struggled at all. In fact his reading age is significantly higher than DS1's was at that age.

They both go to a private school and there was certainly no issues about whether they could read before school. I certainly would push the issue as it will just be seen as a chaore and not something enjoyable.

undercovasanta · 02/01/2011 14:03

I think its too young unless they are desperate to learn. My DD is 4.4 and gets loads of reading 'homework' from school. Its too much IMO and she only does it if she wants to. I refuse to be pressured or to pressure DD. There are more important things for a 4yo to be doing!

Anniegetyourgun · 02/01/2011 14:04

I taught DSs 1-3 their letters before they went to school (it can be fun, like a more sophisticated version of spotting different farm animals in picture books) but left the proper reading bit to the professionals. However I did teach DS4 to read at 3 because I told XH that my brother had learned to read at 3 and he didn't believe it was possible, so I proved it. There was no noticeable difference in how they developed. Years on they all play far too many computer games (or in my brother's case, watch far too much television) but are also keen readers. And I still read stories to DS4 last thing at night although he's nearly 14! We like it - why not?

Anniegetyourgun · 02/01/2011 14:11

Oh I must add, I totally agree with everyone who's saying be guided by what your child wants to do. I just did the letter-spotting as a bit of fun for as long as they were interested. Forcing them is counter-productive IMO as it makes reading a chore instead of the treat it should be.

bubbleymummy · 02/01/2011 14:30

Annie, thats quite similar to what we did too! Then it progressed to spotting words. DS1 started reading before 3 and is a total bookworm now age 4y9m. DS2 1y9m knows the alphabet and is now starting 'letter spotting' in books, carparks, shopping centres wherever! :) We don't pressure them at all - it's all been a game but they've acquired a useful skill in the process! :)

classydiva · 02/01/2011 14:32

I never taught mine, but they did go to a full time nursery where books were the norm.

He he should have books.

perfectstorm · 02/01/2011 14:51

There's a really good book called Toxic Childhood, and it rounds up research showing early formal teaching is actually bad for kids, as a general rule. It's counter-productive.

I didn't learn to read until I was 7. As I ended up getting into Cambridge to read English, it can't have damaged me too irreparably.

Having said that, I was determined not to let DS learn too early, complete with the intention to discuss this preference with his Reception teacher, when he started school. I'd read the research and was pretty militant on how I wanted him to associate learning with curiosity and joy, not inappropriate pushing. Unfortunately for my plans, he taught himself to read numbers up to 10 before he was even 2, and is now starting on his alphabet, without input from me other than reading him lots of stories - he's worked out T and P and M and D himself, just from the sounds. Kids do differ, and just as I had no interest until school pushed it, he is fascinated. I don't think it means anything longterm, but I would be guided by the child rather than any theory. As I've learned the hard way!

I think that's the key point, though. It's totally irrelevant how much formal knowledge they have when small. It is a predictor of precisely nothing. What matters is that they aren't turned off the process of learning, itself. Personally I think early childhood should be a time of joy and exploration, not conforming to adult expectations and hopes.

roomonthebroom · 02/01/2011 14:54

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to not want to teach your DS to read before he starts school. I don't think for a minute he will be left behind.

DD is in P1 but was desperate to 'read' before school, but I was reluctant to 'teach' her. I'm a secondary English teacher but didn't feel that I had the skills and expertise to do it in a way that would provide continuity with primary school. What we did instead was read a lot together and she began to ask what particular words were and started to recognise them in other contexts. We also made up lists using the empty
packaging from food and she had to find them in the supermarket so it became a game, but she felt she was reading. In her pre-school year, phonics sounds were introduced and some children picked them up, others didn't, but there was no pressure.

DD has picked up the basics of reading quickly in P1 and has in no way been 'left behind'. My gut feeling was that if I pushed it she would lose interest and see it as work, rather than play, but every child is different and you should trust your instincts and be guided by your DS.

EdgarAleNPie · 02/01/2011 14:56

learning at home is not formal teaching though. and i happen to think those stidies just show that bad teaching is bad (so, not much!).

you are reading with him, so you are helping him learn to read.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5