Not to teach my three year old to read?

[Georgimama]

DS is 3.9. My mother is obsessed by the idea that he needs to start reading before he starts school. She thinks if he cannot read before he starts school he will be the only one and will be "left behind". As he is going into a school with classes of 8 I doubt this is likely.

I think trying to teach a 3.9 year old to read is probably pointless as unlikely to be fruitful, and is completely unnecessary. He seems fairly bright to me (has an excellent vocabulary, is able to piece together cause and effect of things he observes i.e some time ago I told him what a contrail is, the other day he looked up in the sky and said "look mummy a contrail, there must be a plane") and not in need of any pushing.

Am I deluding myself? Does everyone else break out the jolly phonics at birth? Am I dooming him to failure before he has even started?

"learning at home is not formal teaching though."

Depends entirely on how it is done. And the basic point remains: IMO it should be child-led, not done to satisfy parental ego. There is no educational advantage to the child in being an early reader, so it should be because they are interested and want to do it, and not for any other reason, as far as I am concerned.

I read with my son because he loves stories. I was constantly read to as a child, and didn't learn to read, as I said, until I was 7. I focused on the stories and not the words.

My MIL was a special needs teacher and for all her sins she does have a way with children. So mine had 2 or 3 hours a week of one to one with a professional teacher giving them 100% attention from the age of three, DD1 is 10 with a reading age of 14 so i'm afraid I don't see the harm and she has been able to excel at geography, cookery, art etc due to being able to cope with more complex texts.
The younger two struggle at times and that was picked up on very early and the extra help provided, the school wouldn't have noticed for years and indeed 2 of my friends children received no support whatsoever until they started senior school, the whole of their primary years wasted. This is at an ofsted outstanding school.

YANBU - but how on earth do you teach someone to read? Surely, by reading stories and just stuff when you're out and about, using appropriate language, singing nursery rhymes - stuff that you do from birth and before you even fill out a school application form.

We have the jolly phonics book/video and my little girl was in school when she was the same age as your son and they did jolly phonics (about 3 or 4 sounds a week). (They start September after 3rd birthday here).....and I have to admit that my proudest mummy moment was being told by the teacher that my child could read (they'd had PE in the hall and Indigo child had decided to read all the displays in the hall instead). Certainly I had not 'taught' her to read but I'd like to think that I had provided the right sort of environment and encouragement. Child is serious special needs (possibly autistic) so I am just grateful that she is good at something!!!!

I really don't think you need to worry. It sounds to me like you have a very bright little boy that you are very much in tune with. He will do very well in school.

YANBU - unless your DS has asked you to help him learn to read and you're saying no. Or you aren't doing anything that helps with 'reading readiness' skills - the kind of things mentioned by ShoshanaBlue :)

Nah, leave it to the teachers, unless he wants it early.

I never taught either of mine before school, but I happily taught them lots of other things, and they are well rounded, well educated kids with good manners and not at all behind their peers.

YANBU. I absolutely agree with you. I didn't with my DS. He didn't start school until he was 5 and a bit and he couldn't read and showed no interest in books at all.

As an avid reader I was a bit worried but he has turned into a real 'reader'. He still doesn't want me to read to him though.

His teachers have all been really pleased with his progress. I think he was just 'ready' to learn.

Thank you for all the further replies. To whoever asked about the school, yes I have already chosen one and he will be starting the pre-school in the summer term this year before entering reception in September. It is a co-ed private school and has an infant, junior and senior school department. Despite not being academically selective it gets the best GCSE results in the area by far so they must be doing something right. On the other hand it is not hot house and they are very big on the idea that every child is good at something and it is their job to work out what and then encourage them in it, so I have no worries about their abilities.

My concern was just that my mother thinks I am being odd and somehow disinterested in his education when nothing could be further from the truth. I think she takes the view that I am just chucking money at his education and off loading the responsibility onto his future teachers which I think is unfair. I just feel strongly that I don't want him discouraged by pushing him before he may be ready. It's another five months until he starts pre-school and who knows, he may have virtually taught himself by then anyway!

I think I would just go along with how he was developing- I taught my brother to write his name at 3 (him not me!) but just because he wanted to!

The best thing you can do is get your child interested in learning, books and enjoying stories etc. not ramming it down their throats. I really love the Letterland books for this as kids don't realise they are learning, to them it's just a story and you'll often see kids properly reading aged 4ish who have that system.

Schools are very anti children reading early though - especially if it isn't using their system because it makes it harder for teachers to keep all the pupils at the same stage and interested in the same projects.

Having seen what happens when you leave reading entirely in the school's hands though, I'd not chance it. Reading is too important a skill to leave it to chance.

He will learn to read if he wants to and if he isn't ready he won't, despite your best efforts. Join the library and read together for fun.

I think the most important thing you can do is encourage curiosity. In anything - the world around them, music, stories, quite literally anything. Kids are programmed to be interested so they learn the skills they need to develop, and I think too many are turned off learning by a tick-box approach to the 3 Rs. There's no benefit to early reading, so why not be guided by the child in question.

The people who do best in the long run, academically speaking, are the ones who have intellectual curiosity - who like finding out how things work, and why, and who thinks what, and why. And learning to read happens in every family with engaged and involved parents, anyway. When they start doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference to eventual outcome.

You sound a very engaged and concerned parent to me. I'd go with your gut - like most things in parenting, really.

I don't see why you shouldn't start him on reading, it doesn't have to be forced upon him, just a bedtime story or a quiet time with a book. It will get him interested in books, and hopefully will give him the keenness to try to read for himself. I love kids books like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Hairy Maclary and Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, they're great fun with lots of rhythm and rhymes, so it won't feel like you're formally educating him at all.

dd is 2years 10months and loves us reading and has stared recognising words that we've read when out. She knows pop, wow and cow (not sure how useful they are but I don't want to discourage her). As long as she wants to read I am more than happy to encourage her, but then DH and I are both from a journalist background so reading, grammar and spelling are really important to us. DD asks about words and letters so we go with it.

I could read when I started primary and my mum had to show the teacher what I read at home as I was bored with the stupid book my teacher wanted me to read (which only had the word Look! in it). I still remember it now.

All the kids I know who go to pre school before starting school can write their names and can read a bit - it would help with confidence for your child but I wouldn't do forced lessons.

I was taught to read when I was 2. It was totally unnecessary and a very bad idea. As a result I was bored and therefore naughty in reception. I dont't think leaving me to learn at school would have done me any harm at all, but I feel teaching me early did.

Definitely not. Just read stories together. In Scandinavian countries where literacy rates are excellent, better than uk, formal teaching of reading and writing is delayed until about 8. A recent study indicated that children who were taught to read too young were actually less effective readers by age 12 than those who had been allowed to learn later, when they were ready. It was a Scandinavian study but can't remember authors I'm afraid.

If children are ready early they will take the lead. DS was and was reading fairly fluently in reception and read all the Harry Potters around his 6th birthday.

DS has always been obsessed with language and not surprisingly his GCSE options are: French, Latin and Mandarin; (he read the first HP in Latin at 12 and at 8 translated the first chapter of the first Lord of the Rings Book into Runes according to the code at the front of the book) and he will do a summer school in Greek because he is adamant he wants to read classics. DD was slower on the uptake and certainly not reading fluently in reception. Nevertheless she had read all the published HP books by the time she hit the juniors. At 11, her reading age was assessed as 14+ and I'd say she's top average but from a bookish family. DD is much better at maths than DS though.

I'd say let the children take the lead.

if he was interested it might be fun to dabble but other wise i woudn't bother. what he really needs is for you to read with him every day for ten mins once he actually starts school.

Is he can read at a state school he'll be the only one. And then be bored for the whole of reception while the other children catch up.

I was my dad's 'project' when I was small and when I started school at 4 I was sent to the head to prove I could read. My reading age was assessed to be 8. It was never a problem for me apart from running through all the books the school had. I still love reading a great deal.
DD2 is just 4 and learned all her letters from those foam bath letters that stick to the tiles :) Best present ever, she still plays with them. I started making little words (cat, bus, bum, Max) and she picked it up like a game. I made her a little set of three letter word flash cards and she now brings them to me to look at them. I would not do it if she didn't want to, never ask her to do them, it's always at her request.

Maybe in North London (where I presume you are from by your name). In Somerset our local primary expects kids to know some basic words and the alphabet.

DD's childminder has a son who has just started and they have spellings to learn every week from the start of term - how can they do this if they don't even have a basic understanding of reading.

I don't think it should be formal, just reading every day and running your finger under the words will help make the link.

There is no good reason not to try to teach a 3.9 year old to read. A head start in reading will advantage a child no end, there are no doubt stories of posters who didn't read until (insert age of choice) and still went to Oxbridge but these are simply anecdotes.

This is akin to the complaints about the end of the free books for babies scheme, there are already free books in the library or mothers could controversially buy books for their children.

As for the poster who said her daughter only does the homework that she wants?! What a wonderful sentiment, if only the whole world adopted such a lazy approach and all did just what they wanted, before posters whine that this is just a child this attitude and sense of entitlement gets ingrained.

ps.i did teach mine a it b4 school but only cos he was (and is still) a complete bookworm. He would want to be read to for an hour plus each day and was desperate to give reading a ago. Hes now in year 3 and reading 4 years ahead of his age according to the teachers. I think he would have been doing this even if we hadn't had fun with jolly phonics aged 3.5 Back then we did about 5 mins each day and had covered all the letters/sounds within a month. He went on to blend the letter sounds himself.

I think I'm perfectly entitled to think my children would be taught to read at school and guess what,they were ...

My DS is at a montessori nursery school. They introduce phonics and take it from, at a pace the child is comfortable with. They suggest that unless the child wants to, there is no need to start formal education until 6. There is no way I would push learning to read as I think the risks of putting them off reading are too great.

I do read lots and lots of books to them.

Ah yes, "the school will teach my child and be fully responsible" attitude. You are the parent and your child will take the lead from you. If you show them reading is fun they are going to be more interested in school.

Teaching your children is rewarding and fun (isn't it?)