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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to teach my three year old to read?

120 replies

Georgimama · 02/01/2011 13:19

DS is 3.9. My mother is obsessed by the idea that he needs to start reading before he starts school. She thinks if he cannot read before he starts school he will be the only one and will be "left behind". As he is going into a school with classes of 8 I doubt this is likely.

I think trying to teach a 3.9 year old to read is probably pointless as unlikely to be fruitful, and is completely unnecessary. He seems fairly bright to me (has an excellent vocabulary, is able to piece together cause and effect of things he observes i.e some time ago I told him what a contrail is, the other day he looked up in the sky and said "look mummy a contrail, there must be a plane") and not in need of any pushing.

Am I deluding myself? Does everyone else break out the jolly phonics at birth? Am I dooming him to failure before he has even started?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 02/01/2011 18:24

I read to my kids all the time ...I didn't teach them to read though

usualsuspect · 02/01/2011 18:25

So stop with the patronising attitude

maddy68 · 02/01/2011 18:26

I dont see how you can 'avoid' teaching him to read, when you read to them they want to see the words and then they naturally learn.
Both my kids could read before they went to school. There is one teacher and maybe a TA to 30+ kids - when do you think they can sit and listen to each child read? at least if they have learnt some basics then it can only help

PrincessScrumpy · 02/01/2011 18:31

If you read to them then you are teaching them.

BelleDameSansMerci · 02/01/2011 18:36

My DD is also at a Montessori nursery and she is beginning to take an interest in "her letters". She is 3.3. I am desperate for her to learn to read as I think reading is the most wonderful thing. I'm having to rein myself in and not push her but I hope she is keen to learn for herself...

I could read before I went to school (which I started 40 years ago!!) and, even then, my mother was "told off" by my teacher for having taught me. I still think this is odd but I seriously doubt I could teach my DD to read so will leave it to the professionals.

Original poster
Georgimama · 02/01/2011 18:38

Well I have read to him every day since he was born and he hasn't started reading yet....

OP posts:
FudgeGirl · 02/01/2011 18:38

I was reading before my third birthday (honestly) because I was obsessed with books and newspapers. My dad was amazed that I would pick up his newspaper and read what I could - obviously not all of it, but I'd have a good go so I was bought loads of books, helped and encouraged.

By the time I was in the last year of infant school I'd read every book they had and was allowed to bring in my own.

I know it won't be the same for every child, but I do think parents should teach what the child is willing to learn and not leave it just to the school. I'm not saying any child that reads early is better than any other child, but I think parents should try to instill an interest in books at home.

Deaddei · 02/01/2011 18:42

I read at 3, and both mine could read before starting school.
But I didn't force them- they did Letterland then Ort at nursery.

perfectstorm · 02/01/2011 18:48

"If you read to them then you are teaching them."

If you set the parameters of teaching that loosely you may as well say you are teaching them to speak, walk, eat food and interact. You are... but it's not on any conscious level.

There's a big difference between formally setting out to teach a child to read, and their picking it up as they go along. If all you ever did to inculcate literacy was read to them, a large proportion would never read at all.

anastaisia · 02/01/2011 19:10

Actually, that probably isn't true.

A lot of autonomously home educated children are never taught to read formally, yet living in households that value literacy they do pick it up. There are some with SEN who don't and who may need more intervention but they are certainly in the minority rather than the norm.

Early reading is an advantage in a school setting, because of class sizes, the format of learning materials, assessment methods, teacher ratios etc. And obviously the OP intends to use school so will be making decisions based around that - but it isn't the only way of learning.

bubbleymummy · 02/01/2011 19:30

Well actually perfect storm, you are! I think this is the point some posters are making. Learning to read doesn't have to be a conscious decision or forced upon a child in a strict academic sense. Children pick up what they are around. If you are presenting letters and numbers to them, pointing them out, reading books with them beside you then they will absorb all that and reading will just follow naturally. If you restrict these things and make a conscious decision not to 'teach' your child before school then you are just wasting an opportunity - and for what reason? I would like to emphasise again that I am not suggesting you should sit your child down and force them to learn their alphabet but if you include the alphabet song as one of the songs you sing to them during the day - they pick it up! Maybe we just have very different ideas of what 'teaching' involves. I don't think a classroom, a roomful of children, or a qualified teacher is a requirement.

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/01/2011 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 02/01/2011 20:46

If he wants to learn to read then let him otherwise just leave him alone, You do a lot with him and that all helps. Most schools don't expect children to be able to read when they start school.

perfectstorm · 02/01/2011 21:00

bubbleymummy and anastaisia, I appreciate this is your sincerely held opinion. I simply think you are totally wrong, based on the academic studies I've read on the subject.

We'll just have to agree to disagree, won't we? Wink

perfectstorm · 02/01/2011 21:02

Sorry - I don't think you're wrong in saying that informal learning is valuable! Plainly it is. But I disagree that all kids would learn to read based on being read to. Just do not buy that at all - it hasn't been my experience, and isn't the experience in parts of the world where they delay teaching reading until later.

LunaticFringe · 02/01/2011 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clary · 02/01/2011 21:52

IME very few children start school able to read.

I have helped in FS2 classes for the last 4 years so I have had close contact with more than 150 4yos in that time.

Of those I would say about 4 or 5 started school able to read in any meaningful way. And this is in a middle-class well-supported area - where the children achieve well and have lots of help at home.

Genuinely OP, unless yr child is keen, don't push it. I wouldn't think he will be left behind if unable to read.

disclaimer: I am talking state school which I imagine you are not if your school will have classes of 8! I don't know how it works in private schools.

howtoapproach · 02/01/2011 22:04

My DD is in a state school and I think only 1 or 2 could read before they started. The older ones in the year seem to be mostly reading now - within the first term. Phonics seems to be a large part of the curriculum in reception.

I had alphabet puzzles, read stories etc. But I think you know your child's pace and I felt I was in danger of putting her off reading if it became a chore.

I was a pre-school reader and I'm certainly not outstanding academically. In fact in some ways it was a bit damaging as everybody always expected me to be a high flyer and I just wasn't which led to much disappointment.

I would say keep reading to him and have educational type activities but don't push him if he's not interested. I've been told (although not sure if it's true) that vocabulary is the main thing.

Mine started to get interested in all kinds of things at this age - the solar system, weather, scientific type things. Just encourage what he's interested in and the rest should follow.

Really don't think you need to go and buy phonics books at this stage. My friend's dd was a pre-school reader - she just picked up books and taught herself.

My mother (a bit like yours maybe?) gave me some phonics cards when my DD was 1. Have to say I opened them this term (age 5) and they were useful for backing up the school work.

EdgarAleNPie · 02/01/2011 23:30

Scandanavian countries are demographically hugely different to the UK, and their education systems are vastly different also. comparing apples & oranges to invoke single aspects of their system as better...

EdgarAleNPie · 02/01/2011 23:37

my brother learned to read and write before school - lucky for him that he did - he had SN and his pre-learned ability enabled him to keep up with the class.

you assume your kid will learn - most likely you'll be right. but some kids will benefit from an earlier start.

DilysPrice · 02/01/2011 23:48

I more or less taught my DCs to read before they started school, in tiny tiny 30 second chunks popped into their normal bedtime reading. But I wouldn't say YABU not to do so.

wayoftheworld · 03/01/2011 00:06

I tried to teach mine reading and there wasn't much interest, but he loved numbers so we did maths. He learned reading very quickly once school started and has been fine. What ever work you do with children make sure it is fun for both you and the child. If not its not worth it...

Jenda · 03/01/2011 02:18

YANBU! Bloody hell if he can recognise a contrail he's clearly not lacking in intellectual stimulation! At 16 months I would literally sit with a picture book and stare at it for 2 hours (bit of a soulless baby!) My sister and I were both reading before school but thats because we WANTED to, not because we had a pushy mum! Although she was glad when we did as it gave her a few minutes peace. I very much doubt there will be many, if any other kids at school who are reading. As someone mentioned before, I do know some v young kids whose parents say they can "read" but have actually just memorised the story. He'll be fine

ninah · 03/01/2011 02:22

yanbu
you will put him off for life, reading comes from the child - honestly!

EdgarAleNPie · 03/01/2011 14:38

"you will put him off for life"

this idea is particularly groundless.

if you put a book in front of a three year old and yelled at them for not being able to read it it, then yes, that might put them off. in fact i'd go so far as to say it would definitely put them off.

if you play games with letters and words, read with them looking at pictures and discussing the story, all the while pointing to the words, if you show them how to draw letters and numbers just as you'd show them how to draw a face, or a flower or tree, then will you put them off?

No!!!

furthermore, if you don't encourage a child to enjoy reading, if you ignore their attempts to form letters, if you allow them to go to school and be one of those that is always last to finish the work...will that put them off?

just maybe.

not saying the OP is doing the latter, in fact it looks more towards the second approach....