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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to teach my three year old to read?

120 replies

Georgimama · 02/01/2011 13:19

DS is 3.9. My mother is obsessed by the idea that he needs to start reading before he starts school. She thinks if he cannot read before he starts school he will be the only one and will be "left behind". As he is going into a school with classes of 8 I doubt this is likely.

I think trying to teach a 3.9 year old to read is probably pointless as unlikely to be fruitful, and is completely unnecessary. He seems fairly bright to me (has an excellent vocabulary, is able to piece together cause and effect of things he observes i.e some time ago I told him what a contrail is, the other day he looked up in the sky and said "look mummy a contrail, there must be a plane") and not in need of any pushing.

Am I deluding myself? Does everyone else break out the jolly phonics at birth? Am I dooming him to failure before he has even started?

OP posts:
Original poster
Georgimama · 03/01/2011 15:28

Oh he can't draw a face, a flower or a tree either. He is a dedicated and furious scribbler.

OP posts:
taffetacat · 03/01/2011 15:35

Both of mine ( DS7, DD4 ) don't like me teaching them. Letter and number recognition and verbal stuff is OK, but the minute I started trying to show either of them how to form letters, they give me the face and slink off.

So its left to school. I would only do it with a child if they wanted it.

piprabbit · 03/01/2011 15:48

I read to my DCs, they are interested in the pictures, words, rhymes etc.
They read books to each other (although the 2yo is using memory and imagination instead of the written word).

They watch me write.
They scribble little lists of their own on scraps of paper that are left around the house.

They are learning to read and write, and I'd be hard pushed to prevent them.

But I'm not formally teaching them.

So YANBU to not want to formally teach your child, but YABU if you think you can stop you child from being interested.

giveitago · 03/01/2011 16:22

I was reading very early (thanks to df) and was way ahead of friends for this, however, apart from loving to read (which is great) it hasn't put me streets ahead of anything else.

I read loads with ds and he knew his letters early on (private nursery) - I switched him to state nursery and they were more keen that we did reading preparation ie just reading with them so I didn't take the letters and sounds any further at all. Just read with him. He's in reception and reading more each day so it suited us to be relaxed.

Of course, if he asks for spellings or tried to write we would help, just like you'd anwer the question of an interested child but we certainly didn't push it.

Tarenath · 03/01/2011 20:58

YANBU

If he really wants to learn, then he'll start to pick it up just from you reading to him. He definately doesn't NEED to be reading before he starts school.
My ds is the same age as yours and has asked to learn to read. We are mostly just playing with phonics sounds, matching games, loads of reading etc and he's picking it up just fine so far. We're not doing anything 'formal' really. Maybe 10-15 minutes spread throughout the whole day of word/sound recognition games but that's about it!

cruelladepoppins · 03/01/2011 21:07

My children learned to read before they started school - largely because they were interested in letters and knew they meant something, and wanted to know more. They started by recognising "TESCO" on the carrier bags and lorries Blush, and it went from there. Also we had read story books with them from when they were tiny.

However. It did not put them "ahead" at school - largely because they had to join in with all the other kids learning their letters. I almost regret having taught them now because it meant they were very bored for much of their first year at school.

However they are still great readers and very quick. But they probably would have been anyway. And the desire to learn came from them, I would not have tried to teach them otherwise. You have to be guided by your children a little bit as to when they are ready. By all means surround DS with the written word, but don't shove it at him. There are lots of other good things to learn. I wish my youngest had learned to potty train as fast as he learned to read ...

beanlet · 06/01/2011 13:43

"I almost regret having taught them now because it meant they were very bored for much of their first year at school."

Precisely. Though in fact, my mother teaching me to read so young did give me a lifelong love of books.

bigdog · 31/12/2011 18:29

My DD is 3 years 8 months old and has a reading age of 10.5 (scary, but true.) I have done nothing other than the usual reading that every parent/carer (should) do with their child. In some ways I wish that she couldn't read as well as she does as I think it'll be easier for her when she starts Reception in Sept - but I have to say her Nursery teacher has been fantastic...I have no fear of her being bored at school as any teacher worth their salt is on top of differentiation and learning to read is such a small part of being at school.

squeakytoy · 31/12/2011 18:31

wow! that is quite amazing. :)

what sort of books does she read?

ChocHobNob · 31/12/2011 18:46

I would carry on with what you're doing. Reading with him regularly. You are giving him a good foundation to start at school.

My youngest started nursery school at 3 years and nearly 1 month and has started reading words in the past school term (now only just turned 4).

My eldest went straight into reception with no nursery education beforehand and started from scratch when all of his classmates had been in Nursery for at least a year. He is in yr 2 now and is the most able reader in his class. They are both doing fine even with starting to read at quite different ages.

bigdog · 31/12/2011 18:47

It's really hard to find age-appropriate stuff, tbh. At the moment, she is working her way through the Noddy series and some of the more wordy picture books - all I can say is thank heavens for the library!

catgirl1976 · 31/12/2011 18:49

Do children not generally pick up a bit of reading through being read to and starting to follow the story, meaning the get the basics without "formal teaching"?

Genuine question as have a baby and nil experience of this.

bigdog · 31/12/2011 18:52

Definitely, Catgirl - as soon as my DD started to read she was doing it fluently with expression....I don't think that can be taught, can it? I'm sure that kind of stuff is just picked up by osmosis

usualsuspect · 31/12/2011 18:55

This is an old thread

bigdog · 31/12/2011 18:56

I realised that, thanks

elfyrespect · 31/12/2011 19:08

Well why bump it a year later?

RomanChristingle · 31/12/2011 19:12

DD was a very early reader. But there was only her and one other boy in her nursery who were reading. They moved her up a year to reception and most of them were only just learning the letter sounds.
If your ds knows all the letter sounds there's no harm in getting some first reading books and having a go - that's what I did when dd was 2 and I realised her obsession with Alphablocks meant she knew all the letter sounds. If he doesn't know the letter sounds but is keen to learn them then there's no harm in pursuing it but if he isn't keen and sees it as a chore there is no rush imo. DD hates writing and it's not something I'm going to push.

RomanChristingle · 31/12/2011 19:13

Must read all the thread before giving lengthy advice to someone who likely no longer gives a shit Blush

foreverondiet · 31/12/2011 19:24

No harm in teaching him his letters, DD was very interested before she started school, DS1 wasn't....

We had fridge magnets and talked about the different letters depending what was in fridge eg a for apple, b for banana, c for cabbage etc.

DD was ahead when she started (October birthday) as she knew all her letters. DS1 (May) didn't know any letters and couldn't write his name and wasn't behind (although not ahead like DD).

missmehalia · 31/12/2011 19:32

I haven't time to read the whole thread, I'm afraid, but I really think your mother's projecting her own insecurities about what she wishes she had done with you. She has had her turn at motherhood, and now it's your turn. You are not obliged to explain yourself to her. Don't let her hothouse DS if she's babysitting!!

Am an ex-primary teacher and mum of two, with a very dominating mother. I hear what you're saying. Take your cue from DS.. he'll show you what he's keen to do. Go with that! Too much too early creates disaffection, and equally too far the other way can create frustration. It's extremely good if they arrive at school hungry to learn. You don't have to be the source of every bit of knowledge he acquires, and it sounds like you're very switched on about that.

Good for you! Smile

bigdog · 31/12/2011 20:16

Elfyrespect and usualsuspect - Sorry, but I am new to Mumsnet. Is there some kind of unwritten rule about not upping old threads if they are relevant to you?
I came on here to seek a bit of advice about having a "gifted child" (for want of a better term) and so did a search to see if there were any existing discussions. I admit that when I initally wrote my reply I didn't realise it was so old!

It would be nice to hear how the OP's son has got on though - providing she is still active :)

otchayaniye · 31/12/2011 21:01

i don't think yabu, but then i don't think aibu for teaching (i use that term loosely) my first from 18 months and who can now read at just three. she was really into it so i made games up to do with words, making little story books. i learnt the same way (and to echo the cambridge grad above who read at seven, it didn't put me off and stop me or my husband from getting into oxford)

early reading doesn't equal 'good' reading later on in life, but that said ithink some parents deliberately avoid teaching their kids and i'm unsure why

unless you've got some weird reward punishment schtick going with your three year old i doubt you'll harm them by teaching them. it's all play at this age.

usualsuspect · 31/12/2011 21:08

Yes there is an unwritten rule about bumping old threads

HTH

reallytired · 31/12/2011 21:29

"My DD is 3 years 8 months old and has a reading age of 10.5 (scary, but true.) "

What kind of reading test has she had. Surely she is just barking at print. I seriously doult a three or four year old can read books for ten year olds and understand them.

I see know harm in light touch phonics in the early years. I did teach my son to read before he started school. I wanted my son to learn to read by synthetic phonics rather than whole word/ mixed methods. I was also paranoid because my son did not attend the school nursery and I stupidly believed mums who said that their children could read.

He learnt to read in the space of six weeks at four and half years old before he started school. We just practiced sounds for five minutes a day. Prehaps he was a term ahead at the most. When he started school he could read three letter simple words like "cat", but not complex books. I just practiced blending with him and we did not read any reading scheme books.He was not bored in reception and infact loved his reception year. We really enjoyed the experience of teaching my son to read. I don't regret teaching my son in any way.

DD is interested in books and letter sounds, but she isn't ready yet. She is only two.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 31/12/2011 21:47

Did I miss why he would be in a class of 8?!!