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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be tearful about going back to work next week?

55 replies

b1uebells · 01/01/2011 22:37

I prob need a slap back to reality, have certainly been told that by my oh so loving and supportive family

Don't get me wrong, I am so pleased to have the job, and i love to teach but find my class quite a challenge.

Hardest part is when the t.a. who works with my class ( Reception) tells me how easy they are, makes me wonder why they act differently for me, I know they are scared of the t.a and wouldn't put a foot out if line , it is rather scary when she shouts!!

Feels like I am always being judged by her which makes me feel paranoid and I seem to obsess about behaviour management a lot and forget the parts of the job I love.

Any teachers with any tips or anyone who wants to tell me to pull myself together us fine, would Just like to stop crying at home and enjoy job!

Sorry for the long post, didn't know where else to turn! Thanks for listening.

OP posts:

violethill · 01/01/2011 22:41

Well a ta who the children are frightened of doesn't sound good at the job at all!
She sounds like she'd be a nightmare to work with but remember - YOU'RE the teacher and in charge

fireblademum · 01/01/2011 22:42

please go see a gp, sounds like you are suffering stress at work. OH has just had 6 months off sick with stress from a job he loved, but got out of hand in the way you describe.
i suspect would help you enormously if you could offload in RL
and a 'slap back to reality' is the most bloody unhelpful thing anyone could ever say, even if they were thinking it

BelligerentGhoul · 01/01/2011 22:43

They probably don't LEARN as much with the TA though - please don't judge yourself against what somebody else says about the class.

giveitago · 01/01/2011 22:46

Aw - not a teacher but you sound sooo stressed.

I wonder whether you are a newish teacher or new to the school and so feel the pressure more (ds's teacher was new but the ta had been there yonks so parents defered all questions to ta) ?

You sure the kids act differently with you? My ds started reception and his ta certainly seems a toughie and I'm pleased about that. The teacher seems less so and I'm pleased about that as between them they cover all bases.

C'mon teachers out there - give your colleague some advice.

fireblademum · 01/01/2011 22:47

second violethill

we had scary teachers who shouted us into terrified submission, who we were quiet for though we learned very little

and

we had good teachers who listened to us, cherished us,inspired us with a lifelong love of learning and respect for those around us

hmmm which one could you be most like?

just a thought, since you sound like you have lost faith in yourself

Feenie · 01/01/2011 22:49

Everyone feels crap about going back to work at this time of year though, really they do. However much I love my teaching job, it's much nicer snuggling on the settee with my 5 year old having pyjama days.

In a week or so you will be too busy to think about this in this vein and it will be fine, honest.

Practise your 'firm' voice, smile lots when the children behave as you would like them to and praise them. And ignore the TA, it's easy to say stuff like that when you've been doing it donkeys years.

Original poster

b1uebells · 01/01/2011 22:49

I have only been at the school 4 months and am an NQT so have to 'pass' the year to be properly qualified iyswim. She has been there 10 years and is considerably older than me and most of time I feel like she is my boss.

OP posts:

BelligerentGhoul · 01/01/2011 22:52

She isn't your boss and it will get easier - I promise!

There is a brilliant behaviour management guy, who basically boils everything down to using humour, giving choices and assuming compliance by saying 'thank you' rather than 'please' at the end of instructions. I WISH I could remember his name, as I think it would be really useful to you.

EdnaPontellier · 01/01/2011 22:52

Hi b1uebells

Don't know your back history, so am assuming you're fairly newly qualified or in a new school - apologies if not (and discount what I say if not relevant!) FWIW I had a fab trainee year and then, in the same school I'd done well in, a horrendous NQT first term. In tears every day, seriously considered not going back after Xmas.

But I did and - well - things had changed. Whether it was the effort I'd put in in the autumn term/the fact I was no longer 'new'/the children could see I hadn't given up (!) - I don't know. It wasn't perfect, and I still had wobbly days (and interfering TAs - though that got better in my second year when I was well established) but it wasn't job-giving-up bad.

The best advice I had (from a student teacher I later mentored) was 'pretend you like them' - which stood me in good stead in about year 6 of teaching when I had a class from hell. Simply breathing deeply, smiling and pretending I liked them (alongside clear fair rules etc) worked wonders. By the time they did their GCSEs (4 years later) I DID like them, genuinely, and they were the most rewarding class I ever taught.

So, after this long ramble, hang in there. And you know what - there are some classes where the chemistry and grouping just isn't right, but as long as they learn something, that's all that matters. It's easy for a well establised TA/teacher - reputation precedes you, you have an established relationship with the community - but every day you work there, you're building that for the future.

I did 10 years in secondary and loved it - but at Xmas of my first year I couldn't envisage doing one more day.

No idea if this is useful or just a self indulgent ramble! Best of luck anyway.

nickschick · 01/01/2011 22:53

Im a nursery nurse and have some dragon like TAs ......I think sometimes they want to be the teacher and think that a firm hand gives them the respect,parents have often said to me 'oh you should be the teacher xxx loves you you are so good at putting things on the wall '....truth is it takes a lot of training to be a teacher and it takes a lot of personality to be a good teacher ......I think your Ta has undermined your confidence - so next week go into school andremind yourself that this is a job you love and have trained hard to do......and put whisky in her coffee .

Garcia10 · 01/01/2011 22:53

Sounds like you should be on the TES forums. They will give you advice on how to approach your NQT year and deal with challenging TAs.

tethersend · 01/01/2011 22:53

How long have you been in this job? At this particular school I mean?

If I were you, I would actually speak to your line manager and explain the situation- no criticism of the TA, but she is completely undermining you. She probably thinks she is helping. A TA should not be shouting at the kids (I don't believe a teacher should be either, but that's my own opinion). Your line manager should support you in taking ownership of the class; preferably by swapping TAs, but failing that, by observing and supporting the TA to support you.

You cannot continue to feel judged every day; that is unworkable and needs to stop or it will drive you mad. A good TA does not run the class- it sounds like she's on a bit of an ego trip, TBH.

EdnaPontellier · 01/01/2011 22:54

PS - BelligerentGhoul - is it Bill Rogers? If so, I agree - the thankyou thing was a saving technique. Use it still in my new job (with adults ;-)

tethersend · 01/01/2011 22:54

x-post, sorry.

cherryteat · 01/01/2011 22:55

ah i clicked on your thread thinking you're like me and weeping about going back to work next weds after twelve months of mat leave.
Your TA probably enjoys baiting you a little bit, enjoying intimidating you as she does the children. Maybe she has a bee in her bonnet about your qualifications. Is she older than you by any chance? Do you have a mentor or supervisor to talk it over with? if you're really that unhappy can you suggest moving the TAs around to promote everybody's professional development? ;@)

tethersend · 01/01/2011 22:55

Bill Rodgers, BG?

tethersend · 01/01/2011 22:56

x-post again!

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/01/2011 22:57

i would not like my son to be scared of a TA.

tethersend · 01/01/2011 22:57

'Pretend you like them' is brilliant advice.

BelligerentGhoul · 01/01/2011 22:58

Nope, I don't think it was Bill Rogers.

TheBigZing · 01/01/2011 23:01

BG - I came across a behaviour management guy with the techniques you describe - his name was Jason Bengbara or Bangbara I think. I still use his techniques 6 years on.

BelligerentGhoul · 01/01/2011 23:02

YES that's him! :)

Original poster

b1uebells · 01/01/2011 23:03

I am actually crying reading all your replies, how sad am I! Is nice not to be told to stop moaning about nothing for a change.
Thankfully, she is only my t.a. part of each day, either am/pm as she is in another class too. I don't find her very supportive though e.g. If I am trying to herd them all to carpet or get them all settled, she doesn't help me atall. I think this is because when she herds them to carpet for a story etc she doesn't need/want help so she offers none either.
She has never worked with an nqt either!

OP posts:

BelligerentGhoul · 01/01/2011 23:03

here

tethersend · 01/01/2011 23:06

It's ridiculous that behaviour management forms so small a part (if any) of teacher training.

It should be mandatory.

OP, speak to your mentor about the TA- a swap could well be a possibility; failing that, support should be offered.

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