To be tearful about going back to work next week?

[b1uebells]

I prob need a slap back to reality, have certainly been told that by my oh so loving and supportive family

Don't get me wrong, I am so pleased to have the job, and i love to teach but find my class quite a challenge.

Hardest part is when the t.a. who works with my class ( Reception) tells me how easy they are, makes me wonder why they act differently for me, I know they are scared of the t.a and wouldn't put a foot out if line , it is rather scary when she shouts!!

Feels like I am always being judged by her which makes me feel paranoid and I seem to obsess about behaviour management a lot and forget the parts of the job I love.

Any teachers with any tips or anyone who wants to tell me to pull myself together us fine, would Just like to stop crying at home and enjoy job!

Sorry for the long post, didn't know where else to turn! Thanks for listening.

Well OP - that's her issue. I must say that those I know often struggled their first year - take a deep breath and go in there and do your best. Rope the ta into doing more to help you. Great she knows her job and doesn't appear to be managing but just reign her in to help you more and put her in her place gently, if need be.

Gosh - the first term of ds at reception I spoke to the ta more - a) because she'd been there yonks and it was unfair to ask the new teacher each tiny question that she might not know of the top of her head and b) I felt she was busy and didn't need to deal with tiny stuff so directed it to ta. But anything to do with his progress I've always directed to the teacher.

Sure you're doing fine.

Oh, and IME; this is as bad as it gets. It just gets better and better after the NQT year, and you're through the worst of that

There is also lots of great support on here from teachers; great for a ranting session

OP - re: your TA - could you use the flattering technique to get her onside? Something like 'You're really good at settling the children on the carpet. Could you help me when I'm doing this/Could you talk me through what you do so I can copy it in future' or something like that? Often people like she sounds respond to being in the position of 'sharing their wisdom'.

(This does depend on how confident you feel in doing so though - I found asking people to share stuff with me - even if I knew how to do it - made them feel that their opinion was valued, and so they liked me more for asking them for help. If that makes sense!)

Pretend you like her

Yes to flattery.

I line manage a particularly difficult person and find that open flirtation generally works (even if it makes me feel a bit dirty!). :)

I think most of us teaching types have been there - or close to it - so hopefully it will help to know that what you are feeling is very normal. The first term of a school year always seems the worst and isn't helped by the dark nights, weather, busy Christmas hols etc etc and it will seem worse if it is your NQT year.

TAs are a tricky subject - some are fantastic and some less so but it always help to try and get them on side even if inside you are fuming....initially I felt like you then someone advised me to try to get involved if there seemed to be a behaviour issue even if it was being dealt with - a simple 'is everything ok Mrs X' and quick word to the pupil reinforced my position in the classroom. Do you have the chance to include her in your planning and give her specific tasks/roles within the lesson? I find this has also helped and have also sought advice and guidance from TAs - even if I have then chosen to ignore it at least they feel included but then hopefully realise that is in ultimately your class and your lesson. My experiences are predominantly secondary so it may be very different in primary and the advice to post on TES if you haven't already done so is a really good idea. And remember the TA doesn't get to say whether you pass your NQT year or not!

tethersend - Yes - now I realise how much I pretend I like people (and how much easier it is!) :)

BG - totally agree - and yes you feel a bit dirty, but I think learning to use people's strengths really helps - especially if you ever want promotion. People love SLT who ask you for advice!

She sounds like a crap TA if she's not helping you getting them settled on the carpet. TAs are there to back the teacher up and support them, not to stand there watching.

On the other hand, do you think you've ever unwittingly given her the impression that you don't need her help with that sort of thing/would rather not have it?

Would agree with the others that flattery sounds a good option!

OK, I'm a teacher with about 20 years of Primary teaching (infant and junior) behind me - but I clearly remember being in your position. Don't panic. It will get easier as you get more experience and the fear of getting through this year is behind you.

Now, a couple of tips :)

Try to lower your voice when you ask for instructions to be carried out, and slow down. If you are stressed, or panicky that the children won't do as you say, the voice tends to rise in pitch and speed and this makes you less authorititive. It's a useful tip in sounding more in control without being scarier.

When you ask for something to be done, expect that it will be. Don't even let the thought "What am I going to do if child x doesn't obey me?" enter your head (it's hard, I know!) Work on controlling those inner negative thoughts. The very fact that you assume it will be done will communicate that assumption to the children - and they will be much more likely to do what you say.

If a child is refusing to do what you ask, use the broken record technique. Keep to the same low, steady tone of voice and ask again. Repeat. Repeat. The child will give in.

Speak quietly so the children have to listen to you. In a class of noise, it's tempting to raise your voice over the noise, but this tends to just make everyone noisier, and you will end up with a class who ignore you when you speak. Get in the habit of talking quietly so the children have to listen.

Smile a lot, especially with children this young. Praise them at every opportunity you can find, and ignore the negative as much as you can. If they are lining up and 29 children are rioting but one is standing still, don't try and pull the 29 into line, praise the one - very pointedly. Say "Wow, Jane is standing so nicely! You can lead the line today." Immediately 3 others will follow suit, say "and Freddy, and Jack too! Goodness me, we're doing well today!" Before you walk down the corridor, say "I know we're all going to be really quiet because I have the best class in the school." Smile, smile again. Remember that little rewards mean big things at this age. Tell them you are looking for someone specially well behaved to go at the front of the line, and the back. Say you are looking for the person sitting the straightest to give out the pencils. Say you have a special sticker to give out to someone you catch doing something really good. when you catch them, make a big deal of it.

They are so young at this age, you can get away with so much of this! They need lots of praise, lots of encouragement, lots of thinking that you like them better than any other children you've ever known. Primary school children of all ages will bend over backwards not to disappoint a teacher who they genuinely like and admire. Take a genuine interest in them. Edna is right that you need to pretend to really like them - and the rest will come.

The class is yours, not the TAs. Shouting at a reception class is not a sign of good teaching or good control. It's hard in this situation, I admit, but I'd try to direct her activities a bit more so she doesn't have quite so much control. It is tempting to lean on a TA who has better control than you (if only because they are scaring the class into submission) but this is counter-productive. You need to find your own way. Who is your mentor for this year? Can you discuss this issue?

Sorry if you know most of this stuff already and it is all basic rubbish! Hang on in there and go back with a smile. Hopefully by Easter you will be looking forward to your return!

Lots of good tips there, Posy - and most of them still work with yr 11 tbh! :)

agree with musicposy about the 'best class' thing. The more you build them up, with you as their champion, the more they will rise to prove you right. And you are their champion - you're their teacher. And especially in primary, it's a scary and exciting thing to be. I *promise it will get easier, and you'll recapture the sheer excitement of having all this knowledge and wonder to impart.

*wipes away sentimental tear, seriously reconsiders going back.

*puts down wine.

Re: your TA - could you speak to your line manager about her (HoD, or if needs be, go to senior management). Before doing this, I would keep a diary of any time you feel she is belittling you, talking down to you etc. That way you have a record with evidence of exactly what she is doing.

Is it also possible she doesn't realise she's doing it? I had a learning support assistant who used to discipline the kids and say things like "Mrs Backward, will you put Pupil X's name on the board please" when Pupil X had done nothing wrong. I went to my HoD and asked for her not to be in my class again as I'd had enough and now she's been 'redeployed'... I think with some TAs, you also have to tell them exactly what support you need - I had one who would sit at the back of the class and do nothing unless I went over to her and told her specifically what I needed her to do.

This quote most of the time I feel like she's my boss - you need to change this. She's not your boss and you are not hers. However she needs to take the lead from you as you are the one responsible for your pupils' learning. Please speak to your line manager and def do the diary thing.

Re: your class - sorry I haven't read the whole thread so you've maybe already said. Are you able to pinpoint the exact issue? It's Reception so I'm not really qualified to give advice as I teach secondary, but is it behaviour management that's the problem?

I have a REALLY good book that I go back to every summer as I have my yearly wobble in the holidays about going back - it's called "Getting the Buggers to Behave" by Sue Cowley and is full of really great tips and things. Simple things like how they enter the classroom every day makes a big difference to behaviour. Also I'm not sure how relevant to Reception this is, but AifL techniques have been very useful for me.

I've been teaching for 6 years now and the first year was easily the most difficult. Keep going, you'll get there I'm sure!

Oh, and definitely come over to TES, we don't bite (mostly) - just steer clear of the Opinion forum and you'll be fine :)

Thanks everyone, appreciate all the advice. Really appreciate the tips Posy, it's certainly easy to forget those things, esp when stressed which I prob was last term.
Your tip about expecting things to be done is prob my biggest problem as I always worry about whether they will do what I want first time and I always think to myself, I bet children x, y, z won't do it, and they usually don't then!

And I will try and keep my voice slower and calmer as they can prob tell I don't sound calm!

Any tips on settling them quickly on carpet and quietening them when they're noisy?

Could you make it into a competition type thing? Have a reward chart? The class gets a star on the chart if it's done quickly and when they get X amount of stickers, they get some sort of reward?

I did a similar thing with a group of 16 year olds once... and it worked!

Sorry, hit post too quickly:

They need to know what your expectations are. I have a friend in early years who has a teddy called Wilf. (What I'm Looking For.) The teddy is part of the story of her expectations and the teddy decides if the expectations have been met.

Have you tried the clapping rhythm? You clap a rhythm and they copy it... or put a hand in the air/finger on lips and they copy it to show they're listening? Counting backwards from 10? Do not shout.

You only need one child to notice and they point out to one another that it's time to listen.

Praise like mad the one child who is doing what you want. It spreads like wildfire then.

musicposy - i've written all that down to use on my brood

b1uebells - I had a TA when I was an NQT who was about 20 years older than me and had been at the school for about 20 years who HID MY RESOURCES FROM ME TO SABOTAGE THE LESSON!!! She was a mental case. Believe me, if you learn some assertiveness techniques (I went on a really good course) and can regain your faith in yourself, you will get through this and be able to laugh about it eventually.

If you feel really desperate after the first week back, do go to your GP - and if you have supportive SMT speak to them too - don't let this wreck your career.

I LOVE my teaching job now, and still use many of the assertiveness techniques I learnt when feeling undermined by other adults.

Good luck with it - if you think it will help, I can try to pass on some of the techniques I learnt.

Really good avice from other posters! Sorry, I missed some of the above!

or ADVICE, even...

Thanks catnao, gosh that ta sounded awful!! and yes, any tips welcome

Awful - but in retrospect - hilarious!
One tip was to say something like " I understand what you are saying AND I think the exact opposite" And, not but is apparently much more effective - sounds bonkers but has really honestly worked for me!

I completely and utterly understand what you're going through!!

I'm now in my 3rd year of teaching secondary English and in my NQT year I had a Learning Support teacher work with me, with one class, once a week. It's daunting teaching in front of other people when you're just starting out anyway, but this guy was about thirty years older than me and used to be head of an English department. The balance of power in that classroom was completely buggered from the start, really, and he did take advantage of that and enjoyed being in control.

It was really difficult for me to establish my authority when he was taking over at the first opportunity. It was a difficult class, too - a bottom set with some really damaged kids.

Nevertheless, although he was stricter, the kids didn't like him much and eventually things came to a head when he upset one of my boys. I had to take a bit more of a stand at that point because I was angry. My HoD eventually became involved too. He was a nice guy but made life really stressful for me.

Some teachers and school staff seem to think that behaviour is the be-all and end-all, that having good behaviour management is some sort of badge of honour and they like to brag about it and undermine others. It's bizarre, really. I've come to realise that behaviour is just a means to an end - if the kids are behaving well enough to progress then you're fine. They don't need to be perfect. If behaviour is hampering progression, then there are loads and loads of things that you can do to fix it.

I've found that my 'worst' classes have always turned out to be my favourites - I think it's because I try harder with them, and I end up feeling really proud of their progress and chuffed with myself :)

Besides (usuallky in retrospect!) naughty kids can be a lot of fun, too! I bet you'll end up with loads of funny stories about your crazy wee class.

They tend to settle after Xmas holidays. Things WILL get better. In fact during the holidays I often ponder a change of career until I get back to work and think 'nah, it's not that bad after all - in fact I kind of like it!'

Good luck and please send me a PM any time you feel the need for a chat - I'm no expert but it wasn't long ago that I was in a similar position and I promise you, it gets much, much easier!