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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to try to find excuses so my guests don't stay beyond tomorrow.

61 replies

Maelstrom · 01/01/2011 21:30

I just came back from a long trip with my child, both totally jet lagged and child misbehaving terribly due to over tiredness, changed routines and being spoiled rotten by the family.

On the day of the arrival, friends I have not seen in years ring to ask if they can come to visit. When? tomorrow. They have come but they now have children and we have not had a very successful mix, my child and theirs together bring the worst in each other, they have played a lot but the house is thrashed. Most toys DS received for Christmas are now broken or missing pieces. Old treasures have been smashed or destroyed. DS is acting like a git because he is obviously upset about the broken toys and tired with the jet lag, and has not have any quiet time since they arrived two days ago. I have asked twice, how long they are staying but have not got an answer yet.

I was looking to some quiet time before starting work on Tuesday, I have been stressing over two days dealing with bad behaviour, shouting, accidents, broken toys, etc. Admitedly, my friends are very nice and considerate, they do nice things like replenishing the fridge and eve cooking a 5 course NYE dinner -from scratch!.

But at the moment, I just want some silence, to be back to my routines, to sort DS' routines and behaviour, to organise the bloody house which looks as a tip, and recover from the jet lag.

Apart of having 2 tablets of valium, what can I do?

OP posts:
moondog · 01/01/2011 21:32

They have been with you for two nights,yes?
Planty long enough.
Are you alone with no dh on the scene because if so, a million times more stressful.

I would discuss 'plans for tomorrow' with them now. If necessary, invent somewhere you have to be/go/

A1980 · 01/01/2011 21:36

I wouldn't have allowed them to come in the first place.

Say it light heartedly: "It's been great to see you but I'm going to have to kick you out tomorrow becasue of XYZ"

Original poster
Maelstrom · 01/01/2011 21:36

I thought of that... but I am dreading them staying overnight on their own... (yes, I don't see why they would not offer to put the key on the postbox after they leave. the house is trashed enough even when I have been trying to control the damage.

OP posts:
CheckeredFlag · 01/01/2011 21:38

I wouldn't ask how long they are staying, that allows them to stay longer than you want. Tell them, tonight, that you have plans for tomorrow, and say that it would be lovely if you could all go for brunch out, or a walk, or to the playground before they have to go. Be firm, no need to be rude, but you are not being unreasonable with wanting this time for your family before normal routine kicks in so don't let them override you!

Original poster
Maelstrom · 01/01/2011 21:38

"I wouldn't have allowed them to come in the first place. "

The benefits of hindsight... will keep it in mind for next time.

OP posts:
A1980 · 01/01/2011 21:39

What do you mean on their own?

Original poster
Maelstrom · 01/01/2011 21:40

Good idea CheckeredFlag... will se how to introduce that in the conversation.

OP posts:
A1980 · 01/01/2011 21:40

Sorry I wasn't trying to be harsh by saying i wouldn't have allowed them to come but I know how tired I am when i've come back from a long journey. it's the last thing you need is to have to entertain people

Needanewname · 01/01/2011 21:44

Do they know their children have broken things? Have they offered to replace?

We had surprisevisitorsthe other night and I was dreading it as their children have been known in the past to not respect our belongings. I hid a lot of stuff and would have asked the parents to replace anythng they broke, luckily the children seemed t have calmed down a lot and it was a succesful trip.

I'm wondering why you haven't perused an answer to when they are going when you've asked.

CheckeredFlag · 01/01/2011 21:49

Don't pussyfoot around trying to introduce it gently...just say 'So...tomorrow I need to get lots of things done before I go back to work. It's been lovely having you but real life calls, blah blah...where's next on your trip itinerary?'

LIZS · 01/01/2011 21:50

How old are the dc ? Old enough to respect others' p[roperty perhaps . Asking when they are due back at work/school may be an opening for a conversation about how you need tomorrow afternoon and Monday to get sorted out yourself and visit family etc.

AllGoodNamesGone · 01/01/2011 21:51

I think you could use your DS as the reason to ask them to go. I wouldn't start inventing plans. Just be honest and say it's been lovely to see them but he is overtired, jetlagged etc and needs some quiet time before getting back your normal routine starts up again or you are in for a rough time with him. Perfectly reasonable and good friends should understand.

Am :( about his toys and hope you can find the missing bits, fix broken ones etc.

Blu · 01/01/2011 21:52

Tell them some form of house repair, renovation or other upheaval is due to start and you need to get everything cleared from the spare room tomorrow.

or

Surreptitiously turn off the mains stop cock, then have a fake conversation with water company and claim burst water main means no water for 3 days.

Sidge · 01/01/2011 21:53

I'd be quite blunt really - along the lines of "It's been lovely having you to stay but I'll need you to be moving on tomorrow as I need to get organised for going back to work. So shall we have a nice lunch and then you can get going in daylight?"

IsItMeOr · 01/01/2011 21:53

Honestly, I think you shouldn't need to find excuses for this. You just need to say nicely that you need them to leave in the morning.

Have you spoken to them yet?

Myleetlepony · 01/01/2011 21:55

For goodness sake, just sit them down and ask them when they planned to leave, explaining in the same breath that you need some time to yourself to get straight before you go back to work.

swanandduck · 01/01/2011 21:56

YANBU and your friends are a bit rude to expect to come and stay for several nights on one day's notice.

compo · 01/01/2011 21:56

Yes say what sidge says tonight, now ! Where are they now? What are they doing?

collision · 01/01/2011 21:57

Do they not have to be getting back to school and work on Tuesday?

I would insist on finding out when they were leaving and then set about doing the chores needed.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 01/01/2011 21:58

Talk to them frankly.

lagrandissima · 01/01/2011 21:59

YANBU. I wouldn't even lay on lunch - I'd offer to pack some sandwiches for the trip, make some vague plans for your visit to theirs, then open the door. Subtlety is not my middle name. But, to be fair, as a guest I try not to outstay the welcome either.

MadamDeathstare · 01/01/2011 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 01/01/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Needanewname · 01/01/2011 22:01

Have you done it yet?

MsKLo · 01/01/2011 22:04

Why have yOu allowed this to happen? Have you spoken to them about the fact they trashed toys? Have they said anything?

YOU need to take control and tell them you need a couple of days just you and your child before you go to work

It is you that needs to sort this and do it now