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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to try to find excuses so my guests don't stay beyond tomorrow.

61 replies

Maelstrom · 01/01/2011 21:30

I just came back from a long trip with my child, both totally jet lagged and child misbehaving terribly due to over tiredness, changed routines and being spoiled rotten by the family.

On the day of the arrival, friends I have not seen in years ring to ask if they can come to visit. When? tomorrow. They have come but they now have children and we have not had a very successful mix, my child and theirs together bring the worst in each other, they have played a lot but the house is thrashed. Most toys DS received for Christmas are now broken or missing pieces. Old treasures have been smashed or destroyed. DS is acting like a git because he is obviously upset about the broken toys and tired with the jet lag, and has not have any quiet time since they arrived two days ago. I have asked twice, how long they are staying but have not got an answer yet.

I was looking to some quiet time before starting work on Tuesday, I have been stressing over two days dealing with bad behaviour, shouting, accidents, broken toys, etc. Admitedly, my friends are very nice and considerate, they do nice things like replenishing the fridge and eve cooking a 5 course NYE dinner -from scratch!.

But at the moment, I just want some silence, to be back to my routines, to sort DS' routines and behaviour, to organise the bloody house which looks as a tip, and recover from the jet lag.

Apart of having 2 tablets of valium, what can I do?

OP posts:
plupervert · 01/01/2011 22:04

They arranged this visit at the last minute, didn't they? Well, you can say, "Look, I'm sorry, this is not working out. We need some rest before starting work/nursery/etc. As the visit was a last-minute thing to start with, could you go tomorrow? I'm rather upset that the first time we have seen each other for so long has worked out like this, but if we just plan it better next time, we won't be so tired, and DS will be older. Can we meet again in January?"

That allows you to skate over the question of the damage (Shock) and show that you parents are hostages of your children, etc. Hope it's both diplomatic enough and clear enough?

P.S. They have already been unreasonable and, frankly, rather rude in ignoring your questions about when they are leaving. Try to keep that in mind when you are cringing about being "rude" yourself (although you are not!).

Original poster
Maelstrom · 02/01/2011 10:50

Ok, I mentioned about how precious the bloody legos are for DS and the tragedy that follows at not being able to put together the things again because the pieces have been misplaced, broken or pushed down the gaps of the floor boards and that the figures can be expensive to replace or plainly unreplaceable if taken away.

I'm furious, I have had a pretty bad year trying to keep my head above the water as I was unemployed for most of it. I have saved for DS Christmas for 4 months. It's thrashed and he only got to play with it once. The extra activities, and food expenses (yes they cooked the NYE dinner but I have been catering the rest of the time), are really getting me down... I can't afford it. I'm afraid that when the mortgage gets charged in 2 days time there would not be enough money in the bank.

I cannot even wash my clothes because the washer/drier has been on use everyday with their stuff.

So I am here, writing in mumsnet, I have not yet came down at all, the children are making lots of noise but I am so NOT preparing breakfast for them this morning...

OP posts:
Original poster
Maelstrom · 02/01/2011 11:02

... and it's not only legos. I tried to hide stuff as much as possible but they are simply everywhere. DS got a present just yesterday, the thing is broken now. He didn't have the time to apply the stickers to the toy before it was thrashed.

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 02/01/2011 11:11

So why haven't you asked them to leave yet then? Seriously, get a grip and get them out.

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 02/01/2011 11:14

I think you are going to have to bite the bullet and say to them that you really need them to leave today. And I would also mention the broken toys. Your poor DS. That is so not fair.

Be prepared to lose the friendship but it sounds like there is not much to lose!

SantasENormaSnob · 02/01/2011 11:18

Fgs tell them they are leaving today.

It's not fair to you or your son so at least put his feelings before theirs.

How rude and unreasonable these people are.

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/01/2011 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dufduf · 02/01/2011 11:32

Who are these people?? I would not consider anyone who disrepected my home/family/possessions in such a way "friends". They're obviously taking advantage of your tiredness and walking all over you both!

I hope by now you've given them their marching orders. If not then stop hiding in your room, hold your head high and tell them very firmly that it's time for them to leave.

Good luck

compo · 02/01/2011 11:35

So despite us alltellibg you to tell them to go and gave a talk with them last night you didn't?
Sorry sympathy waning here
you aren't doing your son any favours by showing him you're a doormat

compo · 02/01/2011 11:36

Why post on here and then ignore all the advice ?

LIZS · 02/01/2011 11:40

Any chance the reason they turned up suddenly was because they've left a similar trail elsewhere and had to move on. Sorry you need to get some courage and tell them to go, now. You need to do your washing , clear up the chaos and get yourselves organised ready for Tuesday - no excuses necessary. Not sure I'd value the friendship fo those who have such disregard and bad manners tbh.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 02/01/2011 11:41

FGS!

How old are you?

Are you always a pushover?

You cant put all the blame for this on them. You have let this happen.

Just ask them to leave.

expatinscotland · 02/01/2011 11:41

Maelstrom, please make it your New Year's resolution to learn to say 'NO'.

I'd never have allowed them to come in the first place. It would have been, 'Oh, what a shame about timing! Sorry, but we've just got back from XYZ and now's just not a good time for you to stay.'

Now, you're really going to have to learn to stand up for yourself and say, 'Well, it's been lovely seeing you, but we need rest so you'll need to move on today.'

ZZZenAgain · 02/01/2011 11:47

Say "right come in the kitchen for a minute will you." Sit them down and say "now please don't take offence, it was lovely seeing you again but I need you to move on now, can you start packing your things together so you can leave by 5pm." Maybe one of them can take the kids out, the other can pack.

If you are uncomfortable, lie and say you have your parents and grandparents arriving tonight. You need them all out by 5pm so you can wash all the bedclothes and clean.

Why are these people just mooning about the place with their dc and calling people asking if they can come tomorrow and then staying indefinitely? It's a bit unusual. Are they from Australia or somewhere like that and doing a grand tour of Europe perhaps?

LIZS · 02/01/2011 11:51

Just seen your ds is 8 , so old enough to stop others interfering with his toys and tell on them (I'd been thinking he must be a preschooler to remain so passive). If the others are similar ages I'd insist on them sorting the Lego out. You can tell other people's children off too,espeically in your home and I'm not sure I'd be prepared to hold back. If needs be take one parent aside say you need them to leave today so you have a clear day tomorrow and you/ds are sad that so much of his stuff has been ruined or mislaid, will they back you up gettign them to tidy/replace. The response will be telling as ot the direction of your futre friendship. If there is a next time they stay at a travelodge and you meet on neutral ground.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 02/01/2011 11:53

Gosh!
You are teaching your child to be a doormat like his mum!!

If my 8 year old had his toys wrecked, he would have caused merry mayhem and kicked these kids out of his room!

DecorhatetheChristmasTree · 02/01/2011 12:27

I would bet the "guests" are on an extended holiday from NZ or Australia where schools won't be going back till the end of the month at earliest. They will be looking up all their "friends" in order to avoid paying for accommodation & will probably be very thick skinned so you will need to be extremely rude blunt to dislodge them.

A RL friend is still angry about her dh's aquaintances who did something similar when their first dc was literally a couple of weeks old..

ZZZenAgain · 02/01/2011 12:32

if so, might be quite difficultfor them to just move on since their home is so far away

ZZZenAgain · 02/01/2011 12:50

have they given you any indication maelstrom o how long they plan to stay on with you?

expatinscotland · 02/01/2011 13:38

Mine, too, Quint. And she's only 7.

MsKLo · 02/01/2011 13:52

I have ti agree that all I hear you do is complain on here then do nothing about it

You are letting this happen

onadietcokebreak · 02/01/2011 13:58

OP- Just tell them its time to move on!

oldraver · 02/01/2011 14:22

Why on earth do they need to do washing at yours ? I'm assuming they have only been with you or a few days, to me that really rude but seems par for the course or them.

Are you going to ask them to leave ?

compo · 02/01/2011 14:24

She's too busy cooking for them to post Grin

AllGoodNamesGone · 02/01/2011 14:39

Your poor DS :(

Gotta get rid for his sake.

You really should have said something last night so they could have arranged where they were going today. Now you might be stuck with them till tomorrow.

Read this thread and see how the poster finally got rid of unwanted guests and how relieved she was when they finally went.

You can do this! And you must or they will still be with you next week with their kids trashing your house while you are at work!