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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird clothing?

132 replies

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 01/01/2011 12:59

Have posted about BIL and his GF before and their very PDA.

We are at ILs for our traditional family NYD lunch, it's something we all look forward to and make abut of an effort for, lovely food, wine, get dressed up etc.

Everyone looks lovely, DD is having a whale of a time and then BIL's GF comes downstairs. BIL is in smart trousers, shirt etc and she is wearing pink PJ bottoms, a basque 3 sizes too small and a tatty black Cardigan.

DH joking said "had she just got out of bed?" and she replied "no I've been getting ready upstairs" apparently this is what she is wearing today.

AIBU to think that is just odd? She knows what we do on this day as MIL and me were talking about it on Christmas Eve with her and saying what we were wearing etc.

OP posts:
KalokiMallow · 01/01/2011 18:48

And you know the hosts feelings on this??

BertieBasset · 01/01/2011 18:51

But she is wearing a combination of nightwear and underwear!! How can that not be odd!

That is all the OP is saying, AIBU to think it's odd? I really don't think you are OP, I don't want to see boobs hanging out of a basque over a family lunch thanks

dittany · 01/01/2011 18:54

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Glitterandglue · 01/01/2011 18:55

I detest being expected to adhere to a dress code because it's what somebody else thinks is 'fun' and therefore what I should think is fun. I won't deliberately go against the grain and dress down just to spite someone, but I also won't dress up unless I want to. I wore jeans, a shirt and a jacket to my cousin's wedding, and in deference to the occasion the jeans were black and the jacket was smart, for me. But nobody expected me to dress to a certain standard, and he and his wife wouldn't have got snotty about it if I didn't. They wanted me there for my company, and part of my personality is the way I dress. I feel uncomfortable in a lot of what is considered smart clothes. If someone wants me there and dressed up and uncomfortable then I'd rather not be there. Thankfully, none of my friends worry about what I'm wearing.

As far as PJs go, apparently it is a fashion thing these days with teenagers. There are two guys on my uni course who turn up pretty much every day in PJ bottoms, too, and they're at least twenty. One of our lecturers, who's adorable, one day asked one of them in a genuinely concerned way if he'd been to bed the night before. Grin

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2011 18:56

why the fuck should she change how she dresses just because someone else doesn't like it?

surely the crux of this is that she is her own person, with her own style

i very much doubt she got up that morning and decided to wear something awful. She wore soemthing that she is comfortable in, feels good in and presumably she thinks looks nice in it as well!

and no, if i invite people to my house I do it because I like them, I couldn't give a shit what they wear. If a frind turned up in a tutu and wellies I might think, weird outfit, but would i comment on it? no
would i come online and bitch about it? certainly not

because I am capable of seeing that people have different tastes and that they view things differently than me. and what I think is nice and dressy is probably vastly different to them. that doesn't make them (or me) wrong does it?

KalokiMallow · 01/01/2011 18:58

Quite glitterandglue and thisisyesterday, I'm glad I spend my time around people who value personality over choice of clothing.

dittany · 01/01/2011 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2011 18:59

no-one has said it isn't odd.

that doesn't take away the fact that the OP is very rude and unkind though does it?

I actually can't understand how it's so rude to dress like that, but it's not rude to spend time at someone elses house accessing the internet in order to bitch about them

Onetoomanycornettos · 01/01/2011 19:00

It's not rude to dress like that, it's perfectly normal for an 18 year old. What a snide lot you are.

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2011 19:01

oh really, dittany, that's fairly ridiculous.

plenty of young people live with their parents even if they have live-in boyfriends/girlfriends

good friends of mine are living with his parents. they have just had their first child.
they were renting a house but it's so expensive here that they literally had no money left.
so they decided to move back home so that they could save for a deposit on their own home

dittany · 01/01/2011 19:02

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thisisyesterday · 01/01/2011 19:03

why? 18 is too young to live with your boyfriend?
do explain

dittany · 01/01/2011 19:05

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KalokiMallow · 01/01/2011 19:06

My friend moved in with her boyfriend when she was 17. Nine years on they are happily married. It works well for some people.

dittany · 01/01/2011 19:06

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herbietea · 01/01/2011 19:10

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thisisyesterday · 01/01/2011 19:10

yeah i am a bit pissed off actually!

maybe they are saving up, maybe they do travel, maybe she has issues with her own family? maybe they kicked her out? you just have NO idea why she lives there and yet you have a big problem with it... it's odd

it's this whole "i wouldn't do that, it must be wrong" attitude that this whole thread is full of.

just because you don't understand why someone would want to do soemthing doesn't make it wrong or bad or anything.

why can't people just be more tolerant?

Glitterandglue · 01/01/2011 19:11

dittany, there are absolutely shedloads of people in the UK now who are old enough to move out of home, and who would desperately like to. Doesn't mean they can afford to. If you can live with your parents and pay no rent/a nominal amount and save for a house/further your education/train for a job, or alternatively move out and spend most of your money on rent which goes nowhere, when your end plan is to get a house, why would you do the latter? Unless there's no space, your relationship's that bad, etc...but age doesn't come into it as far as I can see.

Heroine · 01/01/2011 19:15

its terribly rude for a young lady not to wear appropriate twin set and pearls on a day when one is supposed to look one's best. It is insulting to the host to not look demure and elegant in the presence of men

ragged · 01/01/2011 19:27

Can't believe OP is getting flamed so, she even agreed she was being U. Just let it go, guys...

Mind, If I saw anybody dressed in a Basque and flimsy cardigan + PJs for a meal out... anywhere but the takeaway at the corner of the local sex shop street I'd be sorely tempted to have a right snigger at their lack of dress sense, too.

mutznutz · 01/01/2011 19:36

What's the point in dressing up to stay indoors anyway Lol? If it was a restaurant you were going to and she turned up in PJ bottoms I could understand your point...oh and basques are supposed to be small and tight Wink

NinkyNonker · 01/01/2011 20:04

Oh come on, it sounds like she rolled out of bed at the last minute with a hangover, realised she had to be downstairs with the slightly judgy in laws and threw on a vaguely smartish (r.e.: something she would wear clubbing) top and a cardi, dragged a brush through her hair and legged it downstairs. Yes, it perhaps wasn't the best outfit, and at 18 I knew perfectly well what to wear and when, but it isn't the crime of the century and certainly no worse than most people have done when hungover at 18. I doubt it was intentionally 'disrespectful'.

Equally I see nothing rude about having smart occassions at home or asking people to dress up, very odd to find this weird or rude. But I would find it rude were one of the other guests to cast aspersions like the OP, and your husband does sound very rude.

mippy · 01/01/2011 20:10

Some people don't dress up for the same occasions as others. Christmas Day has never been a dress-up occasion in our house, for example, where it is in others.

northernrock · 01/01/2011 20:37

I lived with my BF at 18. Not in his family house though.

So this pj wearing in public is actually a fashion thing ?
I had no idea. I just assumed my neighborhood was a hotbed of mental illness.

It would be remarkably easy to "pants" some wearing pyjama bottoms. If I was a teenage boy I think the temptation would be overwhelming.

Sorry, just musing. Carry on.

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2011 20:41

funny enough i walked into sainsburys earlier and was confronted with a girl standing there in her pyjamas. she was holding a pillow too (that she was going to buy)