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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that strangers assume I'm racist?

199 replies

tallwivglasses · 31/12/2010 11:37

I need a new porch (about £3,500-worth of work Sad ) and a builder came and looked at it this morning.

As some of the wood on next door's adjoining porch is rotting, he asked me if the neighbours would be amenable to paying for the repair of their side. I replied it was a rented house and the landlord had ignored me in the past but wasn't too bad. 'Ah', he sneered, 'Indian, Asian by any chance?'

I replied 'Yes, but I'm not racist and I don't employ racists. Goodbye'.

So he lost the work. Idiot. It's the same with a lot of taxi drivers - harder to escape from those unfortunately but they don't get a tip.

Why do people automatically assume I'm going to agree with their hateful, bigotted views?

OP posts:
LadyBubbaAndBump · 31/12/2010 11:44

Do you wear your union jack knickers on the outside of your tights?

JosieRosie · 31/12/2010 11:48

I'm with you OP - it shocks me how casually people share their racist/sexist/homophobic views. What sort of response are they expecting? Hmm
Good for you for telling him to sling it

LovelyJudy · 31/12/2010 11:49

hideous, know what you mean, admire you for making yourself clear. same is assumed of me.

Original poster
tallwivglasses · 31/12/2010 11:53

Grin LadyBubba!

However this doesn't solve the problem of the collapsing porch. Anyone know any nice, non-bigotty builders in Newcastle?

OP posts:
LadyBubbaAndBump · 31/12/2010 11:54

On a less flippant note than my previous post - I find many white taxi drivers do assume I'll agree with their racist views but have always tell them I don't share their views, and we then sit in stony silence for the remainder ofthe journey and def. no tip.

sarah293 · 31/12/2010 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RobynLou · 31/12/2010 12:00

It's because although most people don't agree with their views, and find them offensive, they are too afraid of causing a ruckus by disagreeing, so they'll just go 'hmmm' and offer a very weak smile... so the racist is unaware of how out of touch their views are.

I sometimes just can't bear the thought of confrontation so have let comments like that from others slip by me in the past. The world would be a better place if everyone did what you did. well done.

ladysybil · 31/12/2010 12:02

i find the casual racism i see on facebook incredibly annoying too

JosieRosie · 31/12/2010 12:04

A friend of mine had to call someone to come fix her front door after someone tried to break in. The guy who turned up seemed alright and quite friendly until he started spewing his BNP-style views. My friend is half-Sri Lankan and quite clearly not white Confused She wanted to tell him to get the eff out of her house, but needed her door fixed!

Original poster
tallwivglasses · 31/12/2010 12:04

Aggravating, isn't it? What's sad is we can be chatting away and they seem canny enough, and then, say, a Muslim crosses the road and that's their cue to start with the vitriol.

I always say I disagree with them. Handing over many small coins or a £20 note for a £3 fare is my usual revenge!

OP posts:
NestaFiesta · 31/12/2010 12:06

My MIL whispers nhe was a "black man"" whenever she meets "one of them". She swears she's not "racialist". I cry into my hands sometimes.

JosieRosie · 31/12/2010 12:09

Nesta, my MIL will talk about 'dark people' as if they are aliens. I always struggle a bit with the older generation as I know in my MIL's case, it's not meant horribly and she does live in a very rural 100% white community. At the same time, I do think it's time she got with the program! I usually do correct her e.g. 'oh you mean black people' but it doesn't make any difference

TheBigZing · 31/12/2010 12:10

Oh this sort of thing makes my blood boil. Well done OP for speaking out.

I always try to politely disagree with people spewing racism too. with this one single exception: my new next door neighbours very sadly lost 2 babies to premature birth years ago, and have not tried for any more children. When they were telling me the story, the husband said that after the second child the doctor had told them they should try for another baby as soon as possible. My neighbour said "I nearly knocked the black bastard's head off." I was Shock but couldn't really challenge him on this in the middle of such a painful story. I've often wondered since whether this was true racism or just an (inappropriate) way of expressing his grief.

mutznutz · 31/12/2010 12:14

Did you question why he assumed the Landlord was Indian/Asian...and why did you assume he was being racist?

hairyfairylights · 31/12/2010 12:14

Totally with you, OP.

It shocks the hell out of me quite regularly how people seem to be 'casually' racist (although I still hold that there is no such thing - you either are or you aren't).

I'm a CEO and a very junior member of staff made several racist comments in front of me the other day - the 'p' word,and saying 'they'll do anything for money' and harping on about foreign lorry drivers, who shouldn't be in this country anyway, and should learn English.

I pointed out that actually, we are all people, and we all have the same need to provide for our families, and I think that hard work is an admirable trait.

He will also be being put on disciplinary action, as it is never acceptable to speak that way in a working environment (or any other) and provided with some 'equalities' training in the new year.

mutznutz · 31/12/2010 12:21

I still don't understand why you assumed he was racist OP...unless there was more to the conversation perhaps? Smile

Punkatheart · 31/12/2010 12:24

It makes my heart drop. My family is Indian..but I am very pale. I let people rant and reveal their bigotry, just before I tell them my ancestry. I hope I embarass them. It makes me angry too and you were great to stand up to such comments.

It's stupidity and fear. But it makes me sad and bloody furious too.

Original poster
tallwivglasses · 31/12/2010 12:36

mutznutz - he sneered. Maybe you had to be there.

And no, I didn't go into why he assumed the landlord was Asian.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 31/12/2010 12:40

Oh right well if he 'sneered' then I suppose it may have been obvious if we were there. I'm just thinking his comment alone doesn't sound particularly racist to me...you know like if say most Landlords in the area were Asian, then it would be a fair assumption.

Original poster
tallwivglasses · 31/12/2010 12:43

So why make it? What difference does it make to how likely he'll be to agree to the repairs?

OP posts:
Lovecat · 31/12/2010 12:45

Mutz, it was racist because he was assuming that Asian landlords neglect their properties. Not sure why you can't see that.

Well done OP, hope you find someone to fix your door soon!

mutznutz · 31/12/2010 12:46

Tallwivglasses, I can only guess but perhaps Asian Landlords in that particular area don't have a great reputation for the upkeep of their properties?

Of course it's all guess work on my part...not knowing the area but from reading the OP alone, I got the impression that she was saying she hates people assuming she's racist..and she then went on to assume the builder was based on his one question Smile

Original poster
tallwivglasses · 31/12/2010 12:48

Ahem. What Lovecat said. Hmm

OP posts:
sixpercenttruejedi · 31/12/2010 12:49

The assumption that bad/indifferent landlord = obviously Indian/Asian is very obviously racist.
Do you make similar comments mutznutz? Is that why you don't want to see the racism?

MainlyMaynie · 31/12/2010 12:50

"I can only guess but perhaps Asian Landlords in that particular area don't have a great reputation for the upkeep of their properties?"

Grouping people and assuming they have certain negative characteristics because of their race is racist. Therefore he was being racist.