To be pissed off that strangers assume I'm racist?

[tallwivglasses]

I need a new porch (about £3,500-worth of work ) and a builder came and looked at it this morning.

As some of the wood on next door's adjoining porch is rotting, he asked me if the neighbours would be amenable to paying for the repair of their side. I replied it was a rented house and the landlord had ignored me in the past but wasn't too bad. 'Ah', he sneered, 'Indian, Asian by any chance?'

I replied 'Yes, but I'm not racist and I don't employ racists. Goodbye'.

So he lost the work. Idiot. It's the same with a lot of taxi drivers - harder to escape from those unfortunately but they don't get a tip.

Why do people automatically assume I'm going to agree with their hateful, bigotted views?

[grin}

YANBU - I've had similar issues and when I've put them straight I've had various responses - Oh, you're one of them
Wink, wink, of course love etc

Elf...I think that's rather simple view. Culture has an influence on everything, certainly tight knit immigrant communities have similarities.

I grew up in an area full of Italians, they were identifiable as Italians, not just by name, the way they looked but also by common values.

Alright, how about this? All the shit landlords I have ever had have been white people - they really have. One left us with a flooded kitchen for a week as refused to get pipes fixed. Another used to come round and knock down walls etc.

Based on this, I am going to assume that anyone with a poorly-repaired house has a white landlord. Is that fair? I'm going to go around saying "white landlord eh?".

If there were also brilliant Asian landlords you may perfer an Asian right?

Neeeoooooooooo - just because I knew of some landlords who were brilliant, and Asian, I wouldn't think it was their Asian-ness that made them brilliant. So I wouldn't think "must find a house with an Asian landlord", because that's irrelevant. I would think "must find a house with a landlord who's not a tosser regardless of age/weight/colour/sex/sandwich preference" etc. I.e. look for a relevant characteristic (recomendations from friends etc for being a good landlord) rather than an irrelevant one.

Good post Elfpants.

Really....well culture obviously means nothing then. Ever been to India to decide that everyone the world over is the same? Or anywhere for that matter?

TFP - what do you mean by your last post?

Magic....So there's no obvious culture in India then?

It's just so bizarre to think that anyone is racist who notices that particular cultures have similar themes/qualities.

EG. My friend has adopted a Chinese orphan, she is bringing her up in NY. I know that this little girl's culture is American, yet her race is Chinese. She would be very different to an American Jew (which the family are) raised by a Chinese family in China. CULTURE.

Magic....My analogy is not landlord based...so direct your comments elsewhere.

But in what way do you mean 'different'? That is what I don't understand feministparent.

I agree that being part of a culture will involve certain traditions but it does not endow people with good or bad qualities surely? eg. honesty, generosity, etc.

What a load of crap. Immigrants can hold onto to culture very firmly. And there are recognisable traits in most cultures. Why bother going to India at all if it weren't to experience something different. You should have just stayed in England.

All women are crap at science.

All asians are tight landlords.

Is it right to generalise in either case? A reasonable remark to make to a potential contract holder with no knowledge of the individual woman or asian person? Sure, there are trends to some things, but assuming a person will fit into that trend without knowing a thing about them is surely a preceding factor to discrimination/sexism/racism. And if the OP perceived that the builder sneered then I'm guessing she had non-verbal cues that showed her his intent.

Of course culture has an impact on people's behaviour - just as it has an impact on women and their role in their own societial setting. But that doesn't mean you can assume that the gender or racial background of a person means that they've a) been brought up in a certain way, b) are a part of that community now or c) aren't completely different as an individual to the trends of that culture. We don't know if the landlord in question just arrived in the country, or was brought up in a very 'english' way by a mixed race family. Neither does the builder; why generalise in that way without having the actual information you need to make a personal judgment on that individual?

I think it's great that the OP refused to give him business on the basis of him feeling comfortable expressing those views to her. I'd do the same if someone expressed racist or sexist views to me in that position.

I was at the train station the other day, earphones in, watching something on my phone, minding my own business when a woman comes out of nowhere and says, "I get so infuriated when I see a white woman who's a muslim".

I wanted to say "What fucking business is it of yours what religion she is?", but I figured if I engaged her, she'd never shut up, so I ignored her.

FP In your last post you talk about 'recognisable traits'.

What do you mean?

This will now be my third question to you.