To be pissed off that strangers assume I'm racist?

[tallwivglasses]

I need a new porch (about £3,500-worth of work ) and a builder came and looked at it this morning.

As some of the wood on next door's adjoining porch is rotting, he asked me if the neighbours would be amenable to paying for the repair of their side. I replied it was a rented house and the landlord had ignored me in the past but wasn't too bad. 'Ah', he sneered, 'Indian, Asian by any chance?'

I replied 'Yes, but I'm not racist and I don't employ racists. Goodbye'.

So he lost the work. Idiot. It's the same with a lot of taxi drivers - harder to escape from those unfortunately but they don't get a tip.

Why do people automatically assume I'm going to agree with their hateful, bigotted views?

Also OP YANBU. Good on you.

"Some women may play games around consent because of how they've been brought up."

Nope....this plain and simply wrong.

course it's wrong - doesn't mean that cultural expectations don't lead individuals to do things. As you've been saying. If women have been brought up with the idea that they are the gatekeepers when it comes to sex, and that they should be playing hard to get, or are given confusing messages about their own sexuality it can be hard to overcome those things. Just as it may be hard for some Chinese people who have been brought up in a culture in which looking 'bad' for certain reasons is far worse than it would be in a different cultural setting.

To apply either to all women, or all Chinese people is ridiculous. I realise that isn't what you are saying - but is allowing those stereotypes to continue to pass without challenge, or letting racist/sexist individuals believe that their ideas are acceptable to the majority is what allows them to continue to be seen as socially acceptable views to hold?

Hi all, I was a little reluctant to revive this thread after it seemed to die a natural yet surreal death a few hours ago...but I see it goes on...

I came back because I didn?t want to be one of those ?ignite the touch-paper and run? ? type posters!

I should?ve known better than to start this (nightmare-flashback to ?gollies? soon after I first fell into mn). I was just so angry at the time and there was no-one in RL to rant to!

Before the comment in question, me and the builder, we?d had a great chat: how old was the house, did I want him to try and retain original features, etc. I liked him ? so that comment was all the more of a let-down.

I love it in AIBU when OP?s are gradually, and often entertainingly, swayed by the mn jury. Well ? that hasn?t happened in this case, despite several postings by a persistent few. I haven?t been persuaded by those arguments (or insults) at all.

I could have asked AIBU to not employ this man? Maybe I should have asked AIBU that because we?d had a nice conversation about old houses I was right to assume he wouldn?t be a racist?

• But it was his assumption that I?d automatically ?get? him, agree with him, that we?d maybe have a bit of a pally chit-chat about shite Asian landlords (and god knows what else) that got me riled, so I posted about that.

What made me glad I did, is that lots of you took time on NYEve to post your positive/negative experiences and say ?Well done?. Cheers. And to the eloquent and admirable mnetters out there who take on those few DP-alikes, respect is due. I?m watching and learning!

This time last year, I?d never heard of mn...Happy New year x

OP you may as well have posted....aren't I wonderful, please come and tell me I am.

the feminist' - would LOVE to know what you typed that was worthy of being deleted........:)

Yes - you did a good thing OP.

Not so sure about the "I Did It My Way" speech though.

A plethora of racist terms I expect, as clearly shown in all my other posts.

And just to clarify I was not talking about all whatever....I was simply saying that within parts of the country certain attitudes and shared values are apparent. To deny people, especially immigrants, recognition of shared values and attitudes is to deny them their own culture. I can't imagine telling a group of Somalians that they are indistinguishable from the white British family that they live next door to.

As a very white man with a shaved head I can totally relate. Any time I get into a conversation with someone who is white and british and racist, they will always assume I am racist too.

Makes me wonder if non-white people automatically assume I'm going to be a racist too, but it's just because I'm bald! Honestly!

Animation - 'I did it my way' speech.

It does come across as a bit smug in the cold light of day, sorry about that!

At work once, someone started telling Irish jokes. then someone else said "do you know so and so is Irish" (me) insinuating that they should not tell the joke. It wound me up, I said "tell the joke I don't care". It is patronising to assume that someone who is of a certain background will get offended by a joke or remark.

My brother in law is always bigging up Turkey, and I'm alreadys rebuking him, we've got along fine for many years, but then I let him talk nonsense, and I nearly always reply with nonsense! We must be allowed free speech. My Jewish neighbour informed me that "jews were useless at football, thats why they are not in professional football, and also that they were too small etc;" I said "your son is a very good footballer whose not been encouraged". We are good freinds, I would hate to keep picking people up on their speech, whoever does this will alienate people and have very few freinds.

The Butterly Effect:

I have a Wallace nose - it's kind-of flat and looks like it was broken.

And freckles.
I could do without the freckles.

Shut up missus - you're gorgeous!

"A plethora of racist terms I expect, as clearly shown in all my other post" - TheFeministParent

MNHQ must running on a skeleton crew at the moment due to xmas week. It only takes a report or two and posts are gone.

I read your post - absolutely nothing wrong with it.

OP - why post on AIBU if you are unwilling to even consider that YABU?

In our square the worst kept house is owned by a white person but all the other white people never mention it or excuse it but if anything is less than perfect with the Indian's houses it is pointed out immediately. If any of the white people do anything for the square like prune trees it is praised by all but if any of the Indians/non whites do it is ignored at best and at worst discredited as being done in an incompetent way (even when done well). The square has a company to deal with common land but even though equal shares are held by all the houses the white people never nominate the Indians to be directors. Of course if one points out that this is racist one is shouted down and all sorts of 'reasons' given for the situation.

Racism affects perception and that is the biggest worry of all- it is the invisible man syndrome.

i think one of the main causes for racism is that people don't properly mix with each other enough. there is too much suspicion on both sides as they they are too culturally different and thus feel like strangers. if only people mixed more they would get to know and thus understand each other more and thus the barriers between them would probably down down, if not a little at least. really sad and frustrating. people often feel more comfortable living 'amongst their own' as it is familiar but underneath we are all the same and should be able to live happily side by side. blimey, i sound like a right hippy :0)

ccp - I did consider it and I read every post, I just wasn't persuaded.

blimey mutznutz with all your '' and ........... and the rest you really remind me of someone!

After readin g all this I still do not think the builder was racist. We are all allowed an opinion.

To be honest all people (of all races and religions) have some prejudices against those who are different to them. But it's rightly accepted in the uk that all people have the right to be treated with equal respect despite their differences.

People sneer at being 'too PC' yet at a basic level being 'PC' is about using language that does not demean or dehumanise others. If you are intelligent enough to realise what the correct terms are yet refuse to use them, then you are rude and racist.
If you think it's clever to insult others then that's nasty.
That builder was being racist. Reminds me of a night shift when a colleague said of a rude patient, 'i bet he's a jew'. So i told her that my nan is jewish which shut her up..but made me feel horrible knowing those are her views.

A previous poster remarked about a builder who quoted high for work to some races. TBH I do the same thing as I know that OFTEN BUT NOT ALWAYS I will be in a Dutch auction with other providers and dont need the hassle and if I win the business the profit margin will not be worth the work involved.

I dont consider this to be racist and is based upon a lot of experience.

Funnyperson. Are you living in Albert Square?

Funnyperson. Perhaps if you pointed out that the Indian people are not nominated as directors and ask "why don't you nominate Mrs. So and So, Now I no she can be a pain..." Do it in a funny way to break the ice.
When my father ran for chair of his estate, I knew people (correct myself 'some') did not want him because he was Irish, but my father would say"I'm putting myself forward to you lot! Foreign or not!"

mycounty your dad sounds like he has got comman sense. Well done to your dad.