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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DS 3 years old to play on Call of Duty

34 replies

debs227 · 30/12/2010 18:57

aagghhhh, sorry in advance but i am very annoyed!

I left my DS 3 yrs old with his grandparents whilst myself, DH and DD went to do the food shopping. We thought it would be a treat for him as he really doesn't like food shopping.

Anyway i pick him up and he is really eager to say "mummy........i didn't play on anything" to which his grandma then feels she needs to explain that his Aunty and cousin (11 yrs old) took him back to their house and his Uncle was playing on Call of Duty but they turned it off.

Anyway in the car DS carries on and explains that he was actually playing on the game and shooting people (on the TV) with a gun in his hand and his cousing was helping him.

I am fuming!!! There is so much wrong with this and i feel very upset that they have told DS to lie to me.

Please tell me i an being reasonable for being upset, DH has gone up the wall and i wish i hadn't told him now.

OP posts:

confusedeasterbunny · 30/12/2010 18:58

What's wrong with it?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/12/2010 18:58

YANBU and WHY is his 11 year old cousin playing it too?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/12/2010 18:59

confused it has an 18 certificate.

existenceisfutile · 30/12/2010 19:00

No YANBU at all.

The 11 year old shouldn't have even been playing it, let alone your ds.

I banned my ds1 from going to a friend's house because his family let them play Grand Theft Auto at the age of about 9.

oska · 30/12/2010 19:01

You are quite right to have told DH - he needs to be part of all the parental issues too. Thank goodness he had the right reaction!! It's wrong for a young mind to not only see, but partake in violence like this, even if just on a 'game'. It's crap like this that turns out all the delinquents. Don't take your child there again unless you are 100% sure he will not be exposed to this. This is REALLY important, don't underestimate this so called 'harmless' fun.

teddies · 30/12/2010 19:03

I would be at least as concerned that they have clearly told him not to tell you. No-one should tell a child that something is a secret from its mother. You need to tell your child that, in an age-appropriate way. And you need to make it clear to your relations that you don't want your ds playing those games, and if they persist, then they will not see him on his own.

taintedsnow · 30/12/2010 19:03

YANBU, not one little bit.

HappyHECmanay · 30/12/2010 19:04

my god.

first of all that a 3 yr old was allowed, encouraged and helped to play a violent, 18+ game and secondly that they knew it was wrong and tried to coach him to lie to you!

Desensetization to violence is one of the reasons this place is going to hell in a handcart. Normalisation of murder through play is not good for society.

Original poster

debs227 · 30/12/2010 19:05

These are my in-laws by the way and so my DH's family & sister.

What annoys me the most is that i left him with his grandparents where i know he is safe, but his Aunty then took him to her house without my knowledge and allowed him to play on this game. I have never even been to her house but i know that both her partner and DS's cousin play video games most of the time.

I don't want DH to fall out with his family.

OP posts:

MsKLo · 30/12/2010 19:06

Agree with oska

And it is disgusting they made him lie - and distrusting for an eleven year old to be playing it let alone a three year old - sOme people are so irresponsible (them of course, not you)

You need to tell them how much you disagre with this and I am afraid you can't trust them with your DS as they made him lie as they knew you would disapprove but they didn't give a crap

brokeoven · 30/12/2010 19:06

shudder.....

jeez,i would be furious.
could not NOT say anything, completely innapropriate.

the language in it i believe is shocking.

So are you going to say anything to the family members who allowed this?
How approachable are they?

Hassled · 30/12/2010 19:08

I would go ballistic. That is just beyond shit.

Original poster

debs227 · 30/12/2010 19:12

thanks, i am really angry.

They know i don't agree with my nephew (the 11 year old) playing these games but they don't seem to care. He gets into alot of trouble at school and i really don't want DS to have that as an example.

I think i will have to say somethin but i cannot trust them to go along with what i ask. They just seem to do what they like and feel that it is ok

OP posts:

existenceisfutile · 30/12/2010 19:20

does you ds have to spend time with these people? Can't you just not let them look after him anymore?

You really need to say something and lay some ground rules.

oska · 30/12/2010 19:28

If DH has to fall out with his family over this, then so be it. You can't keep the peace at the detriment to your son's development. It's quite right what Happy says about these things desensitizing kids. That's why kids kick heads in to the death these days, rather than a quick fight like when I was a kid. And no wonder the nephew has issues...
Take him out of this toxic situation, sounds like your husband will back you. Good luck and stand your ground, you won't regret it.

Original poster

debs227 · 30/12/2010 20:13

I think i will have to say something, although i think they know what the response would be given that they told DS not to tell me.
DH has probably by now already had words with his sister.

Sis - in -law helps out alot with my DD as she walks her to school and picks her up on the days i work (2 days a week). DS is at a separate nursery all day (not within walking distance) and so i collect and pick him up thank goodness. Neither of them work, sis-in-law or her partner which is a big bugbear of DH who frequently says they are lazy!!

She never takes DD to her house and we are never invited around, maybe i should call round one day.

So no i suppose i could stop the contact if i had to.

OP posts:

Ephiny · 30/12/2010 20:19

YANBU, that sort of game is completely inappropriate for a 3 year old, I doubt he would even understand what was going on or be able to play it properly anyway. Not so good for the 11 year old either.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/12/2010 20:20

Rather than have words with them, could you tell the GP what has happened and what the game is like? I think most GPs would be shocked to find their 11 year old GS playing it never mind a 3 year old. Tell them and ask that DS doesn't leave their house when he's in their care without your say so.

Maybe you should call around one day too.

Ephiny · 30/12/2010 20:23

I would also be a bit annoyed that they obviously said 'don't tell mummy we did this' - no one should be encouraging him to keep secrets from you especially at that age!

mamas12 · 30/12/2010 20:29

Your dh wouldn't be falling out with his family.
They have already done it to your family.
How dare they.

You are totally in the right here and you both know it. So it might mean a cooling of your relationship for a time but so what.
Your son is more important.

MrsCratchit · 30/12/2010 20:32

YADNBU. There are currently 5 30yo men playing it in my living room. Frankly I'm not even sure it's suitable for them...

tribpot · 30/12/2010 20:40

I've never played or seen it - isn't it the one where you can choose to be 9/11 style terrorists or something? Whatever it is, as an 18 rated game it is supremely inappropriate to your ds, and theirs.

At 3 I'm sure he had not the faintest idea what was going on (although disturbed to hear it has bad language too) - more of a worry is they tried to get him to lie to you about it. Of course it backfired as a 3 year old basically can't lie, hence why he told you eagerly "I didn't play on anything". Encouraging lying is absolutely horrible.

Actuallawyer · 30/12/2010 21:54

YANBU

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 30/12/2010 22:03

at MrsCratchit

YADNBU OP. Personally I wouldn't cause a fuss (for the sake of family harmony), but I wouldn't ever leave DS unsupervised with these people again.

UnderTheRadar2212 · 30/12/2010 22:08

My son is now 19.

He has a PS from the age of 3 (it was PS1 in those days), he was allowed to play whatever games he wanted to.

The reason?

He was taught from a very early age that games on a screen on a machine are PRETEND...... they are not real and have no bearing on real life FFS!

He has grown up into a well adjusted individual, through adequate parental guidance!.

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