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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take our DC to swimming lessons or am i just being lame?

28 replies

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 29/12/2010 20:39

I am 8 months pregnant and have 2 DC age 4 and 2. A swimming teacher was recommended ages ago but only had a space on monday lunch times. I loathe the whole swmming pool business but I do appreciate that it's important that we can all swim! I THOUGHT that DH said that he wouldn't mind taking them if it was at the weekend.

Anyway - the swmming guy has said that he has a space on sunday lunchtimes and as I say, I'm now 8 months pregnant. The 2 year old would certainly need DH or I in the pool with him but he would teach them both together in a double session.

I told DH he had a space and he said that he wasn't sure he wanted to commit to lessons every sunday so i said I understand and that it would be him that took them so it's up to him. He said he would assume that we would do alternate weeks but he's still not happy to commit.

In my current state and breast feeding a baby (which we know has cardiac issues already), it hadn't occurred to me that I should participate BUT that could be because I loathe swimming pools .

The end result is that the kids are not going to have lessons - I can't possibly do it without at least some of DHs help bearing in mind the ages of our DC plus new baby on the way so I can't set something up in the week for them.

Now am I just being crap by not wanting to take them swimming or should i pursue it? What's the minimum age we should be getting the older one going properly? We do go to the pool occasionally as a family but not very often at all.

OP posts:

RoundRobyn · 29/12/2010 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singarainbow · 29/12/2010 20:43

YANBU. Dont be too hard on yourself. It's not compolsory to send your kids to lessons. In our area they can go to lesson unsupervised (by parents) in the water from aged 3. Maybe you should look into that if you want the older one to go, and let the younger one wait, until its more pratical for your family.

llareggub · 29/12/2010 20:44

For me, learning to swim is one of those lifeskills that is non-negotiable. Both my sons have been in swimming lessons from an early age, first in a mother and baby type session and now they go in alone.

I have a 4 year old who goes in alone and I would have thought it would be quite difficult to teach a 4 year old and a 2 year old in the same lesson. My 2 year old has a very different lesson to my 4 year old. The 2 year old's session is far more play based whereas the 4 year old is doing quite different skill based activities.

almostmadeitto2011 · 29/12/2010 20:45

Our local pool does swimming lessons from 3 - that don't have a parent in with them.

Personally I loathe swimming as well, so I waited until mine were 3 and could do those lessons :)

So if it was me I would be putting the 3 and 5 year old in for lessons and sitting in the cafe overlooking pool with 1 year old.

YANBU!!!

AnyoneforTurps · 29/12/2010 20:45

Your DH can teach them to doggy-paddle so that they are safe(r) near water and they can have lessons when they're a bit older. They don't need proper lessons at this stage.

charliesmommy · 29/12/2010 20:45

There is no minimum age, but it really is the sooner the better to get a child confident and aware of the dangers of water.

Is there a relative who would enjoy taking them perhaps?

I would be a peed off with my OH if he wasnt willing to commit to something as important as his kids learning to do something which could potentially save their lives.

More important than ever now that the days of a little shallow paddling pool are gone, and many people have blow up pools the size of a small lake in their gardens!

dementedma · 29/12/2010 20:46

none of my DCs had formal lessons ever and they can all swim now. Don't beat yourself up about it. DS can't ride a bike yet and he's 8 but he'll no doubt get there in his own sweet time

llareggub · 29/12/2010 20:46

Forgot to add, in your shoes I'd definitely put your 4 year old in. Your 2 year old won't suffer if he doesn't swim yet.

We enjoy swimming as a family, and I grew up by the coast so many weekend activities were based around the sea, so swimming was essential really.

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 29/12/2010 20:48

Thank you for all your replies. I have dismissed them going separately from when i was trying to make it work in the week. The 2 year old LOVES water and couldn't possibly stand there watching as he'd want to be in the water too.

BUT if it's at the weekend then he could stay with the other parent. So if I was taking the 4 year old I would just have the baby with me too which would be ok as we'd be watching and not in the water.

That doesn't solve DHs lack of desire to commit to weekly sessions - perhaps he will change his mind at some point.

OP posts:

MumNWLondon · 29/12/2010 20:50

I have a 7 YO and a 4 YO (and 8 month old).

I took them swimming as babies but started lessons for DD at 3.5 years. Started taking DS1 to lessons at 3 years, but he made little progress until around his 4th birthday.

They have lessons once a week and I take them another time as well.

Comments on your post:

I am not convinced that you can teach a 4 YO and a 2 YO at the same time, I think it would be ok for a 4YO and a 6YO to learn together though.

I think a good time to start swimming lessons is around age 4-5. At that age you don't have to be in the water with them.

There is little point in paying for lessons unless you are going to go as a family (because progress would be slow etc). Bearing in mind the new baby (which you say has cardiac issues) I would have thought better to wait until the baby is a little bigger.

FWIW we had lessons on a sunday it worked well as I took DD and DS1 (every week) DH stayed at home with DS2. I think DH went the week DS2 was 1 week old, but I went after that.

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 29/12/2010 20:51

good idea to wait until the 2 year old is 3 (in the summer) and more confident in doing things without me being there. Though I would be, just on the other side of the glass!

OP posts:

MumNWLondon · 29/12/2010 20:54

at our pool they let children have lessons without parent in the pool from 3rd birthday - def makes it easier with baby.

pointythings · 29/12/2010 20:55

I second waiting until age 4 for more formal swimming lessons - my DDs both started the term they turned 4, we didn't have to be in the water with them and they flew through the stages - were confident with three strokes over 100 metres by age 6, and I didn't do supervised mother and baby sessions with either of them, just took them myself (or DH did)

I'd be a bit about DH not wanting to commmit to a couple of hours every Sunday, I do think swimming is an essential life skill.

LionsAreScary · 29/12/2010 20:58

I think if you can afford swimming lessons, then YAB a bit U to Never send them. But they are only 4 and 2, so there is no hurry. Start them in a year or two when your baby is born and robust enough for you to feel confident leaving him/her.

In my family, DS1 started lessons aged 5 and one year on is a confident swimmer. DH's parents couldn't afford lessons when he was a child but he learnt to swim through odd visits, and as an adult is a very strong swimmer.

compo · 29/12/2010 20:59

Tbh I'm not surprised your dh doesn't want to commit to every Sunday lunchtime taking the kids swimming
it's a crap time to go because it means no Sunday days out, seeing friends, Sunday lunches, cinema, weekend away etc etc

wait until they're older and you've had your baby and see how you feel

whoneedssleepanyway · 29/12/2010 21:00

Our DDs currently have swimming lessons on a Sunday. DD1 (nearly 4) goes in the pool on her own and DD2 has either DH or me with her. To be honest I woulnd't really bother with DD2's lessons other than DD1 is there half an hour after. DD1 started lessons at 3.5 years and has done fine. It is a pain though having them every Sunday....

Littlefish · 29/12/2010 21:01

Your dh is being an arse.

Why won't he commit to taking them once a week? Does he usually dodge responsibilities like this?

GrumpyEbeneezerScroogeGit · 29/12/2010 21:03

I'm with almostmadeitto2011 - wait til they're 5 & 3 so they can go in on their own. Then you get half an hour by the pool with your littlest - with 3 dcs this to me is time off chilling out with only one child to look after!

deckthehallswithvagolaJahooli · 29/12/2010 21:03

I started formal swimming lessons at 5 as did all my siblings, we have all competed successfully at club level and I still compete in open water triathlons so I consider myself quite confident.

Your husband could take them on an ad hoc basis on the weekends, there a few books on how to teach your child to swim, my DH did this with my DS1 & he is very confident in the water and swims quite well. You may also be interested to know that my DH does this even though he didn't learn to swim until he was 18! However, I would suggest leaving it that late

Also many schools teach swimming in sport. I had a friend whose 2 girls hated swimming so she didn't push the swimming lesson thing onto them and now they do it through school and swim quite well.

MumNWLondon · 29/12/2010 21:04

I agree about sunday lessons being a pain, have just changed to after school. Initially thought sunday less of a pain as baby can stay at home with DH, but now have come to conclusion (because its annoying having comittment every sunday) that would rather go after school even if it means need to take baby with.

compo · 29/12/2010 21:04

Saturday mornings wouldn't bother me
Sunday lunchtime is a crap time

Original poster

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 29/12/2010 21:07

I agree that sunday lunch time is dreadful. perhaps i'll leave it until they're older, i'm not pregnant and we know baby is all sorted and ok and then I find a mid week slot.

OP posts:

spongecakelover · 29/12/2010 21:11

They're still pretty young and it seems as though you're going to have far more pressing things to deal with! DS1 has only just started regular swimming age 4 and has no issues with water confidence etc. He goes in unaccompanied. My DS2 (2yo) comes along to the pool for the lesson and we just sit together and read, or do a little puzzle or something. And sometimes he just bombs around and I chat to the other mums. There was a bit of a jealous freak out at first but then he got used to it and will have his turn when he's a bit older.

Like I say, they're still really young. You're not being crap at all. Just realistic!

welshbyrd · 29/12/2010 21:24

Swimming lesson here - dont need an adult in with them, infact the instructors are in the water with them.
My DS , just passed his stage 2 swimming assessment recently, I was so thrilled, had to mention it, he has dyspraxia, and all he school activities he isnt to great at. He"s a fab swimmer though , has changed his life, he is finally get good results, from something he has worked hard for. Him grinning in the car on the way home from his last lesson, saying"im really impressed with myself mum" Jeez, got me welling up here

pointythings · 29/12/2010 21:40

Oh Welshbyrd, that is just lovely

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