to want to sack the godparents?

[gotonenow]

Hello everybody and happy Christmas (belated)! So, I was just wondering about Godparents. This is the situation. I was never bothered about our kids having them. I have always thought that they would probably have adults in their life apart from us but I couldn't predict now who they would be and selecting individuals as godparents wouldn't necessarily mean that those people turned out to be the important ones. Are you with me? We are also not Christian and the kids aren't Christened. However, as it turns out the Godparents have largely turned out to crap in most directions but particularly in the one area where they might have made an effort when the kids are young which is, I guess, giving presents. And having not wanted them in the first place I am now surprisingly hurt about that! I don't know why but I am taking it very personally indeed! Am I being unreasonable about this?

But when they are in their late teens and away at university being visited by their supporting adults/mentors I'll lay you £5 to a packet of peanuts that they introduce them as a "godparent" or at least "sort-of godparent".

I think what this illustrates is the problem of appointing god parents. If there is no religious reason, (and actually, even if there is), there's no knowing, ahead of time, who will show your child particular favour of support, or what for that will take. Often this just evolves.

I agree with cupcakebearer - it's often more an acknowledgment of a friendship that the parent has with someone. I agree that children benifit from mentors, or from people who show them particular love or supprot, but sometimes this comes from unlikely sources, often people the child has sought out themselves

'Codparent' would be good

I hate to argue with the great god Wikipedia but I think this:

"Traditionally, godparents were informally responsible for ensuring the child's religious education was carried out, and for caring for the child should it be orphaned."

is balls.

Godparents are traditionally formally responsible for the ensuring the child's religious education is carried out. That's what they are for. The person who cares for a child should it be orphaned is a guardian, not the godparents, although sometimes they may be the same person, it is not, nor has it ever been, a given that a godparent will take over the upbringing of a child.

Re - the role of the Godparent, OP. You say you did not expect gifts . . . and that you are not religious so you did not expect them to have any religious input into your children's development. So is the job just, um, worship of and attention to your DCs?

What is it that you think the Godparents are actually getting from being Godparents to your children? I mean, what's in it for them? (For example: religious Godparents think that religion is important and see a godparent role as their duty, so that's what's in it for them - fulfilling an aspect of their Christian Duty, dull as this sounds and often is.)

Do you think your Godparents will mind being "sacked" from what appears to be a meaningless role to all concerned?

I am starting to think this is the most pointless thread I have ever read on here.

"I have asked some people to do something pointless that I don't believe in and think unnecessary. They agreed and have done nothing. I am annoyed that they have done nothing although there is nothing I want them to do. Am I therefore being unreasonable to tell them to do nothing with no title, rather than letting them continue to do nothing while revelling in the title of Godparents?"

• is that about it?

< boggles >

< goes to find something useful to do >

I think part of the problem is the ambiguity with the role yes, absolutely. I don't think it IS clear at all what role they are meant to play. And also with the present thing whatever I said in my hastily written OP I really really don't care about the presents, it's the fact that other godchildren are getting them and mine are not. Absolutely, I feel insecure and paranoid I guess about the nature of our friendships.

YABU

you don't believe in god but you want the perks? You are also expecting a relationship to be profitable which is cold and not nice.

Jeez, unintelligible typing. My first para. should read:

"I think what this illustrates is the problem of appointing god parents. If there is no religious reason, (and actually, even if there is), there's no knowing, ahead of time, who will show your child particular favour or support, or what form that will take. Often this just evolves.

Neither I or my parents are religious, but I have godparents and they have always, for every sinngle one of my thirty seven Christmases, given me shit presents.

I wouldn't worry about it.

X posted with your last post OP. Maybe you are on to something. It's about you not about your DCs.

Talk to them.

Wow, having another adult take an interest in and measure of responsibility for your child is a "perk" of believing in god? How does that work, exactly?

Modparents ... if they like The Who.

Sodparents ... for stroppy teenagers

Are they bona fide godparents to the "other" children and/or related to them ?

i have a silver charm bracelet and my godmother sent a silver charm every year to add to it. i have it still,no idea what to do with it,never wore it

I can't remember which book it was, maybe Brideshead Revisited, but I recall an amusing scene where the Godparents were chosen on the basis of how generous they were with their presents.

Could it be that the Godparents think they have been chosen for this reason and are a bit peed off?

(I am religious and one of my Godparents is a vicar's wife - my Mum's best friend - after whom I am also named. Never even had a birthday card that I can remember! It would have been nice to have had a card from her when I was confirmed, although I guess she would probably have sent one if my Mum had told her. Just to show you that religious Godparents can be a bit - meh - as well.)

BigBangparents ?

I still have my godson's gift under my tree! I haven't seen him yet!

Wadparents if they are wealthy.

Very good Eeyore!

What you are saying is understandable

If they agreed to be 'godparents' they should treat all
Their godchildren the same and give yours pressies too

Out of interest, were the other godchildren Christened 'properly' - I mean in a church (dOnt meant to take away from your christening by saying properly but hopefully you get what I mean!)

I think secular godparent roles do exist - I think we hope to provide our children with mentors who aren't us, for their lives... My DS has "Secular Auxiliar Parents" or SAPs, for short. When we asked them we made it clear it was about interest, not presents. I also asked them to do the traditional role of godparents thing (spiritual education) but for the child of an atheist. Moral/ethical education, perhaps - equal rights, gay rights, progressive values, that sort of thing. In fact, I said "look, my brother will raise our son if we die in a car crash and he's a good man and a lovely dad BUT he's a believing Christian who's a bit politically different to us. So if we die in a car crash can you keep a close eye on my DS and tell him what we were like and maybe take him out to tea once or twice a year and ask him about his life?"

We chose a man and woman who are close friends of ours and people we thought of as a great role model for DS - they're very interesting, very kind, very loving people. And they, like us, don't do God.

We also use the term Oddparents, or NoGodparents. I think, OP, I would feel sad if they stopped showing an interest in GS (though neither has produced a present, they DO show an interest) because they were pleased to be asked and accepted the role. So I don't think YABU, actually.

godparents of any sort have no legal obligation. and are not 'entitled' to be involved with the childs upbringing should the bio parents die

in eyes of the law godparents are nothing

Ipodparents ... would help with the gift-giving thing