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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hugely annoyed with my neighbour's party...

28 replies

nomoreheels · 29/12/2010 04:29

...which has just woke me up again with banging house music?

Neighbour, single mum, has two moody teens who look around 17-19 or so. I have issues with them sometimes because they love to play really loud music with the windows wide open when their mum isn't home, so I can't sit out unless I put up with the music. And they often sit outside in summer til late with their friends, drinking & being loud. Not being bad - just being loud. My bedroom backs onto their yard.

But tonight is the worst. I noticed them having a party - fine. It was pretty noisy & lots of bass so I had to try & sleep somewhere else for a while. (I'm 17 weeks P too, & really need quiet to sleep.)

At 3:30 am I woke up & DP thought the party had stopped (although they had kept him up for quite a while) so I went back to my normal bed.

3:45 am - banging dance music starts again!!! I look out the window & see the mum swanning around the kitchen, looking like she's just had a shower (her hair was in a towel) while the party continues around her. ???

I am really annoyed. A, it may be Christmas week but it's a Tuesday & most people will be back to work tomorrow. B, it feels like yet again they are forgetting they live in a little city terrace with lots of neighbours around them. C, if they do want to carry on late, I think you should keep the music down. D, it's not fair that I feel I can't sleep in my own bed & I have to wear earplugs.

I am seriously thinking we have to have a word tomorrow to let her know how much it disturbed us. AIBU to expect them to be more thoughtful?

OP posts:
GotArt · 29/12/2010 04:43

Its a bit insensitive to the neighbours to be going on this long, that loud. I feel for you. Ring the police. They're disturbing the peace.

AlexaMulberry · 29/12/2010 04:50

YANBU

It sounds like you have been a good patient neighbour but you have to draw the line somewhere!

Chil1234 · 29/12/2010 08:15

YANBU... noisy late-night parties, especially midweek, are simply antisocial. DP should really have gone round to complain at the time....

TyraG · 29/12/2010 08:16

YANBU, but why didn't you call the police?

Have you ever talked to the mom about the problem with the loud music and parties?

Needanewname · 29/12/2010 08:54

Find out the number for your local noise abatement and call them next time, (here the police don;t deal with things like that)

If they continually get called out they will confiscate any stereos and issue wanrnings.

We had problems with teenage neighbours for a number of years and gave up trying to be neighbourly about it all - doesn;t work.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 29/12/2010 08:55

Call the noise abatement people next time...they come round, measure the noise and then the police can deal.

taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 09:27

I could be wrong, but when you call the noise abatement team out, doesn't that have to be declared if you ever want to move? I assume you mean the council btw. Frankly, if I was looking to move, knowing that the neighbours are a pain in the backside with noise problems would put me off.

I would try to resolve the issue privately tbh. If you get nowhere with that, and the kids are still causing you distress, you may need to make your complaint official, but I wouldn't go there without at least trying to be neighbourly first.

How is your relationship with the mum? If you are on good terms, I would try having a gentle word with her. Stress that it's not the noise fullstop (even if it is) but it's the timing of it (midweek and very late).

Good luck. :)

Original poster
nomoreheels · 29/12/2010 09:47

Morning all, thanks for the comments. I was trying (fairly unsuccessfully) to get some sleep... Sad They didn't shut up til well after 5 AM and by then I just found it really hard to get some rest. I feel dreadful.

To answer your questions:

I didn't call the police as it's not my experience that they would come out for a party. There was nothing happening that they might deem serious enough (e.g. fighting) - it was just loud. They don't have parties like that one often enough for environmental health (I have dealt with them often when I lived in a flat in town!)

I didn't send DP round as we were both really tired and not feeling up to a there and then confrontation. He can be a bit timid about this sort of thing.

I am also thinking carefully how to handle this, as I want to maintain neighbourly relations, so I don't think having police turn up would help!

They are a nice enough family, they just have different ideas about noise and consideration towards neighbours I think, and her teens are going through a fairly typical moody stage. (She told me once that the particularly noisy teen was meant to live with his dad, but they regularly have big falling outs and he comes back to stay with her - I'm not surprised!) She also strikes me as a mum who is friends with all her DCs friends - she's quite young at heart and seems to have an open door policy as they often have large groups of friends round.

I have agreed generally with DP that we wouldn't say anything to them about party noise before midnight, and generally their outdoor gatherings do finish around 12:30. Annoying when you want to get to sleep at 10 PM, but...? I spoke to them once in the summer when they were having late night drinks outside, making a lot of noise talking and laughing (no music.) It was 2 AM and I told them they were keeping me up. To be fair, they called it a night (probably mainly because the mum was there with them) but the teens gave me looks like I was crazy.

More recently, one of the sons started playing really loud music at 11:30 PM out of the blue, and woke me up. He was up in the attic so I didn't think he would hear me banging at the front door, and it was so loud that the walls of his house were shuddering. I was livid. I think the mum must have been on a nightshift as even that must have been too much for her! The next day I noticed his friends out the back so I went and had a word. He apologised, although he looked fairly "what?" and sulky. I explained re: my bedroom window and hearing everything, esp bass - but I didn't really get the impression it had sunk in and he has played very loud music at random times since then.

I need to tell her that I am pregnant and finding the noise from music hard, whether it's parties they intend to have, or when she's not home and the son cranks up his stereo. I hope she will try to see it from my perspective. Hopefully I will be able to speak to her today once they all wake up.

I am a bit worried that they are going to stress me out when the baby comes in early June - I do not know how much sleep I'll be getting and I'll need to rest when I can!

OP posts:
taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 10:15

Do they own or rent? If they own, a gentle reminder that they would be tarred by complaints to environmental health might be enough for the mum to do something. If they rent, could you approach the leasing agent or landlord?

Of course, talking to the mum first (especially since you do seem to get on okay with her) would still be better for all concerned, but you do have options that don't involve police or council getting involved.

taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 10:16

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw! :)

Spinaroo · 29/12/2010 10:22

Chances are they are in bed right now. Could you turn on your music really loud and give the teens a taste of their own medicine? Teenagers won't appreciate your pain until they feel it themselves. Maybe you would find this too confrontational.

Original poster
nomoreheels · 29/12/2010 10:28

Thank you. :) It's a very exciting time, just hard too - I'm off work with stress & money is getting tight as sick pay dwindles, plus my grandmother passed in late November & I had to fly home for the funeral which was v emotional, & I found the travel so draining too. This is just one more stress I don't need!

I will definitely have a calm chat with her about it asap. I do think she isn't very bothered about noise - and she seems to have a somewhat casual approach to raising her teens - but I truly hope she will come around. I'd really prefer not to get Env Health involved.

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 29/12/2010 10:29

I'd second the putting your music on really loud, and then maybe pop round and ask if they can hear it, cos you could hear theirs at 5.00am!!!!

Maybe they have no idea how loud they are.

Original poster
nomoreheels · 29/12/2010 10:29

Ps they own. And yes I could play loud music now (we have a great stereo system) but it's not really the approach I want to take! :)

OP posts:
twoistwiceasmerry · 29/12/2010 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMonster · 29/12/2010 12:28

Personally, I would get onto the Environmental Health asap. Keep a record of the noise and times and insist the env health come out when you call the out of hours team.

5GoldenFimbos · 29/12/2010 12:38

I feel so sorry for you. There is nothing worse than late night noise. We had an issue with our new neighbours in the summer who let their teenage daughters have a party (whilst they went to friends round the corner!), I tried to approach the mum (had been friendly up until this point) and was told to "get a life".

MadamDeathstare · 29/12/2010 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Needanewname · 29/12/2010 14:10

I just don't get this. Whay leave it? Its stressing you out, you're already stressed, you've already said the mum doesn't seem to be bothered about loud music.

They're teenagers, so you really think they're suddenly going to become sympathetic once they know you're pregnant?

Environmental health will help, they (your neighbours) don;t need to know its you thats complained as its anonymous and if you live in a terrace it could be another neighbour.

I used to live in flats and the neighbours all complained about one family - did they ever bother to do anything about it no, they just complained - that drove me as nuts as the noisey family!!!

tinkertitonk · 29/12/2010 17:06

(1) Call the noise abatement people, as already suggested.

(2) Your DP should not confront them at the time, it might get all testosteroney. First thing in the morning while they're still sleepy or hungover, excellent.

(3) The nuclear option: Wagner. Richard, not the Brazilian idiot person from Yorkshire.

rupert1 · 29/12/2010 17:30

How terrible for you ,you really shoudnt be wondering wether to have a word or not .The fact is being loud like they have been in the back yard ,parties playing loud music etc if they or their mother were nice people and cared they would have mentioned it by now or apologised.So you could complain unfortunatly you have rif raf Two unpleasant teens With retard of mother next door you can only hope they move or you will have to move .Life is to short to put up with that inbred behavior

PercyPigPie · 29/12/2010 17:43

YANBU

Original poster
nomoreheels · 29/12/2010 17:54

Hi all, thanks for the further comments. We went out to do errands this afternoon (nut fun when you're that tired) so didn't get opportunity to speak to the mum.

They don't know I'm pregnant, and as I've said, the mum is nice enough, so I'm going to speak to her & give it a chance.

When I said she didn't mind the music, I meant that it seems her noise threshold is greater than mine. Maybe she is used to it with two teens. They are quite a gregarious social family.

We are very quiet in comparison. It would never occur to me to have, for example, a noisy BBQ out back in summer that went til 2 am. I'd bring it inside before too late. That's just the way I am. Nor would I open my windows, and sit out back with my stereo cranked. I am too conscious that we are surrounded by people. But I guess they just don't think like that.

My DP is reticent about me speaking to her, but like I said, he hates confrontation. They're not ASBO bad by any means, but I feel I have to address it now, especially before the baby and another potentially noisy summer arrives!

Oh, and my bedroom looks out over our yard & then onto their yard & house which is the adjacent road - we're at a 90 degree angle, if that makes sense. The nursery is at the front of the house, but there's definitely a risk of waking the baby if it sleeps with me at first while I BF.

OP posts:
Tanso · 29/12/2010 20:05

You say the lady is nice... of well before you go down the path of noise abatement or police TALK to her.Be friendly. Explain you are pregnant and the baby is coming soon, and that their noise often wakes you. Please can you have her phone number so you can text if you have a problem with the noise. This saves any late night confrontation.

Say you dont particularly want to call noise abatement, you would rather sort it out in a normal neighbourly way.

If you get this system sorted and they ignore your texts, warn them and then take it further.

I think you would be surprised how effective a text it in neighbour relations. I she is not at home and receives te message she will have to contact the children and sort it out. It will also make her more aware of the noise her children make while she is out.

swap numbers, give them a chance.

StarExpat · 29/12/2010 20:16

This will be a much bigger problem once the baby arrives. Talk to her now and nip it in the bud while you can.

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