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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be weirded out by FIL peeing in front of DD?

99 replies

LondonKiwiMum · 28/12/2010 20:50

So dd is nearly 2 and is in her bath (given by daddy), when FIL walks in to our small bathroom and just takes a pee right in front of her, leaving the door open so i walk in on him too? there is no way she didn't see everything, the bathroom is too small. he didn't ask DH, DH was surprised too.

am i being a prude? this made me really uncomfortable, especially the not asking. the reason i feel esp uncomfortable is that FIL and MIL are quite insistent about having dd come to stay for extended periods in the hols without us. i have resisted so far on the grounds that dd is too young. dh has mentioned FIL was (and remains) prone to walking around in the nude when they were growing up, which i am also not very comfortable with.

the only thing we can think is maybe he has a prostrate problem but if he does, he has never told us.

OP posts:

hobbgoblin · 28/12/2010 20:52

peeing in front of you is weird, as is peeing in front of adult son when not strictly necessary. peeing in front of dd is the least weird situation i think

Hassledge · 28/12/2010 20:53

I doubt he has a prostate problem, I'd imagine he's just very comfortable with nudity and using the bathroom in front of family members. Some people just are - I find it quite admirable (in a repressed sort of way).

You have different views, that's all - it doesn't have to be a big deal. Talk to them and say that as you don't behave like that at home, your DD might be a bit confused and so it might be easier if they desisted while she was around. If they're otherwise sane and nice I can't see why that would be a problem.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 20:53

YANBU. FIL's peeing habits seem odd.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 28/12/2010 20:54

What if it had been your dad, not your FIL? Just out of interest?

UnderTheRadar2212 · 28/12/2010 20:55

When your kids are about, FIL needs to keep his pants on.

And make sure the bathroom is unoccupied before he takes a pee.

tinselthechaffinch · 28/12/2010 20:59

I have (traumatic) memories of walking in on my grandma having a shower, when I was about 3.

Yuck, yuck, OP, it would make me uncomfortable too.

stickersarecurrency · 28/12/2010 21:00

I agree that the odd bit is walking in and using the loo in full view of you and you DH. I think it's fine for kids to see relatives naked - healthy in fact. But he seems to have overlooked the accepted social convention of concealing your genitals from other adults who aren't either sexual partners or medical professionals.

mjinsparklystockings · 28/12/2010 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sotiredmum · 28/12/2010 21:00

Totally agree with hobbgoblin - couldn;t have said it better (I did try - but took too long!!). Did he apologise to you?

RockinRobinBird · 28/12/2010 21:03

there is no way she didn't see everything

What exactly are you afraid of? She's not even 2, she's a baby.

Peeing in front of adults is one thing but peeing in front of a baby is hardly earth shattering.

Nagoo · 28/12/2010 21:04

YANBU to be wierded out, but it YABU if you think that your DD would be wierded too.

I will wee in front of DS no probs, and I can well imagine him wanting to continue a conversation with a GP who needed to use the toilet.

Obviously, it's weird to wee in front of another adult, but children don't get weirded by this stuff.

DH had a nudey grandad, and I just asked him what he thought about that, he shrugged and said 'its just what he did'

My family is a nudey family too, so the nekkidness wouldn't bother me, but the weeing would.

MerryMarigold · 28/12/2010 21:05

YAB a bit U

I agree with poster who said FIL is just comfortable with nudity. I doubt he was that comfortable with you walking in, but he hardly did it deliberately in front of you, he just wasn't expecting you to walk in when his son was doing dd's bath.

I think if your dd is only 2 it's not something that would register at all with her.

I don't think it's hugely weird. As other poster said, just say that when she comes to stay, you would rather they were clothed in front of your dd. This has maybe given you the opportunity to bring it up! But be relaxed about it when you bring it up. Just that YOU don't feel comfortable about it, rather than there is something wrong or perverted about it.

Original poster

LondonKiwiMum · 28/12/2010 21:05

sorry BFing and trying to type.

i would be much more weirded out if my dad had done the same thing, as we are all the repressed no nudity types in my family, even bfing in front of my dad was difficult. fil at least has the benefit of form on the nudity front.

fil is not very receptive to suggestions. our suggestion that smoking in the same room as a newborn could be avoided was received with a massive strop and a long subsequent sulk... for months. since then, parents in law have made it clear they thinks i am a conservative and over protective mum.

OP posts:

Nagoo · 28/12/2010 21:05

Stickers said it best

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 28/12/2010 21:12

Children need to see others use the loo, ready for potty training etc.

Original poster

LondonKiwiMum · 28/12/2010 21:21

OK, i think i am being unreasonable :) on reflection, it is probably more that i am uncomfortable myself with fil being naked (i've always managed to avoid it at their house). i did suspect that our family was a bit uptight about nudity.

will try to relax a bit about it and chill out.

OP posts:

BlueFergie · 28/12/2010 21:29

I would be way more concerned that he might smoke around your DD if she went to stay with them. Weeing in front of her wouldn't bother me.

humanoctopus · 28/12/2010 21:34

It obviously is just your FILs way.

Your dh experience of him is that he was/is comfortable with nudity.

Some people just don't get uptight about bodily functions/nudity.

I am very relaxed about that stuff and find it hard to understand why this might upset you?

There surely wasn't anything sinister in his actions.

zipzap · 28/12/2010 21:36

I'd find it weird - for all the reasons mentioned below - but as well because I don't like the thought of someone using the loo while dd (or anyone else for that matter!) is in the bath or the same room - flushing, germs floating about all over the place...

I know that it's probably no different to somebody using it just before the bath is run. It just makes me think yuck.

hobbgoblin · 28/12/2010 21:45

zipzap, it's weird how we put toilets in bathrooms then isn't it. Perhaps an outside toilet would be safer? Are you actually serious about germs floating about?

WimpleOfTheBallet · 28/12/2010 21:49

Oh bugger this! It's REALLY odd! Unless you're Scandinavian or something. I would have said "Get your old willy out of our sight!" and have been done with it!

TechnoKitten · 28/12/2010 21:54

Nothing to do with germs - but we're designing our house (build starts next year with luck!) and we've deliberately put a separate upstairs toilet, bathroom and shower room in the plans. So I can relax in the bath, the boys can fight over the shower and DH can go for a pee - all in blissful privacy :)

OP, you're not unreasonable in thinking your FIL shouldn't wee in front of you unless he has medical issues and needed to go NOW!

Can't think of anything that would make me feel "ick" as much as my father weeing in front of me. This is coming from someone in whose family daily nudity is an accepted and acceptable thing, where the boys (both under 5) share the loo cubicle with us when we're out and where we are invaded share showers with the boys regularly. I'll stop when they start feeling uncomfortable with it though.

Original poster

LondonKiwiMum · 28/12/2010 21:56

interesting as DH has a bit of FIL in him. he sleeps naked so he walks about naked if he has to get up at night, and that doesn't worry me. i really struggle to connect with parents in law on any topic (language / culture difference as well as different views on the world), so that may be a part of my discomfort.

i think it's more i wouldn't pee in front of fil, and don't expect him to pee in front of me. some posters made the point though, how else will dd and ds learn about toilet training if they don't see people using the toilet? we haven't toilet trained yet and i am embarrassed to admit this hadn't occurred to me.

the smoking thing was a real pain in the arse though, fil went out of his way to be a nuisance about it to assert his smoking rights, so i am very reluctant to bring up any new areas of contention. better off chatting this one through with dh.

OP posts:

cupcakebakerer · 28/12/2010 22:02

I know you've said you need to chill out about nudity etc. But can I just say I would have been ABSOLUTELY weirded out by this. Yes I am very much a prude but still...I personally would find that very strange and it would play on my mind too.

wigglesrock · 28/12/2010 22:10

I don't understand why you would be so weirded out by your fil having a quick pee in front of your baby who's not two yet. Yes a bit strange in front of you, but I'm assuming he didn't know you were going to walk in. My mum used to mind my girls and she would take them into the loo with her when she needed to go, she hated leaving them alone!!! The odd time she would nip out and my dad would mind them, I'm assuming he would have taken them in with him.

Do you or dh have a shower, bath, go to the toilet in front of your daughter?

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