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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be weirded out by FIL peeing in front of DD?

99 replies

LondonKiwiMum · 28/12/2010 20:50

So dd is nearly 2 and is in her bath (given by daddy), when FIL walks in to our small bathroom and just takes a pee right in front of her, leaving the door open so i walk in on him too? there is no way she didn't see everything, the bathroom is too small. he didn't ask DH, DH was surprised too.

am i being a prude? this made me really uncomfortable, especially the not asking. the reason i feel esp uncomfortable is that FIL and MIL are quite insistent about having dd come to stay for extended periods in the hols without us. i have resisted so far on the grounds that dd is too young. dh has mentioned FIL was (and remains) prone to walking around in the nude when they were growing up, which i am also not very comfortable with.

the only thing we can think is maybe he has a prostrate problem but if he does, he has never told us.

OP posts:
mrsfollowill · 28/12/2010 22:19

Errm - men pee in front of each other all the time- urinals in the Gents? Your DD would be too young to really register what happened. Suspect your FIL may be mortified himself! I would hate to have walked in on my FIL doing this (or anyone other than DH tbh). Try and not overthink this and make it into something else.

toddlerama · 28/12/2010 22:23

I wouldn't like it, but the part that would worry me is their insistence about having her to stay for prolonged periods without you. My MIL tries to push the same agenda. There is no flipping way DH or I would allow it, but her constant planning it is uncomfortable and makes us wonder what on earth she is pushing it for.

ModreB · 28/12/2010 23:14

Hmm. Well, I walk around nude in the house. DS1 (20yo) saw me last night, in my own bedroom, nude, as he walked in to talk about something, and never turned a hair. Sat on the bed and continued the conversation while I put my bra on.

DS3, on the other hand, was in the bath this evening, and insisted on pulling over the shower curtain while I went in to brush my hair. I did knock on the door first.

I think that it is up to the individual, eg, what are you comfortable with, what is the DC (or DGC) comfortable with.

go with the flow.

Morloth · 29/12/2010 00:53

Pee-ing wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't allow my baby to be in a room with a smoker. it is absolutely his right to smoke in his home if he likes and it is your right to not take your daughter there.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2010 01:01

gosh, some of you are very avant-garde aintcha ?

I cannot imagine my FIL peeing in front of my children, I would be very weirded out if he did

I think one generation apart for this kinda stuff is ok eg. parents peeing in front of their own children

but grandparents ?

erm, no, not for me thanks, not even for a 2yo

incidentally, at what age will he consider stopping getting his penis out to do an intimate thing like taking a piss ?

and why start such a custom in the first place ?

I would not be comfortable with this

NormalityBites · 29/12/2010 01:09

YANBU in your home. As it's your home I suggest you gently tell you generally use YOUR bathroom one at a time.

YABU if it's his home. He's just taking a pee and he's obviously comfortable, he is not asking you to pee in front of him.

Walking about in the nude, fine. When the grandkids have a problem with it they'll tell him! Grin

AnyFucker · 29/12/2010 01:10

his was in your house ?

that is even worse

yuk

NormalityBites · 29/12/2010 01:11

AnyFucker, would you not let your parents take your child to the toilet when out and about? Would you not generally share a cubicle with a young child in that situation? I don't see the problem.

theevildead2 · 29/12/2010 01:15

I think it's really weird TBH, what you do in front of your own children is one thing but insisting you can wee and smoke in front of others people's kids is a bit much.

But I don't think he was being weird or creepy as he clearly had no issue with DH being there. If he thought he was doing anything weird he'd have hid it IYSWIM. So try not to let that worry you.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2010 01:15

for some people obviously not a problem

for me, yes

when out and about, miles from home, not an issue

but just swanning in, in somebody else's home, getting your todger out and pissing ?

it's just fucking bad manners, at the very least, to me

could he not have waited 5 minutes ?

why the need to be so exhibitionist about it?

fgs, some things are just private, is that too difficult to understand ?

Dreya · 29/12/2010 01:51

This has got me thinking. I would feel really very uncomfortable if my FIL did this. However, if my own Mother had done this, I don't think I would even bat an eyelid. Confused But my FIL or Stepdad...No, it just doesn't sit comfortably with me at all. And the smoking...well, as an ex smoker, even if I was in my home I wouldn't smoke around a child. It's selfish and absolutely absurd imo.

DeeCeeDee · 29/12/2010 03:44

Im not prudish at all but this just makes me uncomfortable. Londonkiwimum: trust your instincts, there must be something else in this thats caused you to be worried enough to raise this on here. Dont listen to anyone who says its natural. I am also concerned re. FIL wanting your daughter to stay with them for extended periods, without you. I dont even want to think about this any further. Trust your instincts as a mother, do the right thing by your daughter, and just say no.

antsypants · 29/12/2010 06:17

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable, I can appreciate why you would be weirded out by it, I would probably feel the same, but there is obviously no intent behind it, otherwise he wouldn't be so open. He probably doesn't even think twice... I can see in the future her friends being regaled with tales of her nudey grandad.

snowyweather · 29/12/2010 06:47

LondonKiwiMum The not smoking request should not have been an issue. FWIW I would not let my child stay with FIL if he had been an arse about smoking in front of children. I too think you need to trust your instincts.

You have highlighted different cultural view points. I really think your family need to take account of your view point. I'm a bit of a prude nudity wise to anyone and I like being that way.

To me it is such bad manners.
If you don't want nudity of your fil in your house, peeing openly, then fair enough.

It will be different if it was you or your husband. I agree with the one generation apart analysis. God knows, with separation anxiety every parent probably has to go with their child in sight or put up with banshee like screaming from time to time.

FWIW I was really pissed off when my in laws took a naked bath picture of our baby and posted it to all and sundry on FB (with no privacy control). Too me it was just another case of the mil doing what she wanted with no regard for me, my DH or our child. That really pissed me off. We don't see them often thankfully.

blueshoes · 29/12/2010 06:49

Given your FIL's penchant for wandering around starkers, I won't be too concerned given your dd's age.

But if your dd were older, I would definitely be weirded out and get DH to have a quiet word with his father.

diddl · 29/12/2010 07:07

I think because your husband was there it was OK-and because your daughter is so young.

Had you been bathing your daughter, that´s different.

But he was having a wee in front of his son-can´t see the problem with that.

larrygrylls · 29/12/2010 07:24

Gosh, there are a lot of prudes on here.

He was peeing, not masturbating! It will do your daughter good to see that men and women are different and what the lav is for.

He probably should have closed the door due to you (not his son or granddaughter) but forgot, especially if he is quite relaxed about that kind of thing. On the other hand, you are family and surely a man taking a pee is not so offensive to an adult woman??

carrotcake29 · 29/12/2010 07:33

I do not think it is about being prudes...I just do not think a grown man should be getting his penis out to wee with others around. I would have been astounded! I agree, it is just bad manners and although I am sure your DD wouldnt have been bothered in the slightest but it strikes me as odd that (unless it is a parent) he thought it was normal to have a wee in front of everyone.
Bizarre and if I wanted my dd to stay with them I would have to speak to them about it first.
Keep the mouse in the house Smile

2rebecca · 29/12/2010 07:47

I think he should have asked to use the toilet and although I agree at 2 a family member urinating in fron of a child isn't concerning, it seems selfish thoughtless behaviour to me.
I presume there's only 1 toilet in the hopuse, if so did you check no-one needed to use it before running her bath?
I would lock the door in future.

diddl · 29/12/2010 07:49

"I just do not think a grown man should be getting his penis out to wee with others around"

Sorry, but what should he get out to wee with thenGrin

"strikes me as odd that (unless it is a parent) he thought it was normal to have a wee in front of everyone."

But he was weeing in front of his son, not everyone.

diddl · 29/12/2010 07:51

I do think that he should have asked though.

Here, if you don´t want anyone in the bathroom with you, you lock the door!

carrotcake29 · 29/12/2010 07:52

Oh I thought he was weeing in front of his DIL and GD as well which is where the OP was having a problem?

diddl · 29/12/2010 08:05

Oh, yes-it was in front of GD.

That´s why I think he should have asked so that she could hve been distracted/removed if that´s what parents wanted.

YunoYurbubson · 29/12/2010 08:25

Willies aren't evil you know. It would not occur to me to mind about this. It's her grandad, not deuce bigalo Hmm

carrotcake29 · 29/12/2010 08:29

It is all about manners. The Gdad hasn't been obscene or anything. As has been established, some families are at ease with this and others are not, which is why he should have just asked or waited his turn. Lock the door and perhaps the message will become clear to him.

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