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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming that my DH doesn't give a stuff about me being ill?

94 replies

prettymuchapixiegirl · 27/12/2010 10:52

I recently had a bad chest infection during which time DH wouldn't acknowledge that I was ill, at all. I got no sympathy and no help with anything.

Now DD1 and I have a stomach bug, DH had to deal with DD1 in the night as I was too ill, and he's now in a real bad mood about it all, and has gone off to do his hobby this morning leaving me with an ill 12 year old, a 6 year old and a 1 and a half year old. I can barely move. DH said that he wasn't prepared to stay in this morning as then he would feel "punished" because I was ill and it was no fault of his.

I am so angry, if I had more energy I'd cry.

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 27/12/2010 10:55

what a twat.

well, you know how to behave whenever he is ill.

And also tell him that you were under the impression that a husband was supposed to actually give a shit about his wife.

In your shoes I'd be having a very serious conversation about love.

LadyintheRadiator · 27/12/2010 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 27/12/2010 10:58

there have een so many threads like this over christmas!! i'm truly shocked that women put up with this behaviour. he sounds like a bully to me

did you say anything to him op???

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 27/12/2010 10:59

He sounds like a selfish, immature dickhead. YOU are ill. His child is ill. And he feels 'punished'????

Give me strength. He would be bloody punished if he lived with me I can tell you.

ZZZenAgain · 27/12/2010 11:01

I think you are right to be fuming

Have you noticed that this whole man-flu thing, oh poor me, I have a cough and need to lie about all day being pampered seems to go hand in hand with not showing any interest in taking the dc off a truly sick wife's hands?

Why, I don't know but both come up a lot, don' they?

BoffinMum · 27/12/2010 11:01

He's being a dickhead. Tell his mum what he's done. Wink

feistychickfightingthebull · 27/12/2010 11:02

He is being a prick

Notevenamouse · 27/12/2010 11:08

He is an arse.

Kewcumber · 27/12/2010 11:11

twat prick arse - take your pick, any seem wuite appropriate to me.

Ephiny · 27/12/2010 11:16

His reasoning is very odd - it's not his fault you're ill, therefore he doesn't need to show any sympathy or provide any practical help, and to do so would feel like him being 'punished'? Hmm

That's really not how a loving relationship is supposed to work. You're not at all unreasonable to be angry and upset.

I'm also amazed at how many threads like this there have been lately, really shocked that this is such a common thing.

LadyLapsang · 27/12/2010 11:37

As soon as he gets back go to bed and stay in bed; you wouldn't believe how effective this is, I didn't until I tried it.

Original poster
prettymuchapixiegirl · 27/12/2010 11:59

The baby has started being sick now; DH won't answer his phone

OP posts:
ManateeEquineOhara · 27/12/2010 12:07

What a total moron. Have you got anyone else who can come over and help?

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 27/12/2010 12:07

Errrr wedding vows...in sickness and in health....honour and cherish???

None of these ringing any bells with him?

Punished?

Cock.

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 27/12/2010 12:08

Sorry in my flabbergasted state I forgot to say get well soon you poor thing x

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 27/12/2010 12:18

You do realise he is quite clearly showing that he doesn't give a flying fuck about you or his child, don't you?

Original poster
prettymuchapixiegirl · 27/12/2010 12:23

He's just phoned me and had a go at me because I'd tried to call him and left him a message asking him to come home. And he's just said I'm not really ill, apparently I'm making it all up`

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 27/12/2010 12:26

He is cruel, selfish and a bully.

This is a wake up call.

Do you have any family or anyone who could come and help you?

pickgo · 27/12/2010 12:27

Can you all decamp to your mum's or somewhere? That way you won't be there when he gets back. And then don't answer your phone.
Try to forget about this until you're all feeling better then have a really serious talk and spell out clearly what you expect from him next time.
YANBU - I'd be hurt and fuming.Angry
Hope you all feel better soon.

wannaBe · 27/12/2010 12:28

He is a tosser. Make sure you breathe on him and g o out leaving him withc the kids when he becomes ill.

Notalone · 27/12/2010 12:32

Selfish bastard. I hope he catches it so he can see first hand how ill you actually are. Is he always like this? Hope you feel better soon

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 27/12/2010 12:32

is there bloke that he really respects? Boss / mate or anything that you know would be behaving differently?

Can you text him a simple 'do you think X would leave 2 vomiting children and an ill wife while he did his hobby?'.....

RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 27/12/2010 12:33

and i agree with leaving him with the kids when he's ill - it will be really hard for you to do but I think it has to be done.

LadyintheRadiator · 27/12/2010 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeyflippers · 27/12/2010 12:42

As pickgo says is there somewhere else you and the kids can go?