to be fuming that my DH doesn't give a stuff about me being ill?

[prettymuchapixiegirl]

I recently had a bad chest infection during which time DH wouldn't acknowledge that I was ill, at all. I got no sympathy and no help with anything.

Now DD1 and I have a stomach bug, DH had to deal with DD1 in the night as I was too ill, and he's now in a real bad mood about it all, and has gone off to do his hobby this morning leaving me with an ill 12 year old, a 6 year old and a 1 and a half year old. I can barely move. DH said that he wasn't prepared to stay in this morning as then he would feel "punished" because I was ill and it was no fault of his.

I am so angry, if I had more energy I'd cry.

If my DH ever dared treat me like that then yeah, I'd rather be alone. Id def. try Relate, if only to drum what thin ice he is on into his head, and then see where you are. Change is possible, but rare. As the old joke goes: how many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to really, really want to change.

I would also quote the Maya Angelou someone has in another thread - when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Do you want your kids to grow up, thinking this is how men and women should do relationships?

I would also confirm what Snowflake says: my DH works 60 hour weeks. He had time off before Xmas in lieu, and I came down with flu. I did nothing - and I mean, nothing in this house except sleep and be regularly fed and offered drinks, drugs and DVD changes. DH loves me, he loves our child, and knows illness and parenting is incompatible. This is adult behaviour.

He's just phoned me, all nice and "how are you feeling today darling", and I was very off with him on the phone. He said he's finishing work early and will be home in a couple of hours, and as soon as he's home DD1 and I are going to go into town to look at the sales, so he can look after the two younger ones and sort tea out whilst I'm out.

I'll get him a new toothbrush identical in colour to the one I threw away and then when I get home I might just ram it somewhere

Pixiegirl- as so many posters have said this is so not OK. If your DH treats you like this when you need him most it does call into question what sort of man he is.

I just wanted to add some perspective- DP and I had a short separation a few years ago. He was a selfish pig during much of this time and we both learened some invaluable lessons. However, when DS and I came down with D&V he came over at 4am (I called to say I was struggling). He looked after DS, fetched me whatever I needed, changed all the sheets, cleaned etc.. He stayed on the sofa until I was better.

He did this because as DS's father he knew it was his duty. It wasn't medal winning stuff, just basic human decency.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I do think that sometimes there are too many shouts of "leave him FFS" on MN but really this sounds so very selfish that I am speechless.

We are here if you need somewhere to let of steam. I really hope you and DCs feel better very soon.

I had horrific flu in 1990 when I was with xp, I mean the type where you hallucinate and you can't even walk to the toilet a lot of the time. Xp just left me on my own for a week, as he said he didn't want to catch anything 'as it would go straight to his chest'. I was not fed, watered, or anything, and ended up in hospital with complications. Two years later I got a very bad gynae problem and ended up in A and E - one of my piano pupils' parents had to drive me as xp refused to believe I was so ill and woulnd't get involved, even though I was teaching from home and nearly collapsed while he was there. I was ignored then as well. Another time he was watching DD (9 months) for a bit while I was cooking, and he made himself a pint cup of lemon tea, boiling hot, and put it on a cushion on the garden, right by where she was playing, and she crawled into it while he was faffing about not watching her properly. She nearly took the skin off her arm and ended up in a burns unit. While I was ringing the ambulance he was giving me an earful for being over-sensitive and telling me I was being ridiculous and I should treat it at home.

Suffice it to say this is one of the main reasons he is now xp. He behaved like an Edwardian head of the house, reckoning everyone should pander to his man flu yet assuming everyone else was being over-sensitive and ridiculous if he wasn't the centre of attention. Haha, well he doesn't get much attention now, does he.

I would add the moment I decided to leave him was when the penny dropped, that if we were in a disaster situation and he had to haul me out of the water or something, he would probably come up with an excuse not to do it (this is a man who wouldn't ever carry a couple of shopping bags or a suitcase for me 'because it would trigger his leg pains').

Arse.

God, I feel a bit better after those rants!

OP what is your dp like when you're not ill? Does he contribute to family life at all?

'I hope you're refusing to do things for him now he's ill. Men, hey!!'

Some men. Some people, in fact. Definitely not all and certainly not my husband. If my son grew up to be someone like this, I wouldn't hesitate to slap some sense into him. But he probably won't because he doesn't see this type of behaviour at home and when sees it elsewhere both of us will let him know how unacceptable it is.

Our daughters, too.

BoffinMum - well rid!

Awwwwwwwww, well DH has come down with the squits today and isn't feeling too well. He insisted on going to work, although I told him to stay home and not be a twat and risk spreading it round to everyone he comes into contact with.

He'll be home later this afternoon and will no doubt go to bed and whinge and whine. Will he get any sympathy from me? Will he heck!!

Wow you really need to let him suffer now that he has it. Don't do a thing for him and give him a hard time about how lazy he is being. Give him a list of jobs that need doing or go out and leave him with the kids. Seriously the man needs punishing!

pixie you are worth more than this he is being a right little shit and needs telling.
Show him how upset and disapointed in him you are and he needs to change his bloody attitude from now on or there will be trouble in 2011 in your marriage.

I too had an ex who couldn't stand it when I was ill, demanding I answered a question when he could clearly see I couldn't as I was mid retch/vomiting and storming out out in a huff because I didn't answer him,didn't believe I was ill and even went to work when I told him I thought I had meningitis (I did).

Told me I brought shme on his house because I had pnd.
Yada etc.

He is an ex

Tell your 'd'p all thes EX stories and stop putting u[p with this behaviour if you think he can change if not GO

He's clearly trying to prove it's a minor illness because he is managing to carry on regardless. We'll see...

If he takes to his bed, I order you, no, the whole of mumsnet orders you to stand over him, tell him he is not really ill and you refuse to be punished so you are going out.

And bugger off out.

Without the kids.

If you don't we will all come to your house and take it in turns to kick you up the arse.

Yep definately arse kicking required.

I am by this, not all men are like this only some. Give him a taste of his own medicine and treat him like shit like how he has treated you and HIS children. Pixi i would think long and hard about your relationship and whether this is the type of man you want to be with the rest of your life. One who is so self centred that he goes away and does his hobby whilst you and the kids are sick, and shouts and rants at you for being sick. Do you know how bad this is looking from the outside!

Go out, plan activities when he is ill, and refuse to help him, like how he treated you.