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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be realy hurt by this

27 replies

Ray81 · 25/12/2010 11:53

Ok have had some issues with my family recently some may remember the mystry I pod docking station thread.

Anyway didnt want to go to my mums on xmas day (usualy go for an hr) but hadnt said i wasnt going even though i hadnt been invited.

Well i am infact feeling very unwell, can hardly talk infact, temp etc so i text my mum this morn saying merry christmas sorry cant call as cannot talk, have presents if she wants to pick them up on way to my grandads (she goes to see him on xmas day) my love to everyone.

I have not had a response nothing, no call from my sisters either i have 4. I know i am better off without them but i am very hurt and just want to cry.

OP posts:

cornyPrawnsdefrostJasonDonovan · 25/12/2010 11:54

I remember your thread about the ipod. Sod them - don't let them ruin your day.

thenightsky · 25/12/2010 11:57

I remember your ipod docking station thread very well... That alone would make me never want to have anything to do with them again.

Have a nice day, tuck yourself up warm and drink alcohol

highlighterpen · 25/12/2010 11:57

Hi Ray,

Sorry you feel rotten. Maybe your mum has her phone off or hasn't heard it beep.

Try not to make this into a big drama; no need to spoil your Christmas. Things will be OK in the longer term. Just keep warm, be nice to yourself and watch the christmas telly.

Big and warm getting well feelings heading your way.

KalokiMallow · 25/12/2010 12:06

So sorry to hear that, you've had such a rough time of it with them. They don't deserve you still caring about them.

Have a nice relaxing day and I hope you feel better soon x

diddl · 25/12/2010 12:09

Well, it´s possible they are all busy.

I haven´t phoned any rellies yet.

littletreesmum · 25/12/2010 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheMonster · 25/12/2010 16:06

Hope you feel better soon.
I've had no contact from my family yet (they're all too busy altogether without me ) but DP's bloody parents have been annoying us on Skype all day - and they are supposed to be on holiday.

Original poster

Ray81 · 25/12/2010 16:14

Hi still no contact from any of my family, so i realy dont think it is because they are busy.

Oh well think after everything i am better off without them.

OP posts:

JosieRosie · 25/12/2010 16:15

YANBU at all. You poor thing - hope you feel better

InPraiseOfBacchus · 25/12/2010 16:17

Oh no, they sound like a charming bunch :( Hope you have a nice day without them, treat yourself to something lovely!

SantaObsession · 25/12/2010 18:29

Don't dwell on them, they aren't a nice bunch at all. Enjoy the day as best you can.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 25/12/2010 21:57

If they already knew you were ill and didn't call then TBH, you know - even more than you did already - that they are no loss to you.

Hope you feel better soon, that you find a place to live near your IL and can move to live near normal people.

Plumm · 25/12/2010 22:03

If you'd admitted to losing the docking station and paid your sister the money then they'd probably be talking to you... Do you really want people like that in your life?

alicet · 25/12/2010 22:06

YANBU.

However do they know you are ill and can't talk is actually physically can't talk with a sore throat?

Only if your text said 'haven't called as can't talk' they might have interpreted this as you being too busy to talk? Obviously if they know you are ill this isn't the case and with the back story they are probably just being tw*ts but I am trying to see the other side...

Hope you are better soon and have had as good a Christmas as is possible when you feel rubbish and your family are ignoring you...x

KaraStarbuckThrace · 25/12/2010 22:17

Ray

Try to put them out of your mind and concentrate on the family around you. YANBU to be hurt by their behaviour though.

MrsNonSmoker · 25/12/2010 23:47

I can only imagine how hurt you feel, I remember thread, what a strong person you are. Every Christmas is different, I look back on some terrible times when I was younger, even when I was first married, everything hurts more during the holidays, but last few years I've treasured our Christmas Days. Next one might be the best ever with or without all or some of your family, so try not to dwell on it past today, I am sure you are in bed now and the day is nearly over. Start again tomorrow. Big hugs don't care who sees.

Mowiol · 26/12/2010 00:00

Ahh Ray - so sorry about this.
You seem to be such a nice person with a crap family.
I, for one, am happy to be your honorary Auntie and wish you Merry Christmas
Hugs to you all!!

MadamDeathstare · 26/12/2010 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey · 26/12/2010 01:07

Hey Ray! I remember your thread. Well, you already knew they were a toxic bunch of tossers, right? And this is how toxic tossers behave. They are only family by accident, if you had the choice you wouldn't have chosen them, right?

You have a lovely family right there in your own house and a fabulous bunch of internet sisters, Mums and aunties here on MN.

Don't bother trying to talk to them or text them again. You are worth 10 of them put together!

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/12/2010 08:30

Hi guys thanks for all your lovely words.

My text clearly said i couldnt talk because of my throat so can understand not having a call from any of them but to not even have a text back is just bloody rude.
Also i did post on FB how crap i am feeling and my friend posted that she tried to call but i was asleep and she hoped i felt better soon, i responded telling her i couldnt call because i could speak.

I know i am better off without them but it still bloddy hurts though, hopefully i will become numb to it.
I have other friends in my life that love me and are like family to me so i need to concentrate on them.

Whoever said that i would choose them as family is right i wouldnt not in a million yrs.

Feeling alittle better today, had some night and day nurse in the cupboard and that seems to be realy helping and making me feel like i just have a bad cold rather then the flu.

OP posts:

Geistesabwesenheit · 26/12/2010 11:24

Ray, I remember your thread :( You will become numb to it eventually, I have, but it takes a while, as it's a sort of grieving for the family you never had. Oops, that wasn't very cheerful, but I hope you know what I mean.

All the best for a non-toxic 2011 :)

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 26/12/2010 13:16

Ray, darling, you are making excuses. If I was sick, too sick to make it over for christmas, with no voice, I'm sure my mum would call H if no-one else.... to see how I am.

The reason it hurts is because you are subliminally telling yourself that they are OK and will step up to the plate one day.

For whatever reason, they are not about to do this. The iPod thingy thread made it abundantly clear that they are toxic and deeply, deeply flawed.

What they put you through was nothing short of abuse.

I know you are feeling ill, and that always magnifies everything, but you have to do whatever it takes to give up on these people. Stop expecting them to do the decent thing, because that is not going to happen.

This is not your fault, but THEIR failing. You could have done nothing to stop this situation, and this eventual outcome.

Fast-forward your plans to find a new home near DH parents. This time next year, you will be in the bosom of a proper family.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 26/12/2010 13:17

Blooming heck Geistesabwesenheit.... was about to agree with you and namecheck you, but had to take a deep breath before attempting it!

What does that splendid word mean? I love german words, they are so monumental!

Geistesabwesenheit · 26/12/2010 14:49

LittleMissHoHoHoFit it means absent-mindedness, which sums me up perfectly!

IAPJJLPJ · 26/12/2010 15:21

hi Ray

I followed your ipod thread. Cant believe you are still craving your family's attention to be honest.

What was the outcome with the ipod?

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