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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be given baby gifts for Christmas?

76 replies

Ihopeyoudance · 23/12/2010 14:58

I suppose I'll get flamed as an ungrateful wench here but I'm interested in what other people think.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first child and starting to feel like I'd quite like the baby to come out now as feeling rather hefty and uncomfortable. DP and I both have big families so this baby is going to have lots of people to love it, which is great Xmas Smile.
I love giving and receiving presents at Christmas but I'm also happy for people not to bother as I'm not going to see many of them. It's not about money or materialism as I'd be happy with some bubble bath or a bar of chocolate (which are my best friends at the minute!! Xmas Grin)

Unfortunately, DP has told his family not to bother with presents for us and just buy something for the baby (sob!) I've also received something from one of my brothers which rattles in a distinctly newborn toy kind of way...

Now, I'm delighted people are looking forward to the arrival of our baby and want to buy things for it. BUT AIBU in thinking that's a crap gift for me and it shouldn't be passed off as one? I feel like I've been forgotten as a person and subsumed by this baby before it's even been born Sad

Am I an ingrate who doesn't deserve such a family? Or can I feel sorry for myself that some people have forgotten that I'm a person, not just an incubator?

OP posts:
temporaryslattern · 23/12/2010 15:01

YANBU

I'd be mightily pissed off with DP, but then I have a strict no presents for baby before the birth rule.

Make it quite clear you expect a few thoughtfully chosen extra little presents just for yourself from him.

AMumInScotland · 23/12/2010 15:03

I think it would be DP I'd be annoyed by, rather than the rest of the family - they are only doing what they were asked, which is normally a good thing!

MrsCratchit · 23/12/2010 15:04

YANBU. I'm 31 weeks and will be mightily peeved if anyone gives me a rattle! As you say, I don't need anything big, but bits for me like bubble bath and chocolates would be lovely!

westlake · 23/12/2010 15:04

I completely understand! I actually think YANBU

People should buy the baby gifts when it has arrived!!!
I would be miffed.

However, some people would very much like baby stuff as it means they can save a few pennies and will have meant well, so unfortunately I wouldn't say anything......

I bet your hubby doesn't get baby stuff tho!

I just try to remember NEVER to do this to my friends......

shineycrazydiamond · 23/12/2010 15:05

I want presents for me!

justaboutmaintainingorder · 23/12/2010 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

orangepoo · 23/12/2010 15:07

I actually think YABU. It is so difficult thinking of stuff to buy for adults, much easier to get something for the baby - more likely to be acceptable and get used.

thehumanpacifier · 23/12/2010 15:09

YANBU, plety of time for gifts for baby - when it arrives!

I would actually say that you deserve to be spoilt just now, as it is suddenly all about the little one when it arrives!

alexpolismum · 23/12/2010 15:09

I know just how you feel! My ds2 was born three days after Christmas last year, so I got no presents at all for me, but lots for him! He didn't need anything at all, either, as he is my third child and we already had heaps of clothes and toys. Now we just have bigger heaps!

You just have to accept it and hope your dp is giving you something nice.

NineLadiesDancingThroughLife · 23/12/2010 15:10

I so know where you're coming from. Last Christmas I was about 18 weeks pg, and had to forcefully tell people not to buy for the baby as it didn't need anything yet. I still got babygros and bibs from about 3 aunts.

I hate to admit it, but yes they came in useful. BUT it wasn't a present for me.

YANBU

NineLadiesDancingThroughLife · 23/12/2010 15:12

Oh, but this Christmas I'd rather people buy something for DD than me. A token bar of choc would be fine for me, so your mindset will change. It's nice to have that last Christmas to put yourself first.

rookiemater · 23/12/2010 15:12

Just wait until the baby arrives, if you are lucky you will get about 3 christmas presents all told. This year DS has 14 packages so far and DH and I have 5 between us and I know one of them is a blinkin panettone so scarcely counts.

RockinRobinBird · 23/12/2010 15:12

I'd be giving your DP a kick as well. What kind of eejit tells people not to get his wife a Christmas present and to get her a rattle instead? I take it you've replaced his present with a couple of small hats and a pack of newborn Pampers? I guess everyone is only doing what he asked them to so you can't really blame them, although a teeny bit of independent thought would have spotted the flaw in this plan :o

shineycrazydiamond · 23/12/2010 15:14

"Transformation"? Hmm

Not convinced. How does having children automatically mean that you don't want presents? It's not as if the baby will go without.

justaboutmaintainingorder · 23/12/2010 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tootlesmummy · 23/12/2010 15:15

YANBU but I think that is your DP who was wrong, the families are only doing what he told them to do.

clairefromsteps · 23/12/2010 15:15

YANBU! It's bad enough that you can't even have a nice Christmas drinkie whilst walking round like a human grow-bag, but to have all your pressies taken away too - very harsh. Quite how people can see a teething ring or teddy bear as a suitable present for a grown woman is beyond me, but I suppose they are just responding to what your DH has suggested. I'd make sure DH makes up the shortfall....

And I hate to break it to you, but your individuality does not automatically come back after the baby pops out. For years, you'll be known by semi-acquaintances at the school gate/swimming club/whatever as 'DD/DS's mum'

TheCrackFox · 23/12/2010 15:21

YANBu - DS1 was born 2 weeks after my birthday. I was given a couple of baby toys for my birthday . I know I sounds ungrateful but it really pissed me off.

traceybath · 23/12/2010 15:28

YANBU - I hate all that 'its for the kids' stuff Wink

rookiemater · 23/12/2010 15:30

My birthday was about a week after DS was born. DH gave me a boxed set of The Simpsons, I cried for hours (mind you I cried for most hours for many weeks after DS was born) I see now I should have been grateful that at least it was a present for me.

MumNWLondon · 23/12/2010 15:34

I think you should be annoyed with your DP not with your family.

My PFB was born 2 weeks after my birthday (a week late), and I was p*ssed off even to recieve pregnancy smellie stuff because as I pointed out to DH it was a bit late as I only had 1 week until my DD.

But I bought my SIL BFing PJs for her birthday (2 weeks before her DS2 was born) and I think she was really pleased. She lived in them for months!

I think you should tell your DH to text everyone immediately to say he made a BIG mistake and that any presents for the baby are HIS Christmas presents not yours.

Imarriedafrog · 23/12/2010 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

domeafavour · 23/12/2010 15:46

sorry, I think you're being unreasonable.
and ungrateful. you shouldn't expect presents from anyone.

nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight · 23/12/2010 15:48

she's not saying she's expecting presents - she's saying that if people want to buy her a present, it should be for her and not for the baby.

YANBU.

domeafavour · 23/12/2010 15:50

yeah, but she is anticipating presents, for her or the baby