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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be given baby gifts for Christmas?

76 replies

Ihopeyoudance · 23/12/2010 14:58

I suppose I'll get flamed as an ungrateful wench here but I'm interested in what other people think.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first child and starting to feel like I'd quite like the baby to come out now as feeling rather hefty and uncomfortable. DP and I both have big families so this baby is going to have lots of people to love it, which is great .
I love giving and receiving presents at Christmas but I'm also happy for people not to bother as I'm not going to see many of them. It's not about money or materialism as I'd be happy with some bubble bath or a bar of chocolate (which are my best friends at the minute!! )

Unfortunately, DP has told his family not to bother with presents for us and just buy something for the baby (sob!) I've also received something from one of my brothers which rattles in a distinctly newborn toy kind of way...

Now, I'm delighted people are looking forward to the arrival of our baby and want to buy things for it. BUT AIBU in thinking that's a crap gift for me and it shouldn't be passed off as one? I feel like I've been forgotten as a person and subsumed by this baby before it's even been born

Am I an ingrate who doesn't deserve such a family? Or can I feel sorry for myself that some people have forgotten that I'm a person, not just an incubator?

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 23/12/2010 21:52

Don't know. Last year I got money as per usual, and ended up putting it towards baby stuff for our DD who was due (and appeared) in the summer. I tried and tried to think of things for me, but I don't want for much. No point buying clothes etc etc.

dietcokesholidaysarecoming · 23/12/2010 21:59

I think you your DP should be sent out in the shopping madness to buy you lots of treats to make up for his twonkish behaviour!

Soups · 23/12/2010 22:03

Silly dp.

When the baby is born I'm sure relatives will ask your dp what to get for the baby. Make sure he's primed to respond that you both have plenty for the baby but maybe you need a treat ;)

blackeyedsusan · 23/12/2010 22:12

Sorry who said that? Oh it's the incubator in the corner.

YANBU

Sorry felt the need to shout because you are still you. you are still a person in your own right and you are not just this baby's mum. I would be asking dp to make up the shortfall of gifts with plenty of chocolate and a massive present as a reward for giving birth to your dc.

A1980 · 24/12/2010 00:46

Maybe they think it'll save you buying it? It's the thought that counts.

SnowyGonzalez · 24/12/2010 00:54

YANBU. You're heavily pregnant, you deserve ALL the treats! Silly DP.

Though I don't agree that presents for the baby 'ought' to be left till after the birth. Some people feel that way; others like me don't. It's a matter of personal preference/ superstition, and I think one should just Sk the parents-to-be what they prefer.

Tolalola · 24/12/2010 00:56

YANBU, I had this when I was due around Christmas. Everyone else got cool board games. I got a packet of baby wipes.

I also got a baby cook book, baby clothes, a baby CD and a book of baby poems.

I felt a bit fed up, tbh, and as though I was suddenly being seen as nothing more than a baby producing machine.

coldtits · 24/12/2010 01:00

As an aside, my lovely single friend turned up at the hospital after I had ds1 with a MASSIVE bottle of vodka, some newborn pampers ("so you don't run out and end up covered in shit") and a smile.

I love her.

SkiingGardeningTwinklyBauble · 24/12/2010 03:01

YADNBU. I felt exactly the same way. Still do in fact even now DS is here and 6 months old. I love being his Mum, but it's not all there is to me. I can completely see why you are upset as your DP has missed this, and most of all you still want to be a person to him.

I hope that if people are kind enough to get you presents you get some things that make you happy, most of all from DP!

PenguinArmy · 24/12/2010 03:14

I felt like this last year. Told family we understand and didn't want presents as they were buying stuff for the baby, but to please not give it to us as xmas/b'day presents.

sterrryerryoh · 24/12/2010 04:59

Yadnbu. Having never been pregnant myself, I always figured that pregnant women would have a better idea about what their baby might need, than I did - even when babies were born I would buy the perfunctory mittens/bibs and then something fab for "mum"!

It reminds me of when we first got approved to adopt (no baby in sight, just approved) - for my birthday 2 months later, a well-meaning friend bought me a book of baby names! Erm...thanks? One of the things I didn't get to do was name ds!

Hope you do get lotsof fabulous pressies, op!

theevildead2 · 24/12/2010 06:09

I think YABU, you don't have to get gifts and should be pleased someone has bought your baby something. I Always say once people have bred I stop buying them gifts, I can't afford to do both and not buying for children/babies feels mean to me.

BTW I am 37weeks and wish I was getting loads of baby gifts from family.

chillichill · 24/12/2010 06:25

I think you should estimate the cost of each baby gift that gets pawned off as being for you and go out and buy yourself something nice, like a massage for after the baby us born (think your too late for one now) or a manicure.

nutcrackerneepsntinseltatties · 24/12/2010 06:43

Yanbu! Am 35 weeks and would hate this! I won't get much but little things excite me, got some socks yesterday and was delighted.

My sil jus had her 2nd, I gave a wee toy for the baby and a big bottle of champagne to her. Don't forget mum I say!!

onimolap · 24/12/2010 07:01

Well, you could always murder your DH for Christmas for putting out a request with which you so strongly disagree.

For the others (like your DB and his rattling present), there isn't much that can be done now.

Though it amazes me that people would by presents for an unborn child without checking first that the prospective parents do not have any objections on any grounds (whether the potential donor - or any third parties - think their reasons reasonable or not. Plenty of people do not want baby stuff in the house before the baby - sometimes for very painful personal reasons. IMHO such views should be respected.

Piggles · 24/12/2010 07:40

You are not being unreasonable at all.

A lot of people I know who are a wee bit cash strapped and can't afford to buy for the whole family tend to just buy for the Children - once they have arrived that is.

This could have been your last Christmas to wallow in accepting lots of lovely gifts for you (really for you, not just addressed to you) and your daft DP has now scuppered that happening.

In your shoes I'd be really peeved with him (the family have mostly just followed instructions by the sound of it, so wouldn't be cross with them.)

I wouldn't be annoyed simply because I am a greedy wench and want lots and lots of pressies, but because how dare he just decide without consultation that his babymachine partner would like things for the baby - like your sole interest in life now is a little person who hasn't even arrived yet.

I hope his 'sorry I was a twerp gift' is delicious or shiny

tyzer2001 · 24/12/2010 07:51

YANBU.

I have recently had a similar conversation on another forum where an office manager asked 'I have pulled the receptionist's name in our Secret Santa, what shall I get her she is 8 months pregnant' and about twenty people came back with 'baby gift' ideas.

I tried to point out that she will have enough baby junk given her to sink a ship (and that most of it will be duplicates or useless because people hardly ever ask what you need) and that a more personal gift would be better - but I don't know if I was listened to. I was definitely outvoted!

Why do people assume that once you have created a new life, you'll cease to exist yourself except as an extension of that child?

sparklyrainbow · 24/12/2010 08:02

YANBU

I am 39 weeks and if I get given anything baby related by anyone I shall be incredibly p*ssed off and release my bloody uncomfortable and really had enough now hormonal pregnancy rage . We have told families not to, but I bet there'll still be someone who hasn't listened! We have pretty much everything we need for the beginning, carefully chosen and squirrelled away over the last few months and I expect others are the same... Like you, don't want much, just some nice small treats and people to remember the baby when he arrives if they want to, not before!

QuadMummy · 24/12/2010 09:13

I would be pissed if it was a gift directlyfor the baby (toy, clothes etc) butI would be more than happy with some maternity clothes, changing bag, etc

pongonperdy · 24/12/2010 09:53

Poor you. The best present i got when pregnant was a voucher to spend in a clothes shop for once the bump had gone and a voucher for a hair cut and facial. Get DH onto it as he was the one that told his family to get for the baby.

Unfortunately though once the baby comes you will play second fiddle.

fayc84 · 24/12/2010 09:53

I'm only 17 weeks and my dad has mentioned that every time they're at the shops he has to tell gently persuade my mum that if she's buying me Christmas presents they should be for me, not the baby. I know I'll get a few baby-related things as my folks are so excited about the forthcoming first grandchild but hoping they remember their own daughter as well.

When my friend had her daughter everyone was taking round presents for the new arrival I made sure to make up a wee gift set of bubble bath and chocolate for her too - I think it's nice to remember the mum as well as baby.

YANBU

CrazyChristmasLady · 24/12/2010 11:50

YANBU.

When I was pregnant with DS, my MIL got me a bloody baby car set complete with baby on board sign, window shades and those things you hang off the back of the front seat to store toys. Given that DS is going to be in a car seat for years anyway means he won't be able to reach it and it wasn't something for me for xmas.

My dads DP also got me a couple of baby bits.

To me, they aren't presents for you and they should be saved for when the baby is born.

sofaqueenie · 24/12/2010 12:09

I know what you mean. I was heavily pregnant this time last year, and all my pressies were for the boy.

Don't get me wrong, I really was grateful. But some nice bubble bath or some smellies just for me would've really made my day!

SlightlySparkly · 24/12/2010 12:24

YANBU

Buy your DH a teething ring for Christmas and see how much of a 'good idea' he thinks that is.

SkyBluePearl · 24/12/2010 19:55

I think you should order a huge pressie for yourself over the internet from the joint account and explain to hubby that you feel you got a duff deal and he was silly to suggest that everyone buy for the baby and not bother with you.

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