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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be given baby gifts for Christmas?

76 replies

Ihopeyoudance · 23/12/2010 14:58

I suppose I'll get flamed as an ungrateful wench here but I'm interested in what other people think.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first child and starting to feel like I'd quite like the baby to come out now as feeling rather hefty and uncomfortable. DP and I both have big families so this baby is going to have lots of people to love it, which is great Xmas Smile.
I love giving and receiving presents at Christmas but I'm also happy for people not to bother as I'm not going to see many of them. It's not about money or materialism as I'd be happy with some bubble bath or a bar of chocolate (which are my best friends at the minute!! Xmas Grin)

Unfortunately, DP has told his family not to bother with presents for us and just buy something for the baby (sob!) I've also received something from one of my brothers which rattles in a distinctly newborn toy kind of way...

Now, I'm delighted people are looking forward to the arrival of our baby and want to buy things for it. BUT AIBU in thinking that's a crap gift for me and it shouldn't be passed off as one? I feel like I've been forgotten as a person and subsumed by this baby before it's even been born Sad

Am I an ingrate who doesn't deserve such a family? Or can I feel sorry for myself that some people have forgotten that I'm a person, not just an incubator?

OP posts:
domeafavour · 23/12/2010 15:51

she, sorry, that's rude, the OP I mean

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 23/12/2010 15:53

I agree with you.

Nobody has to buy you a present. But if they do, then it's a bit odd to open a gift marked 'To IHope, love from.." and find a rattle inside!

Give your husband a baby monitor for christmas! Grin

I do understand. It's not being ungrateful, not really, it's just that when you are pregnant, people do seem to be so excited about the life inside you (and that's fab!) that you are just the thing growing it and nothing more. And that's not right, is it?

People can be thrilled about the baby while still seeing you as a person not a baby incubator!

It's the same sort of thing that makes people come up to you and pat and rub and stroke your tummy.

nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight · 23/12/2010 15:55

she was anticipating them - her DH told everyone to get something for the baby.
that was the whole problem.

I'm sure that if her DH hadn't said "get stuff for the baby instead of us" and she'd got stuff for the baby, she would have been happy.

It's because it was taken out her hands by someone else that she's pissed off.

nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight · 23/12/2010 15:55

wasn't gah!

domeafavour · 23/12/2010 16:00

well if someone bought my DS a pressie instead of me, I wouldn't be moaning about it.
sorry, i still think yabu

MadamDeathstare · 23/12/2010 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lillibet1 · 23/12/2010 16:01

just wait till it arrives then you;ll be great full for any attention directed at you and not the baby (fist time mum to a 5 week old!) even if it is this fake kind that you seem to be getting at christmas but I would be annoyed with DH/P if he said this with out your agreement.

Original poster
Ihopeyoudance · 23/12/2010 16:01

I'm so pleased most of you agree with me!

I'm not expecting presents at all, either for me at Christmas, or for the baby when it comes. I just want people to remember I'm still here under this huge belly!!

I gave DP a bollocking but it was hard for him to backtrack to his family without it sounding as if I expected a present from them iyswim. I'm hoping his sister who has kids has realised he's an idiot and ignored him.

On my side, I gave my DM the job of spreading the idea that presents for me had to be for me. Perhaps my little bro missed that... Or maybe his girlfriend is getting clucky! Grin

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 23/12/2010 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

domeafavour · 23/12/2010 16:05

oh hell, I wasn't saying the OP was rude, I called her she, so I was apologising for me being rude

Original poster
Ihopeyoudance · 23/12/2010 16:08

DP did include himself MadamDeathstare but he's not that fussed about presents.

So those of you who wouldn't be bothered, do you not like presents? I'm presuming that those of you who think IABU are thinking about your own situations and your own DC. Perhaps I'd feel differently if the baby was born but the present wouldn't be addressed to me then so wouldn't be a problem.

OP posts:
nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight · 23/12/2010 16:15

never mind, domea! Xmas Grin

zipzap · 23/12/2010 16:35

When you're sitting there opening presents and mil gives dp a nice whatever and you get a baby toy, I'd just say to him - oh look, you were the one that wanted baby toys for christmas, they've got our presents mixed up - and switch them before he gets a chance to backtrack.

Or at the end of xmas day when you are sitting there with a roomful of baby presents and none for you just ask dh if he's going to ask people to give you presents when the baby arrives seeing as he managed to ask for baby presents for you IYSWIM Grin

All in the nicest possible, non-expecting a present, way of course!

Original poster
Ihopeyoudance · 23/12/2010 16:43

I like your style zipzap! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Megletitsnow · 23/12/2010 16:45

Yanbu. The baby gets gifts when it arrives.

You are the one around at Xmas so its a bit rude to just give you baby gifts.

Imarriedafrog · 23/12/2010 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tingletangle · 23/12/2010 16:51

I think yabu, noone has the right go feel put out if people don't spend their own money on you in a way that you wish. Especially as you say that you are not bothered about presents.

DrSeuss · 23/12/2010 16:55

YANBU! My Secret Santa gift at work this year was a baby record book! Everyone else got something for them, such as nice toiletries, perfume or a DVD. I didn't manage to keep the record book for DS1, probably won't this time either and would have liked something that was chosen with my tastes in mind, not my ability to reproduce! The only exception to this is the pillow DH has bought for me at my request. It's about ten feet long, horseshoe shaped and is totally for me as I plan to sleep with it for the duration.

Porcelain · 23/12/2010 17:03

Hopefully there are people who understand your situation and ignore dh, or you will get some boots vouchers or the like and you can treat yourself to a nice mum to be bath stuff set like sanctuary or little me. Or take it out of the baby budget for the stuff you were gifted.

Jaycie · 23/12/2010 17:07

YANBU at all, I dont think the op is expecting anything! If I got a present addressed to me for christms, opened it up and found a toy buzz lightyear for my 5yr old, I'd be annoyed too!! If they get a present for the baby, it should be for the baby - not you. But yes I agree that it is your dp you should be annoyed with, as family have only done what they've been asked.
I got baby clothes for christmas when pregnant at christmas and felt exactly the same way!

tinkertitonk · 23/12/2010 17:14

Maybe DH has spotted your chocolate jones and is concerned for your teeth and had a near-death experience in a bubble bath.

Porcelain · 23/12/2010 17:18

Incidentally, I'm a new mum and I agree about not being so bothered anymore, but I'm not sure I was that bothered before, if I get stuff I only have to find somewhere to keep it. I always have room for lush stuff or a food hamper.

MadamDeathstare · 23/12/2010 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockinSockBunnies · 23/12/2010 18:29

YANBU - I remember receiving a Baby Organix weaning book of recipes for Christmas when I was seven months' pregnant. Which was nice....but.....frankly, I'd rather have had something slightly more useful for me! I could already eat solid food with no problems Xmas Wink

FloraPost · 23/12/2010 20:52

YANBU. I am 35 weeks tomorrow and several people have said they want to get me baby bits as a Christmas present. Actually I don't want you to thanks; DP & I have had a nice time over the last few months carefully choosing exactly what we want. Also, DP will get presents for himself from these people because clearly being interested in the baby is my job Xmas Hmm

I didn't say this, obv. I am only inwardly ungrateful.