to wonder what Delia, Jamie, Gordon and Nigella are doing right now?

[NonnoMum]

(And even Kirstie). Cos I bet sure as snow stops schools they ain't trudging round Sainsbo/Waitrose/Tesco like the rest of us?
Did I hear that one of them has Christmas in the Caribbean?

counting their money I expect

I reckon they are all sitting together and tallying how many times their own name comes up on MN in food/Christmas/AIBU to have paid £38,864 for Heston's Xmas pud on ebay (oh yes, he will be there too). Name mentioned most wins said pudding at bargain price.

Probably got a whole bunch of servants organising it all.

Perhaps they've had enough of cooking and bought all their festive fare from M&S for an easy life.

Apologies for leaving you out, Heston.

Thought the strange boss at Little Chef might have finished you off.

Heston is skiing in Italy just now!

oh come don't ruin the magic. nigella is having a chichi drinks party with all her very attractive friends.

jamie is drinking eggnog while jules does needle point and the apple cheeked children sing carols.

hugh fearnley is doing something revoling with offal

delia is half way through a bottle of gin

i give a fuck about ramsey

SHIT. Forgot about Hugh, too!

Hugh is having a get together with his smug dad friends where they pat each other on the back about what great guys they are, while their frazzled wives/partners tear their hair out at home trying to put a crying baby to sleep while simultaneously wrapping presents for the extended family.

Think I just saw Kirstie down the kebab house.

But, 'twas a gold-leafed kebab...

Poor old Nigella has just moved house, so she is probably collapsed in a heap with a bottle of Marsala at the foot of her oversize statue of Russell Brand.

Smoking a fag whilst the Aldi 3 bird roast is in the slow cooker (sorry BoF )

Kirstie is running up a last minute cuff for Courtney Love.

Phil is drinking a can of Special Brew and lighting his own farts.

And then give up and send the au pair out to Selfriges in the morning.

Nigella is standing at a bus stop drinking mulled wine out of a flask and beaming as the bus draws near

Kirstie is running up a cushion cover from left over brussel sprouts and cranberry sauce.

Delia is my heroe so I'm sure she's relaxing with a glass of wine and listening to some Christmas carols

nigella does beam doesn't she

Yes - there's no dirt on Delia, is there?

"Come on (hic), lessbe 'aving you..." she says as she waits for the carrots to caramelise...

I have just destroyed my MIL by letting her know that we weren't watching a recording of Gordon's actual Christmas Day (last year she thought) and that no he doesn't really have a reindeer in his garden (he lives about 5 mins away from me) but we were watching a crefully crafted programme selling a lifestyle.

I feel like the evil parent who debunked Christmas as she kept saying 'but what about Jamie - surely his is real?' She's 63 btw

ANd the kids cold be persuaded to go for a walk (tyre-swing danger-outing) on a non-Christmas day in front of a camera crew. Surely they'd be too busy playing with their new gadgets to want to leave the house on a real Christmas day?

your poor MiL though. Don't let her spread it around all her friends. They'll think grown-ups are evil.

Re dirt on delia, my Dh swears that the wife an old friend of his was propositioned by delia for a threesome when she worked at the bbc. Apparently she likes to watch...

NOOOOOOOO. Don't believe ya...

Honest to god! I was horrified!