to think 6 children shouldn't have been left alone while parents went to (daytime) drinks party?

[secretskillrelationships]

Not sure whether IABU or not.

Just found out that ex spent a few hours at a drinks party leaving our DCs (13, 10, 6) with another friend. I assumed she looked after them but she went to the party too, leaving her 2 DCs. Then turned out another child stayed to play. So that meant 6 DCs aged 13 to 6. Someone checked on them every half hour or so 'and they had our mobile numbers.' The party was for grown-ups only.

Ah, I hadn't seen it was two 13yos, I thought one teenager had been left in charge of the whole brood, rather than just each left in charge of their own brothers and sisters.

My DS is 13 and very sensible. The only thing is, he argues with his sister 8yo. I wouldn't leave him in charge because they might have an argument which may end in my DD lashing out It rarely happens but it might . See there's the thing. Might

What happens when you leave a perfectly sensible 13yo in charge of younger siblings and something awful happens? That 13yo who is still a child would have to deal with the fall-out/repercussions/aftermath for the rest of his/her life. Why is that fair on a child? A child looking after children? Just so the adults can go for a blardy drink?

Well.

I have no problem with a 13 year old looking after siblings like this, but I think for parents to go to a drink party is a bit off.

I don't know why. But it reminds me of when we as kids used to get lumped together in one house whilst all the women went to bingo, and got pissed.

I cannot imagine not ever leaving a child in the house alone until 15. DD is 15 and she has been left alone for gradually lengethning periods since she was 10. And been allowed to go around on her own. How else are you meant to bring them up to be self suficient adults? They will be misfits.

FWIW it is not that long ago that 15 year olds were working FT - my DP left school in 1978, his birthday is in late July, he finished his exams in May and went to London and got a FT job on a building site at 15.

I used to babysit for half of our estate at 13/14, but used to argue like a witch with my brothers and sisters. I think they would have been fine..
I don't see the point though in taking the childen on the weekend you're supposed to have them and then buggering off to a party leaving them alone? Got the kids that weekend sorry I can't go...
Or see if you can swap visits?

Gosh. Was this a record?

First response to OP about leaving children alone was a reference to Madeline McCann.

As always, my answer is that it depends on the children and how far away the parents were. Presumably not far if they were checking every half hour.

thanks flm :) So the child labour laws didn't exist back in your day then?
Actually, reading your post has reminded me that I think my mum left school when she was 14/15 - obviously didn't seem strange to me when she told me but it really does now!

Why did the other parents leave their dcs at the same house? Are they not mature enough to look after themselves at home I wonder.

Fwiw I would be happy leaving siblings of that age alone, not sure about 6 though. Did each set have a 13 year old in charge. I personally wouldn't leave my dcs at someone else's house just to go out in the day to get pissed.

Duchess-pmsl at your post with the fly spray. Are you still friendly with this family? would be interesting to know.

YABU. My teenager would just roll eyes at the thought of a babysitter

The other occasion where children were left alone and checked on every half hour - well the oldest was not quite three. A world of difference IMO

mum- I think that my second sister is FB friends with those boys, but I haven't spoken to them wince my teens.

I wouldn't have a problem with this either. I think we react far too strongly to children left unsupervised and provided the adults concerned were demonstrably in charge overall and in regular contact, common sense should prevail.

Two 13 year olds in charge of 4 other children is perfectly fine in my opinion. Especially given they were checked on every half hour. And it was in the daytime. And they had their parents' mobile numbers.

Surely young teens still babysit? Or is that on the banned list now? (I really don't know!)

Gosh Zukie, imagine parents wanting to go for a drink! Just think of the damage you could have done your highly-decorated, 'perfect' children if you'd ever slunk off down the pub. Perish the thought.

I have children of similar ages to the OP and tbh would not leave all three of them together. I would and do leave the older one with one of the younger ones while I pick the third child up from activities, etc but I just don't trust the younger two to be left together, unsupervised by an adult, for more than a few minutes.

Does depend on the children though...

Whilst in theory I think the children would have been fine (maturity levels taken into account etc) I do feel that maybe as non resident parent your ex may (only may, he may be very close to them and fully aware of their capabilities) not have been in the position to judge whether or not they were up to being left. Having said that he is their parent as well so theoretically equally as empowered and able to judge their readiness to be left alone as the custodial parent.

And I certainly left mine alone for periods up to an hour (albeit with upstairs neighbour keeping an ear out for them) aged 6, 8 and 10, in any combination (not the younger ones alone though, always 2 at a time at least).

Of course most NT 13 yo are able to be left alone. I just ran the not leaving your child alone till 15 scenario on my 13 and 15 yo. They said "How old???" and "Crazy!". They have been getting themselves to school by bus and back again since the age of 11- am I supposed to have been driving them every day and picking up after? All three have also been on unaccompanied journeys by plane and train. My son flew to LA a week after he turned 16, changing planes in Toronto. That would be some steep learning curve if he'd only just started to be left alone...

zukiecat, I don't see what's oldfashioned about not leaving children alone until they are 15. Surely in previous generations, children were given a great deal more responsibility than they are now? And not a bad thing either.

Can't imagine myself trying to break the news to my 13yo that she was going to have a babysitter because I was popping out for a few hours in the daytime.

Somebody I know cried off going out for a meal because they did not want to leave their sons without a babysitter. They were 15 and 11. Surely that is a bit excessive. I could not believe it and neither have SN. As long as it is not a late night (back before 10), I do not see those ages as being problematic but would rather have been told.

I can vouch for the fact that children were given more responsibility in previous generations. In hindsight it's a little mad that parents expected their 5 and 6 yo children to be responsible for younger siblings, but it was usual enough even in the 70s for nobody to be surprised by it.

As others have said, in previous generations children were out at work and earning their living at 12 or 14. They weren't physically bigger than children nowadays nor did they reach puberty earlier (quite the reverse in fact). They were a lot more savvy because more was expected of them.

People who choose to believe their nearly adult children incapable of even the most basic survival task such as cooking or being alone for a hours are stetting themselves up for problems imo. In my house we all cook once a week, including the 13 yo. She is small for her age, but still perfectly able to turn out a very decent family meal. All three older children have been cooking (obv with supervision when they were very small, then gradually decreasing amounts of supervision) since they were small in one way or another. DD2 could make a very good cake from age 8 onwards, complete with fancy icing.

YABU.

YANBU, leaving 13 year olds in charge of 6 years old siblings, especially in a big group which is likely to get boisterous is irresponsible and asking for trouble/fights etc.

Oh, ffs. What on earth are you all doing with your 13 year olds that means they aren't capable of taking responsibility for anything?