Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 6 children shouldn't have been left alone while parents went to (daytime) drinks party?

110 replies

secretskillrelationships · 20/12/2010 20:28

Not sure whether IABU or not.

Just found out that ex spent a few hours at a drinks party leaving our DCs (13, 10, 6) with another friend. I assumed she looked after them but she went to the party too, leaving her 2 DCs. Then turned out another child stayed to play. So that meant 6 DCs aged 13 to 6. Someone checked on them every half hour or so 'and they had our mobile numbers.' The party was for grown-ups only.

OP posts:
onceamai · 21/12/2010 08:27

When I was 8 my mother used to put me on the train to London. She used to put me in the buffet car and give the Steward a tip to make sure I was OK. My grandma collected me at the other end.

fatlazymummy · 21/12/2010 08:28

stealthpolarbear I was born in 1960. My school year was the 1st to not be able to leave school until 16. Prior to that the school leaving age was 15 and people were able to start work at 15, which many did.

onceamai · 21/12/2010 08:31

I remember it too Fatlazymummy. DH's grandad went down the mine on his 14th birthday in about 1922!

festiveflashingmammaries · 21/12/2010 08:33

Even in the 1980s, when lads were kicked out of school at 14 - 15 the local authorities issued special work permits letting them work full time

MamaDeer · 21/12/2010 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

festiveflashingmammaries · 21/12/2010 09:01

Ha that's funny, you just reminded me ... I know of a 15 yo with 2 babies living in her own place - her tin opener broke and she went down to the shop to buy a new one and they wouldn't sell it to her as it is age restricted! She had the same with paracetemol!

what a twisted world we live in

fatlazymummy · 21/12/2010 09:23

festiveflashingmammaries last summer a shop refused to sell my 13 year old a pencil sharpener.
I just find it really annoying to have to go and buy my teenage son's school stationary for him.

festiveflashingmammaries · 21/12/2010 09:27

he might have sharpened somebody to death or robbed somebody at pencil point

OhLittleTownOfShirley · 21/12/2010 09:31

I can't leave my DS2 now at 10. Because he is mad and gets mad ideas about mad stuff and would probably set fire to the house or rip a hole in the space/time continuum.

My DS1 is not as mad and doesn't has bonkers ideas so much so he's not such a worry and I felt confident leaving him for a little while since he was 11ish I suppose.

It's so dependant on the individual child.

edam · 21/12/2010 09:33

Hmm, depends whether the 13yo was happy to babysit the others or if she/he was just presented with a fait accompli. Looking after five children is a lot to ask of a 13yo. Did she or he know all the other kids, such as the one who 'stayed to play'? Did they pay the 13yo for babysitting?

edam · 21/12/2010 09:34

OhLittleTown, is your child a Time Lord in training? Grin

SixtyFootDoll · 21/12/2010 09:35

I dont see what the problem is here

OhLittleTownOfShirley · 21/12/2010 09:39

I wouldn't put it past him, edam. haha!

(aw poor DS2, he is actually amazingly lovely and brilliant but also just the scattiest, fiddliest, dreamer I have ever met)

edam · 21/12/2010 10:11

Sounds lovely but FGS don't make him look into the vortex. It's what Time Lords do to all their young and it sent the Master mad (the doc's arch enemy, if you don't watch the series). Grin

OhLittleTownOfShirley · 21/12/2010 10:14

He would totally understand what you're going on about.

(I haven't got a bloody clue!)

SpringHeeledJack · 21/12/2010 10:15

it sounds like a hoot to me

bet they had a lovely time doing lots of eeeevil stuff

there were enough big ones to look after the little ones, imo

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 21/12/2010 10:18

My children are 13, 10 and 8 and I would be happy to leave them in the situation described. Frankly, I am horrified that people think it is too much responsibility for a 13 year old - mine would be very offended if I suggested she wasn't up to looking after her siblings for a few hours in the daytime. FWIW, I would trust the 10 year old too.

edam · 21/12/2010 10:19

It's not just the siblings though, it's three other children, who may not be known to the 13yo. And I'm still wondering whether the adults paid for babysitting...

SylvanianFamily · 21/12/2010 10:26

It maybe wouldn't't be my choice, but I wouldn't flame DH if he had assessed a situation like that as safe.

it very very much depends on the dynamic between the kids, IMO.

I sometimes have the CMs kids round mine to play. it'll be six kids under eight, and I don't need to do a thing, bar serve occasional snacks. They know each other so well, they already have a pecking order established, and they know how to 'deal' with each other without causing conflict.

Conversely, when I mind my friends ds after school ( only child aged 6), I can't so much as make a cup of tea, because someone is always tugging at my sleeve. he doesn't quite 'get' my half-feral brood, and keeps getting offended at the 3 year old being too noisy, or the two year old grabbing toys. Hmm .

cory · 21/12/2010 10:42

Totally agree with Bonsoir. If my 13yo, with the aid of her 10yo brother, had not been able to be responsible for a 6yo for a few hours, I would have had some serious questions to ask of her. Like, "how do you expect to fend for yourself in 5 years time when you may be living at the other end of the country?".

Now I can understand a 13yo being disgruntled under the circumstances, if she wanted to be out with her mates for instance, but too little....oh dear!

As for not leaving a child until they are 15- I wonder if that accounts for some of the utterly clueless university students I see: they must have a lot of growing up to do in 3 years if that is the case!

seeker · 21/12/2010 10:58

Hang on - it's two 13 year olds!

And why on earth would they expect to be paid for keeping an eye on theri younger brothers and sisters?

festiveflashingmammaries · 21/12/2010 11:05

To be honest I can only think that OP thinks this is an issue cos it is DXH she is talking about rather than DH.

The issue is more likely to be personal insecurity as opposed to child welfare IMO

badcoverversion · 21/12/2010 11:05

Depends on the kids, but I would be quite happy to leave my own nephews and nieces in charge of younger children for a few hours...and I remember taking on similar responsibilities when I was their age.

cory · 21/12/2010 11:12

mammaries is no doubt right and it is to do with dynamics of stepfamilies, exes etc rather than the question of responsibility per se. So yes, if the situation is really fraught between these children, then I would agree that the 13yo might be right to feel uncomfortable and might potentially need bribing.

Otherwise, I don't see why a teen should be paid to do a simple job for her parents: mine don't pay me for doing housework for their benefit, so why should I pay them if they do something for me?

Also, can't see why people think it's all on the shoulders of the 13yo. In a situation like that I would expect a useful second-in-command job from the 10yo.

duchesse · 21/12/2010 11:13

I left my 13 yo in charge of the 15 mo baby for nearly 3 hours yesterday as I had to go out in the snow to get something. I figured she was a lot safer at home than in a car being driven on ice, and my 13 yo is very mature and competent with her. Depends entirely on the levels of maturity of the children involved.

I can remember as an 11 yo being left with my 4 siblings aged 9, 7, 5 and 2 (which was fine, was used to looking after them all, had been doing it for years) while my parents went out for a few hours, but with my parents' friends' children (aged 12, 10 and 4) who were fucking insane and tried to kill us the minute their parents left (honestly it was like Lord of the Flies which I had just read so was even more terrified). I ended up locked in the bathroom with one sister and my baby brother while lunatic 12 yo and 10 yo sprayed a can of fly spray under the door to try to flush us out, and that was just one of the things that went on. Was so damned scared I refused ever to go there again. Still making me scared now just thinking about. These children for example were not mature enough to be left alone. Good ole 70s.