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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have been furious at pil for insisting on coming round mine for a dinner when ds1 is sooo poorly

108 replies

springchik · 19/12/2010 19:07

Loong story!We were supposed to be going round pil for dinner today and sil and her family were coming down from up north. Sil cancelled yesterday because of the snow. I would not have gone anyway because ds1 is really unwell. Mil knows this came round yesterday and ds barely stirred from the sofa or acknowledge her - very unlike ds1.

Anyway mil rang yesterday and said sil has cancelled so she'll come to us. I said ds is poorly and I have nothing in and she said dont worry we'll bring it all to you cooked it'll be like meals on wheels. Still I protested but she can be very intimidating

Anyway ds has been getting worse and worse. High temp lethargic not eating. During the night he was in agony with his ear and he had a high temp. This morning at 845 I insisted that dh rang mil and said she could not come as ds is too poorly. He suggested to her dh and ds2 came to them instead and cook the meal she has planned. He rang and suggested just that she wasnt too happy but dh said she agreed to it apparantly.

To cut along story short ds1 saw an oncall doctor at a dropin centre today he has an ear infection dr described it as red raw and said I'm not surprised he's been in such pain. Changed his prescription at noon when I got in and saw dh he said oh and by the way mum is insisting on bringing dinner to us! Shock Tried to ring pil at their home no reply rang her on her mobile and asked what on earth is going on and she hung up.

They came round at about 1 producing a cooked turkey (a week early eh) unpeeled potatoes, carrots, cauliflour, peas etc and announced these are to be cooked. I was furious she said what is your problem. I was so sangry I said i have a poorly boy in there and its rude isnt it to insist on coming round someone elses house turning up with food. She said thats it I'm going I dont have to put up with this. Ds1 cried and said dont go so she said dont worry Im not ggoing anywhere and she stayed and I cooked dinner we ate in the dining room while ds1 was poorly in the living room! Angry

OP posts:
autodidact · 19/12/2010 21:02

It sounds a bit like you and your mother-in-law compete for your husband's attention and he enjoys being babied.

activate · 19/12/2010 21:03
  1. You don't go round to people's houses when they have told you not to
  1. You don't go round to people's houses when they have told you not to
  1. You don't go round to people's houses when ...
springchik · 19/12/2010 21:05

Btw dh is still saying he cannot see why I am so annoyed doesnt see my problem and thinks I'm making too much of an issue of this and said it happened its gone forget about it!

OP posts:
Francagoestohollywood · 19/12/2010 21:05

I wouldn't have asked them NOT to come in this specific situation. With a sick child at home, the more the merrier imho.

TheHoneydragonsInTheIvy · 19/12/2010 21:06

OP: My Dh has left the loo seat up for the 200th time

Mumsnetters :Do a Val on him, the bastard... find a root vegetable and fast!!!!!

Grin Wink

I really think it could catch on you know....

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 19/12/2010 21:07

Basicly dh was a bit flustered and I wanted to help him as mil wasnt and expected him to do it. Thats why I ended up doing it!

Well, more fool you.

That was your choice. You could have left them to it, regardless. You decided to take it over.

I just think that you can't decide to do something then moan about having to do it.

springchik · 19/12/2010 21:07

He has an ear infection and just wanted quiet. Thats what I'd planned for him. He didnt get it though did he?

OP posts:
springchik · 19/12/2010 21:09

Why not help dh especially as ds2 was getting beyond himself never had dinner this late. Ds1 was sleeping at the time.

OP posts:
Booandpops · 19/12/2010 21:10

I can't believe the cheek and some posters are siding with mil! I ask are they pushy mil themselves! My mil is pushy too and its very frustrating. They see the dc's reguArly. Have been on hols with us, had them over night etc but when mil wants her own way she is like dog with a bone! Her most recent plan is to take over Xmas dinner at ours buy "beinghelpful". Bringing turkey for which I'm very grateful. But now it's stuffing, pudding and bloody gravy. She is totally taking over. I'm not trusted obviously to cook such a meal. Any way to the point I feel for you op and next time be aware of her scheming and scheme in advance so you have the upper hand. Btw my hubby said he is putting foot down at gravy and sees my point!

SantaMousePink · 19/12/2010 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

narkypuffin · 19/12/2010 21:14

Next time let your DH be flustered. Leave him to deal with her and maybe he'll realise. If you bail him out he'll never get it. I'm guessing that you were the one up with your DS in the night too?

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 19/12/2010 21:15

siding with mil? I'm not siding with mil.

I just think it's a lot better for your stress levels to either do something or not. not do something while resenting it and then moaning about it. You don't want to - you say no and it stays no (like with a child Grin) if you say yes, or change your no into a yes, then embrace your choice.

Otherwise you just end up being pissed off.

Nobody else gives a shit and you just feel awful.

I mean, what's the point of that?

chrimblycompo · 19/12/2010 21:15

'If anyone, that doesn't currently live in my house or work for a supermarket delivery service, turned up uninvited with raw food presuming I'd cook it would fuck me off.'

I reckon op's dh said it was ok though

I agree with him really
move on now!
Does this mean you're not having Xmas with her?

Francagoestohollywood · 19/12/2010 21:17

I'm not siding with mil, I'm just saying that I would have welcomed food and company after being 2 days at home with a sick child.
But of course I don't know springchick RL situation and she might have a history with her mil.

lizziemun · 19/12/2010 21:19

YANBU.

But I think you need to explain to your dh again why this was not and never will be acceptable to you.

I also think your Dh need to explain to his mum why you are so upset at her behaviour. He might also explain to her that meals on wheels come prepared and cooked.

narkypuffin · 19/12/2010 21:19

I wouldn't welcome company and food. I'd welcome peace. We're all different.

herbietea · 19/12/2010 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

narkypuffin · 19/12/2010 21:21

Meals on Wheels deliver and then go away

StarExpat · 19/12/2010 21:21

I I think the MIL thought she would be doing something helpful and nice for her DIL and poorly DS by bringing food to them. The veg weren't cooked yet, so she thought her DS/OP's dh would cook them (yes, she should have offered to cook them... but then there would have likely been "how dare she just storm into my kitchen and take over and start cooking?").

She brought you food and didn't intend for you to cook it at all it seems. You kindly stepped in and sorted it but didn't have to.

Yes, she wasn't invited and was told not to come. However, I still think she was just trying to be helpful.

Where is the malicious intent here? It's like when someone is struggling to carry something and they say "no it's ok, I don't need any help..." and then someone comes and just takes whatever they are carrying and helps them carry it and the person is very grateful but doesn't want to ask for help. Maybe she's thinking like that?

And she probably thought she could help you out with DS, cheer him up a bit...etc. (he obviously wanted her there).

You should have just left her and DH in the kitchen to sort it out if you didn't want to cook, tbh.

springchik · 19/12/2010 21:22

The dinner was for sil and her familys benefit really. They are coming for christmas dinner (thats another thread)! Could hardly change it now as dc know they are coming and looking forward to it. Dh told me mil was insisting on coming round so no he didnt agree to it. Just didnt want the hassle and confrontation that came later.

OP posts:
Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles · 19/12/2010 21:23

Grin nonnomum indeed.

narkypuffin · 19/12/2010 21:24

It's a good deed like helping an old lady cross the road- when she's already on the side she wants!

When someone steamrollers over other people's wishes like this it's more about them than helping anyone else.

StarExpat · 19/12/2010 21:25

"He might also explain to her that meals on wheels come prepared and cooked."

This sort of thinking just shocks me. Maybe because I don't have any family nearby or even in this country. It just seems so ungrateful. She brought you food - to share all together. It was a nice thing to do. It's a few hours on one day of the week. And your poorly DS wanted her there.

She kindly packed it all up and brought it over so you and DS1 could have some as well.

springchik · 19/12/2010 21:25

fil doesnt say much except to agee with mil. However when I was annoyed with mil he said you had better be quiet not before you say something you'll regret!

OP posts:
springchik · 19/12/2010 21:25

Oh and she know dh rarely cooks!

OP posts: